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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: help...? just help :(
Dawn4
Member
Member # 34073
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

In about two weeks, it will be a year since I left my XWS. This week has been the most awful week I have had in a long time. I mean, I understand why someone people voluntarily opt out of life.
On Monday I looked out my window as I was about to go pick up my two youngest boys from preschool and my vehicle was gone. My ex took it. It was in his name all along but it had been bought for me and I had used it this past year. It was old an junky but it was mine. btw, my ex makes scads of money. tonnes.
Then the next second the preschool teacher calls and asks me to come and pick up my youngest son because he is acting up again and he's no longer welcome in the class. OH AND , she wants to have a private conversation about a "sex video" my children watched at their fathers house on the weekend and told her about. She'd be calling child protective services. GREAT. GRAND.

Next day, my son(5) tells me that when he grows up he wants his dad to take him to see the ladies that dance on poles. And that's it. I reached my breaking point. I decided for myself that I would be calling CPS. There is much more to this story. Let's just say my ex is an white supremacist who spent 5 years in jail of a 19 year sentence for murder , still believes in those things, is possibly a sociopath or something, doesn't take proper care of our kids, teaches them all kinds of crazy things like white power...to hate the government, that I am a liar....I could go on and on. But he makes great money so he has a great lawyer, meanwhile I live in low income housing and haven't seen a dime from our separation besides child support and a tiny bit of spousal.

Ok, next day Wednesday. That day was not that eventful. Nothing new happened. Same old same old. Except my children were just atrocious! They have developed this hate for me this week that is just crushing me. I don't even know what to do with the disrespect.

Thursday. My two oldest boys(I have 4) get into this awesome camp from a waiting list. SUPER! Something great in this crappy week. I tell the ex, I say the kids are so stoked, HE says no. He's getting married that week.
So this "lady" I have never met , my kids have never met. BUT ...I already know about her. She met my ex way back in the day when he was in jail for murder. She met him WHILE he was in jail!! She was into the whole white power thing. Now she has 4 kids also, and is a tattoo artist or something and lives in the US...we are in Canada. First of all, BARF, my kids are going to grow up with this lady?! And secondly, how screwed up IS HE?!

Yesterday was Friday. I bought a new vehicle. YAY. And then my friend called me and told me that my kids had told her that their dad said it was ok to watch sex videos. HE HAD KNOWN THEY WERE WATCHING IT! And even my three year old had watched the video! My 5 year old had also told her that he was going to watch "ladies dance on poles"!

I asked my lawyer about having his time limited or restricted in some ways and she said it's probably not going to happen. And I wonder....does this lawyer completely suck? haha...but seriously, I want my old lawyer back. The one who had an ounce of experience and moxie.

Ok so. It's Saturday. It's got to end with a bang right??


" You must always know how long to stay and when to go." - Let Him Fly, The Dixie Chicks

"This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before". - Beavis and Butthead

Posts: 678 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Canada
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

Yeah, I remember your story. I don't understand how this guy is allowed to see his kids at all. It may be best that child services is brought in.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:00 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I have to agree. How in the holy hell is a guy with a murder conviction having unsupervised visitation?

Please call CPS yourself.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

A skinhead with a murder conviction who lets his preschool kid watch sex videos. CPS totally needs to be involved... the teacher calling CPS is a blessing as I can see it.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:43 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I tend to be afraid of CPS. So while you do need to involve them...it's the lesser of two evils IMO...make sure you document all of what YOU do for the kids and get written confirmation of what you all about with your caseworker. Email him or her restating what was discussed. Always document. That's just a life lesson I learned my first year teaching.

You're a strong and brave women. You and your kids are in my prayers.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

Yes, your lawyer totally sucks. Letting a child watch pornography is called "corruption of a minor". In most instances I'm aware of this finding terminates the offending parent's ability to be alone with the child.

Do not allow this to go on another minute unchallenged. If you do then you'll be considered complicit. Take action. Contact a counselor, contact your pediatrician. Take action now.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Dawn4
Member
Member # 34073
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Ugh, I hate this stuff. I guess I will seeing about possibly getting a new lawyer tomorrow.

So , another question. How do I bring this subject up with my ex? I always keep copies of our text conversations(it's the only way we communicate) and I want to say the right thing. I of course would say something more eloquent but to the effect of "what the hell? who does that? and those are our kids you are screwing up, please man up and be a FATHER". But I also know that no matter what I say he will deny it all and it will fall on deaf ears. So this is pretty much just for record that yes I was very concerned and I did bring it up with him.


" You must always know how long to stay and when to go." - Let Him Fly, The Dixie Chicks

"This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before". - Beavis and Butthead

Posts: 678 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

You don't need to have this conversation with him. CPS or a lawyer needs to do the talking for you. That's why you need to call in professional help, like a counselor or a pediatrician. Or a teacher. You need more eyes 'n ears on this with you. No one will be on his side. No one thinks it's okay to corrupt a child's morals.

IF you do think you should say something to him on your own, please be sure to have a VAR in your hand so you can record his responses to you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Dawn4
Member
Member # 34073
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Oh we only talk thru text. He won't even let me park near him when we exchange the kids, let alone talk to him. lol
My childrens preschool teacher did call CPS. I also informed the daycare of the situation. The same day that this happened my 3 year old was kicked out of preschool, and the daycare has been pushing to get him into a behavioural program, so I know this will add fuel to the fire, in hopefully a positive way.
He did tell me that this had happened, because the preschool teacher had told him she was calling CPS. But I hadn't realized at the time that he had KNOWN about it, and let them. I haven't brought it up to him since our initial conversation, so I feel like I should now maybe tell him that I know that he knew the kids were watching it and he was ok with it.
It's crazy. I knew my ex had a porn addiction, but I never thought he would pass it off onto our kids. I thought at least THAT he would know was not appropriate. I feel like he is just robbing them of their childhood, and I am drowning trying to save from all his crazy bullsh*t.


" You must always know how long to stay and when to go." - Let Him Fly, The Dixie Chicks

"This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before". - Beavis and Butthead

Posts: 678 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Canada
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

There is nothing to say to him. What would be the point of you telling him that you know? He already knows CPS is getting involved. So why text him about it?


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Agreed. You are done having conversations with him. Your next conversations are with your lawyer, and CPS to make sure you are protected through this, and they know you had no knowledge. You can't have a conversation with him about this. It's not going to be ok because you talked to him. You have to distance yourself from it. Let CPS deal with him.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5525 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Then I stand by my original suggestion that you do not need to have this conversation with him at all. Let the system handle communication with him.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, June 10th (Monday)

No way should you talk to him about it. There are multiple reasons for that. First, it's pointless. He doesn't care what you say or think, so save your thumbs the typing. Second, you seem concerned about how you come off to CPS. Communicating with *him* about this looks a lot worse than going straight to them. If you communicate with him about it, it just makes it look like you believe he actually is reasonable, because why the hell else would you talk to him? It also makes it appear that you think the two of you can somehow work this out, without CPS involvement, because again, why else would you bother? That's what I would think, and that would make me suspicious of *you*. I really, REALLY would NOT talk to him about this. You need to distance yourself from that whole ball of crazy, not throw yourself in the middle of it by talking to him. Just thank CPS for helping and let them do their thing. UGH. So sorry you have to deal with all of this.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 13