SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: What to tell family members?
mj052
Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 10th (Monday)

It's been a year since d-day for me and I just found out the other day that my husband met with his ap!
Of course- dealbreaker for me and time to get my attorney on board.

The only person who I told about my wh's affair was my best friend. My husband and I have been together for over 32 years. His family loves me-some more than him! And my parents adored him as well. Last night I finally told my parents the truth! No details- just the truth! I mean everyone deserves the truth!!

When I told my husband- he was outraged!! I guess he thought I should've gave them some bs story about us growing apart instead of my husband is a liar and a cheat! I mean really! Shouldn't he have thought about his family man imagine being blown from the start?

I plan on telling his family this " I discovered that Brian was having an affair over a year ago and I
gave him every imagineable chance to keep our family together but he wouldn't stop seeing her!"

What do you think?


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, June 10th (Monday)

That sounds entirely kind & reasonable to me. It's honest, it gives enough detail without being salacious, and it prevents any misunderstandings or silly conversations in which the other party tries to convince you you've made a mistake.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9684 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 10th (Monday)

My situation is similar to yours. 32 years together. Love his family. Kept it secret on DD#1 but on DD#2told him to tell his parents. He told them,
"I made a mistake. FQ gave me a second chance and I made another mistake."
Not quite what I had expected him to tell them. I let them know what his mistake entailed. He was furious.

What you are planning on saying is more than generous and much less than what I told my in-laws.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
sadtoo
Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Yes. Tell the truth. Because he will likely tell his version of lies/justifications of why he "had" to cheat.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 8023 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Yep, just tell the truth. I told the truth. My STBXWW told people we weren't happy together for a long time and grew apart. I laugh every time I say and read that now. I told her she can tell people whatever she wants but if they ask me anything they will get the complete truth from me. Funny how they want to keep those images squeaky clean after the fact.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, June 10th (Monday)

The truth is the only way...and can be remembered.

Truth has nothing to hide.

Lies make messes...and messes...and more drama and messes. Then it becomes "he said, she said" and a losing battle.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, June 10th (Monday)

I think you are being truthful and actually quite kind, although he'll never see it that way.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25382 | Registered: Aug 2011
TXBW68
Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Your relationship with them may change. Blood is usually thicker than water in these situations. But the truth is the most important weapon any of us ever have.

My H didn't tell his family that he left us for 2 months. I had to threaten to tell them myself. He gave them the same sad story he gave his friends: "She's evil, controlling, a bitch. We haven't been happy in years. OW4 is my soulmate." All news to me. Now that we're back together, he's had to backtrack on his lies and tell the truth.

There's a reason for the saying "The truth will set you free." Lying just makes a bad situation worse.


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 788 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
LifeIsBroken
Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Your explanation is perfect. Short, to the point. And it's the TRUTH. You aren't being judgmental, you're just stating the facts. That's gracious and totally above board. It's kind of amazing how cheating spouses are so proud of their AP but, when the truth comes forth, they don't like the truth being told.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 9