SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Ever feel like he is starving you out?
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Question  Posted: 11:00 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Withholding funds that are meant & supposed to be paid and it feels like he's starving you out?
Cripes.


Posts: 4610 | Registered: Dec 2009
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Mine tried that. It was accompanied by offers to move back home, even if it was to live as room-mates (so generous - shiver and blech~!) Then he un-retired and had to pay back what they'd paid out. The result was a sharp decrease in income, which resulted in a decrease in SS approved by the court. Then he just stopped paying that...

Be sure you know what redress is available. CS: typically the state will get involved. For SS the answer I got was court for contempt, and court, and court, and court until the judge got sick of it.... Not very reassuring and how was I supposed to pay the lawyer? Due to that I eventually opted to take the house, in lieu of any future S. He'd already proven he didn't intend to pay it anyway...

Maybe not the answer you are looking for - but start asking the hard questions of your lawyer.

[This message edited by Take2 at 11:43 AM, June 10th (Monday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4097 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Yes, my STBX did that. As soon as we separated he withdrew all financial support, including not paying the mortgage & property taxes. It took six months & my lawyer threatening jail time before he began providing me & the kids a minimum amount of money (and it was NOT enough to live off of). Even then he was not consistent with the money. He told people he wanted to punish me, so he did. He laughed about it. He was proud of it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Yes.

Started out prompt but soon dwindled. Many months with none. Drained savings account...he knew it...Now onto unpaid bills and no notice from him, just creditors calling or sending account closing notices.

And FWIW, I've learned not to bother going to him with it. I will go to any length not to.

It just makes a bad reason for contact and he doesn't believe a thing I say, anyway or lies.

Contradictions abound.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, June 10th (Monday)

yes, and I feel very very fortunate to have been able to work in a way that allows me to live within MY budget.

He didn't pay for so long that I had no choice but to figure it out without support. Now? the support is "extra" and if I spend it, I spend it on extras. Of course, the dentist got put in that "extra" category.

Just last weekend he pulled the "I could quit my job" threat in response to cancelling his time with the boys on father's day. what the fuck ever dude. That dog don't bite.

FTG. seriously. He wants to punish you? what a piece of work he is.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, June 10th (Monday)

I just noticed I hit 4000 posts!

I am super glad it was on a post to you wgb, and that I said FTG in my milestone post.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 10th (Monday)

No. So far my WH has been very good about providing for me and the kids through our separation. We are now divorcing so it's getting more complicated but so far he is still being fair.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 452 | Registered: Aug 2012
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Mine isn't starving me out per say, he just doesn't want to pay. Right now his wages are being garnished so he only has to pay the child care out of pocket, but he is refusing to pay. We have court in two weeks so I will bring it up to the judge then and ask for continuances until he is in compliance.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 4:35 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 607 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Northeast US
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Sometimes. But then that would give him too much credit for actually thinking a move or two ahead when really he is an impulsive bastard with no concept of money.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4198 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

My XH just chose not to pay. He knew he would have to eventually or go to jail. So he hung on to the money until he was forced to pay. He thought I'd pull the money out of my ass some how I guess. He didn't count on me letting the house go into foreclosure because I couldn't make the payment. He also didn't count on my letting the car be repoed because I couldn't make the payment. Both were in his name alone. The joke was on him!

Some states will garnish SS if they are garnishing CS. You might want to check into that.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

Not a problem here. POS has been unemployed for a year and I cut HIM off at the knees financially. I have been paying for everything so him leaving has actually saved me money!!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs, started 1994? - never stopped
Kids - 22, 20, 17
M Dissolved 2013!!!

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare


Posts: 827 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Frustrated  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

One bill he pays half of to me by direct deposit transfer is due 6/15. He thinks he can pay ME on 6/15 as if I have loads of cash sitting around to pay it BEFORE he pays me his half. He does not consider the fact that even WITH online bill pay it will still be late! It takes 3-5 business days from the day I launch it. If I launch before then, I get hit with overdraft junk.
I spent $600 in co pays for therapy during aftercare for DD plus therapy (therapy which I believe was caused by his parental alienation of me! and kid divided loyalty and general psy trauma over that, another thing that I get fucked on because there is no "proof" and no one cares anyway, like legal people, courts or mental health pros who don't want to get involved) :angry: )for other DD plus dental work for both, plus Rx, etc.. He is supposed to pay me half of what I paid out,ie. split the cost of co pay with me. He's all fired up the state jacked his CS (call the wahbulance I didn't just pull that amount out of the sky, the DEPT OF REVENUE calculated that based on STATE GUIDELINES. He "says" he has to determine the validity of the receipts I provided for copays. I suspect fow/nw has a hand in this since she writes all the checks to me for co pays. Y'know, the redneck dumbass who can't spell and doesn't want me to have the same last name?
oh did I mention I'm done with my lawyer as the other case is finalized and I'm out of retainer AND still owe her $300?
FML

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 12