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Reconciliation
User Topic: When the OW/OM can't be avoided...
MaraJade
New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I know NC is always the recommendation when you are trying to repair your marriage after an affair.

Three years ago (nearly four now, wow), my husband cheated on me. With his ex wife. The mother of his three boys.

NC was not possible in that case and I"m curious how others handle that. What if the person lives right near you? What if it's an ex that you share children with? What does the cheated on spouse (don't know the abbreviation, sorry) do in that case? What boundaries do you set?


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
tryinghard2013
Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

My husband cheated with his ex wife he had a stepson that he raised I told him I would leave him if he ever saw them again and he stopped seeing them do I feel bad nope they crossed the line not me I don't feel a shred of guilt they are grown ups and should have known what the fallout would be

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
MaraJade
New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

You told him he couldn't see his son as well? Or just his ex?

Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
tryinghard2013
Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I never told him not to see the stepson who was a disabled adult I said unless u can figure a way to see him without seeing her I would separate I wasn't going to go through her psychotic behavior again I would leave first and he chose to not see either of them

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
tryinghard2013
Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I should add that before the affair I had no problem with him seeing either of them I was a trusting idiot so I just let him know reconciliation wouldn't be possible with them in the picture

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
MaraJade
New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I know when people start a sentence with "no offense" they often don't mean it, but I'm really trying not to put MY values on your life....

So "no offense" BUT... I don't know if I could be with a man who would abandon his kid like that. I realize it was his stepson. My H had a stepson from the OW/exW and I would not have expected him to abandon him any more than his biological children.

I had to find a way for him to communicate with his ex solely about the kids. it was really difficult.

I understand your situation is different with it being a stepson, an adult, etc. I just don't know if I could do that.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
tryinghard2013
Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

No offended taken shes an awful woman who has a horribly raised son so no offensr taken I'm not sorry about it and my kids adore him

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
tryinghard2013
Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I should also add that his ex made it clear if he wouldn't have sex with her he can see her son. No big loss on either of them

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
m334455
Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

As difficult as it might be, I would suggest complete NC for your WH and his XW, and all communication about the children goes through you.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
MaraJade
New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

m334455, that is what we did for a while. And you're right. It was very difficult. OW fought me on it, HARD. H didn't support me fully and had slip ups in talking to Ow and such so it was really difficult to seem like a united front. Very demeaning for me. We got through it, though.

My question was a lot more general than just myself. For instance, my friend has a house in the suburbs. She's fairly happily married, but there is a man who lives right next door who always takes an interest in her. They are all friendly (her, her husband, and this neighbor) and have been for years. I won't share too much of her story as it's not mine to tell, but I had the general question of how difficult it might be in situations like that or like mine (with the OW being an ex your spouse shares kids with) to have NC.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 10