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Reconciliation
User Topic: Going backwards. Ever felt that way?
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Helpless  Posted: 4:30 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Perhaps since it's the 1yr anniversary of DDAY and all the things that followed afterwards, but I feel that after all the steps forward I've made, I am going back. I'm obsessing again about the thoughts, the OM and going back to the phone records from last year, the calendar, what happened when and trying to rebuild the timeline. HUH!!!! I hate this.

I'm even considering a drive up to where OM and WW worked together (he still works there) and where they met up. No agenda, just need to see it all again. WHY?

This shit can eat you alive. I have to remind myself it's over and to move on and focus on the R that we have now. We had lunch together today and it was nice. As I drove off she called me and said "Thank you for lunch". That made me so happy.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1336 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
OnAnIsland
Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Hang in there. It's down the hill again. Let yourself feel it while also reminding yourself of your today. Thinking of you. This sucks.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

It happened to me too around the antiversary. But, is it really going backwards? Think about how and where you were on day one. I'm willing to bet that you progressed amazingly since that day a year ago. Don't beat yourself up because you are still trying to make sense of this. Shoot, I consider myself reconciled, but I still feel the need to verify things...I know that will probably never go away..and I am o.k. with that.

Thoughts are with you on this shitty day.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Yep, we total went backwards during months 13-17. Leading up to Dday we were working so hard and planning so well to create new memories on significant days. We were very attentive to each others needs and feelings. We were so united as a team going into battle. A season and Dday antiversaries went great. It was like a relief, the pressure was off, and we both started slacking. We stopped doing the questions I told you about, we stopped reading, we stopped doing just about everything. We were regressing. I was triggering hard again. She has been having boundary issues and omitting information. It wasn't until recently we really started pushing forward again. For us it takes vigilance or the old patterns will come back.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Aug 2012
UKlady
Member
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

2married2quit - I'm feeling in tune with you this last couple of days!

We had lunch together today and it was nice. As I drove off she called me and said "Thank you for lunch". That made me so happy.

Remember this, hang on to this!! It's what I believe I must do too. It's shit cos it's so damn hard but we can do it - we must!!

((2married2quit))


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Zayda1
Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

The same thing happened to me after the one year antiversary. I'm almost 14 months out and I have had a horrible month. Triggers, fighting etc.

I am fighting the mind movies all over again, and have had to start anti anxiety meds. I feel like I'm back in years one. Hopefully we can fight through this and make it to the other side. Hopefully WH doesn't give up and say this is too hard. Hopefully I can regain some control over my thoughts again. I want to enjoy my husband, my marriage, my life again. I plan to keep plodding along and to keep with with WH and our MC. Hopefully I will someday accept that this is my life.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I guess we have to fight the thoughts and mind movies and all that. I think the worst part is that there is no justice or no big prize for us. And yet now we are left with all the pieces of our M and have to work at putting them back together. Yet we did not have an A.

W is unhappy, but wants to stop the pain in me and try in our M. I think she's depressed actually. I on the other hand feel like I don't have security, like I'm plan B for her, like she has to drag me along. huh! Hate feeling like this. I've always been a proud husband, father and man. Now I feel like she has to stick with me cause D is too hard, like all my amazing qualities don't matter to her and as a man, failed!

If anything, I need to fight these thoughts and be proud cause I did not have an A, I was faithful, I did my best. Not perfect, but did my best.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1336 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 7