User Topic: What would you do? Leave now or wait?
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, June 10th (Monday)

This is probably a stupid question and it's been bugging me all weekend.

I have an opportunity to look at a house for rent today. I may or may not get it, they have issues about me having 2 dogs.

Anyway, I have not retained a L yet, but have spoken to one.

Here is my issue:

Do I move out now, before I retain a L and file? Or do I retain L and file now, then wait for another place to come up for rent?

If I leave now and rent, I can't afford to pay all of what would be considered my 1/2 of marital bills and the retainer would have to be put on a cr card. I don't want to spend my savings on this.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I would wait. Definitely get legal advice before you move out, moving can be considered abandonment and can hurt your financial settlement. If you cannot cover your expenses on your own it is even more important to have the finances locked down. Good luck.

Posts: 305 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Hmm. Good question. I also have a dog and know how hard it is to find, and get, good housing. One strategy I have used is to stat by contacting my current landlord (do you rent now?) And getting a letter of reference, or a verbal agreement to vouch for you and your pets on the phone. Another is to have an extra $500 -$1000 available for a pet security deposit which is enough to cover repainting, carpet cleaning, landscape repair etc.If needed. You can use that to entice landlords who advertise no pets in their ads and it otten works.

Also consider whether you might want a housemate to help share rent costs and cut some of the silence at your new home. You can find a housemate later if it seems like it would work for you.

Ask yourself honestly how much your dogs affect the smell, tranquility, and wear and tear on your home and yard (what breeds are they?). This can help you understand what the landlord's perspective is. Also NEVER take your dogs to meet the landlord without arranging to go for a long hike or run or a lengthy play session to wear them out a bit first. You don't want them errupting from the car with a ton of pent up energy.

Not sure about the exact timing you want to choose but definitely open a savings account in your own name and be ready to transfer enough money to cover first and last months rent plus regular security deposit plus pet deposit plus moving costs into it before you have your WH served so you dont get stuck if he pulls money out in a rage.

BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.

Posts: 1220 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, June 10th (Monday)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9816 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 10th (Monday)

One step at a time. See your L first. he may have suggestions financailly and legally on what your next step is. I really doubt abandonment would ever be an issue with the courts if he's committing adultry on you. Courts understand this problem more than you know. Actually they would rather see you separate than have any domestic altercations believe me. During a initial hearing with a judge the first thing he's going to ask is how are you both dealing with this at home. He's proding to see if there's any problems where he will order a separation.

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Thanks never and heartbroken!

I didn't think about the abandonment issue. I could so see that becoming an issue with WH.

I have savings in my name only. It's enough to cover me for about 6 months or so.

My oldest son owes me a ton of money, so he'll be footing the 1st rent and sec deposit and pet deposit.

OK, well thanks. I think I'll wait and get with my L first.

You know, with my 1st and 2nd M I wasn't so wishy-washy, scared like I am now. Where did I go? I feel so disrupted in my own skin.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Thanks Sean,
I just put in a call to my L.

I can't believe I'm here.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 10th (Monday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25699 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, June 10th (Monday)

My L called me back. His fee is $300 per hr. and he's going to be upping that soon.

Asks me if I want to surprise WH with the serving at work, or calmly sit down with him and just tell him I want out.

Says if PA WH doesn't create a ruckus, I could divorce for $3-$5000. If PA WH creates all types of hell and we have to go to a judge with various orders, the $5000 will get eaten up just with that process. I could end up spending 10K. FTG!

Googled "divorcing a PA Husband".....that will be us.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 9