User Topic: Wanting to be single
New Member
Member # 39157
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I don't want to divorce, for lots of reasons. But, I'm not in love with my WH. I have found myself being attracted to other men and wanting to be single. My WH is trying very hard, I'm just not sure if it's too late. I'm worried that I won't be happy again. There is one particular guy who is showing a lot of interest in me. I know it's wrong and I won't act on it, but I really like him and I like the attention from someone new. We are in MC. I need some advice.

Posts: 43 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 25518
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

Either leave the M and date this guy or go NC with him , you are about to fall down the rabbit hole . STOP
There is no TRY there is DO. You are either in the M 100% or you are not . Boundaries .No confused messages.
My 2 cents worth !

Posts: 1625 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: East Coast
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

There is one particular guy who is showing a lot of interest in me. I know it's wrong and I won't act on it, but I really like him and I like the attention from someone new.

This is how it all starts.

How has he had so much opportunity to show his "interest" in you?

Does he know you're married?

Don't go there.

You won't respect yourself in the morning.

Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.

Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

My apologies for not knowing your story...But IMO you should not put yourself in a position to have guys hit on you right now.

From your registration date, you are very new to this mess. You need to focus on your marriage for now - no matter which way it turns out. That's enough to deal with without dragging an innocent bystander into the chaos. In the early stages it is very easy to say FTG and start looking. Hell, that's basically what he did, right? But do you really want to compromise yourself like that?

Go read the Madhatters threads. There are lots of people there that will tell you that 2 wrongs do not make a right.

Either divorce your husband and date freely after the papers are signed or stay committed to your husband and work on your marriage. Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Didn't you expect that same courtesy from your WH prior to his A? Do you want to be like him?

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
New Member
Member # 39157
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I know I can't go there. I hate myself for even thinking it. Yes, he knows I'm married. He is not married, but he would not act on it because he knows that I am. It's really just a matter of him saying nice things to me. He's not someone I see often and I've cut off communication with him. It just made me think that maybe I would be happier being single. Maybe my H isn't the right person for me. How could he be unfaithful to me twice, if he was the right person? One was a PA 11 years ago and one a texting relationship 9 months ago.

Posts: 43 | Registered: May 2013
New Member
Member # 39493
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I have gone through similar feelings as well.

I was just so hurt by my WH's A that it was calming to be attracted to another guy. He was just eye candy, but it was oddly calming. I think because there was no pain attached to it. Being able to find this neutral almost happiness inside me was reassuring to myself that I was still me.

For me these feelings helped me to see that I still did love my husband deep down and that I just needed a little more strength to get past all the hurt and pain he caused me. In my experience happiness comes in waves and you just need to decide if your going to ride it for as long as it lasts or let it pass by.

I wish you luck in whatever your decision ends of being. Mine was my H

let your past make you better not bitter.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

One way to handle your situation is to do nothing for a while. Don't commit to either guy in any way, that means don't do anything to even suggest and EA with this new guy, but don't do anything to lose either one.

Take time to decide which way to go and commit to only path.

Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 7