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New Beginnings
User Topic: So....am I reading too much into this?
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
What?  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

So...there is this guy that has been emailing me on an OLD site... and he seemed okay at first....asked me a few questions like "What are your favorite places" which was extremely broad but I tried to keep it less than a novel in response. But, when I asked him the same....he never really responded.

He goes a day or two before he emails me back and when he does email me back, I've noticed its like 1am... and he just keeps asking when we can go out?

I would make the time to meet him....but seem a little apprehensive since he doesn't seem to really want to talk much first....at all. ?? Is it just me?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I would be hesitant to meet someone IRL unless I had a good e-mail/text talking on the phone relationship developed first. If he is not responding to you untill dys later and late at night, it would certinly make me wonder.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
JessicaFL127
Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I agree with gahurts. I have had nothing but pushy and creepy guys. Sigh.


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I won't meet someone without one or two phone conversations. Typically, I feel like I get a more clear impression of their personality on the phone that I can't get from messages or emails.

And always follow your instincts.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4611 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Yeah.... and him responding early morning (granted he could work 2nd shift or something) makes me "assume" he has nothing better to do or might be up late from drinking and partying and looking for action or something...

I could totally be off base and he might work a weird shift or just be a night owl... but he does wait a day or two to respond and his responses are short... and always go back to " So...when do you think we can meet?" If I were not a single mom....I would probably give him a shot and go on ONE date to see if he is just one of those guys who wants to meet in person sooner than later and talk BUT... finding a sitter and going through all of that trouble ...for me...has to be worth my time and effort! Ya know??


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Thank you persevere.....

I think because this guy is fairly attractive...that he is used to girls just falling over him without much "substance" or effort on his part to get to know them better beforehand... I'm past all of that shallow crap. I need depth in my life ....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Shelly, just ask him why the odd hours. His response will tell you a lot.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
UnsettledOne
Member
Member # 32952
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

No your not reading to much into it...no previous phone call?...

I won't even consider going out or asking a woman out until I have gotten to knwo her over the phone...if the person is from a dating site even skyping first is important.

But the very minimum would be a few phone convos..you can learn alot about someone by hearing thier voice.


[This message edited by UnsettledOne at 12:20 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]


BH 60

Posts: 176 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Walking toward the light
GrievingMommy
Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

The fact that he's not answering your questions and no phone call all the while pushing meeting in person would be a no-go for me.

Some chatting on the phone and him being more open would have to happen if I were to move to the next level of meeting in person.

Also, go with with what your gut is telling you.


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Although I agree with everyone...you should at least talk before meeting, etc...there could be an explanation for his late night answers. When I was doing OLD, I would often answer late at night or early in the morning. My computer is in the living room, and I would NOT go onto an OLD site while my kids were around. They don't need to see mom looking at men's pics...eeewww.

Not excusing him not answering you, just giving a reason he may be answering at odd hours.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5526 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

He sounds selfish. He is not asking you questions about yourself so that he knows what makes you happy and can think about if that is something he can do for you. He is asking about your availability to him so you can make HIM happy.

Really get clear on the early signs of selfish men and stay away. You have been with that kind way too much!
Look out for signs that he is sincerely interested in you as a person and wants to make your life easier because making you happy makes him feel great. I don't see that w this guy at all, I don't care what hour he emails his little plea for your attention.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5862 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Topic Posts: 11