User Topic: How do you handle Fathers day?
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Fathers day is next weekend. X hasn't said anything about wanting to see DS that day but he might.

I intend for DS to spend Fathers day with the man he lives with, who helps take care of him, my dad, his "Papa".

If X asks for time with him I will have my dad offer him time after DS's nap in the afternoon. The morning will be spent having brunch and playing mini golf. I'm not sure what to do if X gets mad about this.

Mothers day has never meant squat to him, he didn't even see his own mother on mothers day. He gave her a card the next day. So if he starts acting like Fathers day is so important he is full of it. He hasn't seen DS on the weekend for three weeks.

BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin

Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Fooled Me Twice
Member # 34824
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Do you have anything formal yet in terms of a separation agreement? Depending on that answer - 1) you don't want to look unreasonable to the court in the future that you refused him visitation on that day (and believe me I get the not seeing the kid for weeks - mine's done it too) or 2) if you do have something formal, I would assume you should stick to what it says.

My decree states that we each get dd on md/fd even if its not our regular weekend for visitation. Next weekend is not normally his, so if he wants to see her he's going to have to get his fat ass up and come get her and return her though. Driving is not stipulated, but I will assume that's the case

ME: BS 33 (now 34)
HIM: WS 33 (now 35)
OW: 22, howorker (now 24)
July 2007: Porn found on computer along with profiles on dating websites.
DDay: January 16, 2012 - suspicious since Dec 2011
Divorced: June 11, 2013

Posts: 209 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Here and There
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Sounds to me like you have it figured out. I would do exactly what you said. Seems like a good plan.

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

I'm assuming you have no formal custody agreement in place yet it's pretty standard that mothers day goes to the mother and fathers day goes to the father, regardless of the regular visitation schedule.

If you have it in the final agreement, obviously you can't deny him any time with your child or else he could claim you violated a court order.

If there is no agreement yet, you can be more flexible, but I agree that if he asks, you don't want to seem unreasonable to a court down the road.

With all that said, without an agreement in place, it's his job to ask for the time. It's his job to plan something for him and his child and to make that time special. I wouldn't mention it at all. If he wants it, he can ask.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Our custody mediation is on July 3rd so we have no agreement yet.

I don't want to be unreasonable. This is all just very hard. He's never given me so much as a card for Mother's day. He sent a text. (Not this year though) His mother has stage IV cancer and he f-ing skipped mothers day with her. He didn't even get her a gift, just a card the next day. I did more for his mother than he did! It will make me very angry if he now insists that fathers day is sooo important to him.

My dad is so great with his grandson. If I ever say that he is more of a dad to my DS than X is, itisnt because he lives with him, or spends more time with him, its because he is more interested and invested in him. My father is not a self centered manchild.

So I think I'm going to stick to my plan. If X mentions it, tell him he can have DS after nap time. Thats still giving him time. If he gets mad that it isnt what he wants when he wants it I will.... try not to interalize it. *sigh*

BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin

Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, June 10th (Monday)

All you can do is show good faith effort on this with no agreement in place. When you get to mediation it will look good for you if you have made the effort. I know it sucks but a lot of this sucks for us (the sane parents).

My agreement states that on MD/FD the parent of the day gets the kids from 9AM to 9PM regardless of normal schedule. So on Sunday I will be picking up my kids for the day.

For the good of your kid, I would try and work out a deal if it becomes a discussion to allow time with your dad and him as well. I have a similar situation with the EW's father who I am on very good terms with. While I may not be able to get him any time this Sunday, we will set aside time for him at some point to be with my son who adores his grandfather. Try and keep it in the childs perspective what is important to them. :)

BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 560 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 6