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User Topic: Help coming up with a positive explaination
dlmos
Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Two weeks before dday I had my 10th anniversary and to celebrate I got a tattoo (yes I know...). I actually really like the tattoo and even with all the bad memories attached to the marriage I still like it and see it as a part of my life. When I got it I honestly meant it, and believed in what I was doing. So here's the problem with it:

It is in Hebrew and is the Song of Solomon ("My beloved is mine and I am hers"), so it has a very original look and I get asked about it a lot. I usually just smile and explain the tattoo and what it means. Were is have trouble is why I have it. Most people assume I'm married/attached and have it because of that. I don't really know a postive way to say it is a relic of my past marriage.

I've thought of saying something like "People do stupid things when they are in love.", but it wasn't a spur decision and I had no doubts wehn I got it. I had a ten year marriage and two kids so the concept of having to explain it later never entered my mind.

"Leftover" also sounds negative and that I don't like it.

So how do I explain that I have a tattoo from a previous marriage, and convey that to me it is a testament to my character: loving, loyal and commited...prone to grand romatic gestures too lol.

Any suggestions?


BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

dlmos - It can be aspirational, you know. I would argue that your xWW was not your beloved. Your beloved is in your future.

Edited to clarify myself. A little too much sangria tonight.

[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 9:33 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25018 | Registered: Aug 2011
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

My first thought when I was reading this was for you to color it over and just turn it into a colorful, generic arm band. That is, until I read your comment:

...it is a testament to my character: loving, loyal and commited...

This says so much and should not be covered up. This is about your character, not hers. You were committed, she wasn't. I like NIK's comment that your beloved is someone you are yet to meet.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

It sort of reminds me of my favorite Rumi poem:

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
How blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
They’re in each other all along.

I think you explained it best yourself: It describes my character-loving, loyal and committed.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20019 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
LineInTheSand
Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, June 9th (Sunday)


T/J

It is in Hebrew and is the Song of Solomon ("My beloved is mine and I am hers"

Didn't King Solomon have 700 wives and 300 concubines? And which "one" was his beloved?

End T/J

Your beloved is in your future.


Ditto NIK's comment!


Posts: 494 | Registered: Jul 2008
dlmos
Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

My problem with the "my beloved is still out there" doesn''t really explain why I actually got it in the first place. Maybe I am more concerned that it''s from a past marriage than they are...


BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Q: Why?
A: Because I"m a hopeless romantic and it's how I feel about love.

That answer respects the spirit of why you got it w/o having to go all TMI about having an ex-wife, and it doesn't mean it won't take on new meaning when love comes to stay with you again.

[This message edited by cayc at 10:15 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3058 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

I think you explained it best yourself: It describes my character-loving, loyal and committed.

Ditto SadinAZ - and I think that is all you need to say. When someone asks you about it, the literal translation is not necessary - what it means to you matters most.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4458 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

ditto what persevere said.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

dlmos--
I've studied biblical hebrew and I've always found that particular phrase an incredibly beautiful sentiment. The whole damn book it comes from is beautifully written. I wrote the same incription to my ex and at the time I meant it.
If I had it tattooed on myself, after translating it I would simply say that it is a testament to who I am and what I seek.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I had that phrase inscribed on our wedding rings and our wedding invitations.

I don't think you should feel that explaining the tatoo will hinder a relationship in the future. It's a mark showing your ability to love & give yourself completely. It's a testament to you. That the woman who inspired it was an unfaithful hag who wasn't worthy, well, that's not on you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9509 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Just tell people its a biblical verse. Christians will ask, others won't. Don't be ashamed of the man you were in your marriage. No secrets,no lies,and any woman of any worth would understand. Plus it does translate into who you are in a relationship.


Posts: 2164 | Registered: Mar 2011
dlmos
Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Thanks for the replies everyone! I like the idea that I don''t have to say the literal translation and just go with something a little more simple. I do tend to talk to much so maybe just "It''s from the Song of Solomon and is a testament to my character, loyal and hopelessly romantic."

I like that better


BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I originally got it with a particular woman in mind, but when that relationship ended the meaning of The Beloved shifted to (insert meaning here). Now when I look at it, it reminds me of my own faith and devotion.

Rumi, the Sufi poet saint from the 11th or 12th century refers to his relationship with God as The Beloved.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5798 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Topic Posts: 14