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User Topic: Perspectives please?
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I want to know everyone else's perspective on this:

My fiancÚ's mother was very young when she had him. FiancÚ was raised by her and his step-dad. He calls his step-dad his dad. He knew his real dad for some time, but his real dad died of a drug OD when fiancÚ was 11. Anyway, point being, their family is no stranger to step parents or blended families.

FiancÚ has accepted DD as his own. His grandma loves DD, accepts her as family. FiancÚ's parents live out of state, and they have never met DD before. FiancÚ's mom has made it very clear that she "isn't a kid person" and "is too young to be a grandma so she doesn't want to be called grandma." She has decided she wants my DD to call her "Mimi." Fine, whatever.

The other day, fiancÚ was on the phone with his mom, and DD came in the room and wanted to say hi. He put the phone on speaker, and they talked for a few minutes. FiancÚ's mom made this comment to my daughter, "I am your Mimi and that is all I will ever be."

Then, after she talked to DD, fiancÚ mentioned what would she want OUR kid to call her (we are nowhere close to having a kid right now, but he wants to in the next 2-3 years). Hr response? "We'll of course I would be that baby's grandmother."

I am super offended and I feel like she is not being very accepting of my daughter. Am I taking this completely the wrong way? Anyone else think this is a little weird?

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I would also be offended. What was your fiance's reaction?

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
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Posts: 25850 | Registered: Aug 2011
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

I would be totally offended. What did your fiance say?

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1295 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

I would feel more slighted than offended, like she doesn't equate your relationship or your daughters relationship to being "valid" for her. I would also be hurt.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13813 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

She is a big, fat, ugly cow who should be laughed off the planet.

Oh... sorry... I think some of my own childhood stuff came up there.

I was a step-granddaughter and I knew it... I was 11 when my step-dad married my mom. And it was made perfectly, totally and absolutely clear to me that I was not equal nor desirable to my step-grandmother.

I feel very bad for your DD... I hope your Fiance speaks to his mother, although, I doubt it would do much good.

(((BeyondBreaking and DD)))

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
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Posts: 24608 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

My perspective is that you should seriously reconsider marrying into such a family.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 3410 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 5372
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Yes, I would be offended. I come from a large loving brood, and we give people family names such as grandma, grandpa etc. It does not matter whether you got into the family by marriage, adoption or blood. you are family. Blood doesn't make you family. She is very nasty indeed.

D-day 09/2004
Filed for divorce 9/2006

We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."

Posts: 12326 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Margaritaville
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

It really doesn't matter about her. She is obviously an insensitive f'ing bitch.

What's important is how your fiancÚ responded. If he "let it go" and acted like it was "no big deal" and or "this is just how my mom is" type of reaction, be prepared for him to CHOSE her over other things in your life together.

If he stood up to her and said, something along the lines of, "Mom, this is my family now....we're going to treat everyone equal, right? RIGHT??" You should be fine.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:16 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]

It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)

Posts: 8033 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Oh, he was supportive- I think he told her she was being petty, being so worried about "feeling old" about being called grandma.

She is a really nice person (or always has been) and we get along great. Never been any issues at all. I don't know what her issue is all of a sudden.

Hopefully it won't last. Otherwise...well, they live states away from us, so it isn't like we have to see them all the time or anything.

Thanks for everyone's perspectives, I wanted to make sure I wasn't just being over sensitive.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I think she's a fucking hypocrite. HER husband, who is not your fiance's father stepped in and raised him like your fiance was his own...and she doesn't see that your fiance is doing the same thing for your DD??

How would SHE have felt if HER son was treated differently by his stepfather's family?

FWIW, my mother does this with my brother's significant other's older children. My niece is 4 and her brothers are 12 and 14. My mother interacts very little with the boys-----and it's because she doesn't like their mother.

I don't like their mother either, but I consider them to be my nephews, because my brother considers them to be his sons. I have gotten into it many times with my mother over her treatment of those boys.

--also, my stepfather raised me and my brother and we call him "Dad". I asked my mom how she would have felt if my "dad's" family had rejected us. She doesn't see the correlation.

Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 11185
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

My STB son-in-law has a son from a previous relationship. He calls me Nana, just as my two granddaughters do. I include him in everything. Spend the same amount on him at birthdays and Christmas. He is my grandson just as if he was blood.

I love him and that is all that matters to us.

BW -- 57
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary

Posts: 427 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: NC
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

BB I am guessing that you are probably causing her to experience some feelings she never really dealt with.
That is a real Bit#! move on her part, to talk to your daughter like that.

I guess you should be lucky she doesn't live near you, so it's ony an issue at big events and holidays.

I would be tempted to call her on it. But that's just me.

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Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
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Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 12