SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: got some bad news today
SilverRose13
Member
Member # 33982
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

so, i'm not really sure where this belongs, but it does deal with the infidelity sort of, so i'm putting it here.

i found out today that my MC has breast cancer. wow. i am pretty shaken up about it. i feel so bad for her, and at the same time, i'm wondering what fwh and i are supposed to do now? she has an intern and has offered for us to continue with the intern with her supervision while she goes through surgery, recovery and and chemo, and all that stuff, but, it's an intern. i'm not real sure how i would feel about an intern being responsible for helping save my marriage. plus, the intern is young and pretty, and i know that shouldn't be a factor, but it sort of is, because of why we're in counseling to begin with. on the other hand, i'm sure it would be a good teaching experience for this girl, and getting the right perspective on recovering from infidelity could vastly improve the success rate of her future couples.

so, here's my dilemma...what would you do? would you try out the intern and see how that goes? find someone else?


Together 16 years, Married 13
BS (me; 32)
fWS (wtsmm; 32) 2 1/2 yr LTA
2 children, 11 and 5
DD #1 9/27/2011 (EA/Sexting)
DD #2 10/3/2011 (Some PA)
DD #3 11/28/2011 (Full Disclosure)

Posts: 223 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Northern Illinois
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

Personally, I won't put my MC in the hands of an intern, especially with infidelity thrown in to boot regardless of her looks. I wouldn't want the outcome of my therapy to be something someone cuts their teeth on.

Ask her for another referral with a seasoned MC who is skilled in handling couples with infidelity issues.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

My tendency is ^^^^, however I am a bit confused by what your MC means when she says that she''ll "supervise" while the intern is there. Does she mean that she will be in the same room and speak up if she needs to? Or that she''ll take a look afterwards to see what progress, if any, is made? That might impact my decision.

There are certain things that I''m willing to have interns use me as a guinea pig, like drawing blood and taking a medical history. But I''m really not willing to trust my marriage, especially if I have a WS that may be looking for squirm room, to an amature.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
SilverRose13
Member
Member # 33982
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

She would be reviewing progress after sessions. We have met the intern, and she's nice, but she's young, and a newlywed. Which is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, her optimism could be helpful. On the other hand, her naivete could be frustrating and seem dismissive. I think I will see if there are any other therapists in the office available. If not, maybe we'll at least keep seeing the intern until we find someone else.


Together 16 years, Married 13
BS (me; 32)
fWS (wtsmm; 32) 2 1/2 yr LTA
2 children, 11 and 5
DD #1 9/27/2011 (EA/Sexting)
DD #2 10/3/2011 (Some PA)
DD #3 11/28/2011 (Full Disclosure)

Posts: 223 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Northern Illinois
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

She's a newlywed?

Ummm...again, no.

Youthful enthusiasm about just being married is on the direct opposite spectrum to a marriage dealing with infidelity.

Not. Even. Close.

Seriously. Do yourselves a favor and find a counselor skilled in dealing with betrayal.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

IDK ... my first therapist was a trainee and spectacular-looking. It took us 15 minutes for me to lay out my problem and for her to decide she thought she could help, and I spent the rest of the first session figuring out if I could work with someone who looked like she did.

I decided I could, and she was excellent - I changed a whole lot while in her group. 10-15 years later, she was president of her national professional association.

So I'd meet with the intern to check her out - you could be very lucky. Among other things, you can shape her the way you want her to be.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10440 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

Give her a session IMO. You won't know what she's all about and I don't think it's fair to judge on her newlywed basis or intern status. I would say one session to feel it out, and if it's not a fit you can feel good that you gave it a try?



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 45042 | Registered: Sep 2006
4myGirlz
New Member
Member # 38769
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I was a Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling intern in what seems like a previous life. Usually (and things may vary in different states) an intern that is working in the office of a private practitioner has already finished their Masters Degree, has had at least two years experience doing therapy, and is just finishing up the "supervised hours" needed to sit for the licensing exam. If you trust your MC and she believes the intern is able to take on your situation, I would trust the MC.


Why are "Married" and "It's Complicated" different statuses on Facebook? If you've been Married more than a aweek, it's Complicated.


Posts: 14 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: California
Hearthache again
Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I would give it a try. You are judging her before you even know her. Every good counselor has to start somewhere. She may be the best counselor you ever have. She could also be the worse. This is true with every counselor you see.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
SilverRose13
Member
Member # 33982
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I think we're going to at least do a couple sessions, get a feel for how things would go. And I think a lot of the decision would be based on how long mc would be out. Thanks for all the replies!


Together 16 years, Married 13
BS (me; 32)
fWS (wtsmm; 32) 2 1/2 yr LTA
2 children, 11 and 5
DD #1 9/27/2011 (EA/Sexting)
DD #2 10/3/2011 (Some PA)
DD #3 11/28/2011 (Full Disclosure)

Posts: 223 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Northern Illinois
CatchyUsername
Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I agree with giving it a try. You already have a relationship with her supervisor so it is not like she is going to be flying solo and the person supervising is clueless about you. And if it is not progressing you can always change...

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 11