SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Stupid Pos
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

So the big Disney vacay is coming up. Stripper-whore, baby, ex-shat, Teslet, an uncle and a couple of cousins.

Scheduled to get Teslet the 14th. I texted to confirm dates with him last week...he asked to pick Teslet up the evening of the 13th at 6. I had no problem with that.

I just get a text from this mother fucker that he is running late and will be by at 7.

Ummmm....ok...figured it wasn't meant for me because today is the fucking 12th. So I send back a text saying that...I left out 'fucking.' He texts back that they are leaving tomorrow morning and he needs to get Teselt tonight.

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??? HOW STUPID ARE YOU????

I did not text that to him. I texted him this

What are the dates he will be gone? You confirmed the morning of the 14th originally and then asked to pick him up at 6 on the 13th.

And now I'm waiting for a response from the idiot. How does he not know shit? How did I end up with such a loser idiot?

I am beyond pissed off right now. I'm just barely holding it together so I don't go off on this stupid piece of shit. Do not jerk me around because you can't keep your shit straight, ex-shat. I was mentally prepared for tomorrow night...I am not ready for this to happen tonight.

If that fucking piece of shit texts me that it was supposed to be tonight and he gave me the wrong date, then I will tell him that I will expect to pick Teslet up 24 hours early from this little trip.

I have not received a return text yet in all the time it has taken me to type this out. Seriously about to go fucking insane on this guy.

Ok, deep calm cleansing breaths....do not lose it do not lose it do not lose it....


ish kabibble

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

What an idiot!! Come on ... who gets vacation dates confused??? Hang in there tesla ... keeping telling yourself that mantra "do not lose it. do not lose it."


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Nobody can be this stupid - surely he is goading you.

The sad clown has asked me to take the girls for a few extra dates at a time and he has cancelled only a week prior when I notice some other change he has made clashes with the dates he requested.

Oh yeah - I don't need to change those dates.

Deal with him as you would a very very dense colleague. Someone you have to tolerate but who is not a part of your real life.

((Tesla)) You do get him back a day early - yay!!


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4509 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

No, he's not goading me...he's seriously this fucking clueless. He has always been like this...which was why I was so fucking great for him because I could keep all the nitty-gritty straight and tell him when and where to fucking show up.

I will be ok. I will be ok. It's in Teslet's best interest. He's going to have a great time. I have a long list of to-do items that I've been saving for when he's gone...just get to start a day earlier than I thought.

I also told that fucker that the only reason this is ok is because we are home and didn't have plans. The next time that will not be the case. One fucking freebie. This idiot needs to learn to sort his shit.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

(((Tesla)))


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Let us know how it goes tesla.

I totally understand the being mentally prepared thing.


Posts: 1238 | Registered: Oct 2009
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

((((tesla)))) What a maroon.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22564 | Registered: Aug 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

He just picked teslet up. I hate this. They get to have a Disney vacation. Fuck his shock and awe parenting style.

Someone pass a bottle of 'whine' -- pity party for me tonight.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Tesla, I can tell you from experience with my kids, this Disney parenting shit will only work while your son is young. When he gets older he will see your XH for who he really is.

Heck my kids let him think they were buying the bullshit just so he would keep doing the fun stuff.

What will matter when your son gets older is who has been there for him, not who spent the most money or took him to fucking Disneyland.

What helped me when the kids were gone for a long time was staying busy. Do something for yourself during this time also.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

(((HUGS))) to you, Tesla.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8737 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I get it hun. I really do.

My 5 year old has been sayin that she never gets daddy time because OWUmpteen is always around. It makes me sad and mad - one because she doesn't feel important and two because he is squandering precious time stolen from me - I could be savouring whilst making her feel as cherished as she is to me.

After all that has been robbed of me already this part stings the most.

Kids do enjoy 'stuff' but it is a poor substitute for being cherished.

((Tesla))


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4509 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
TXBW68
Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

When we were separated, my kids asked H why he never would do the "fun" stuff when he lived with us. They had his number. He had been too wrapped up in himself to do family activities before he left. Visitation forced the issue.

They figured out that they could intentionally ask to go to the cool (expensive) places and his guilty ass would take them. Continuing those fun activities at least once a month was part of their conditions for his return home.

Don't worry. Teslet has a great mom. He'll figure out "Disney Dad" as he gets older.


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 781 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

((tesla)) Do something nice for yourself sweetie.

The others have it right when they say the Disney parent crap will only last while they are so young. They figure out how to play the game to get the goodies from Dad (and isn't that heart-breaking in itself), but the person they trust will be YOU.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4656 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I had no idea that it was National Douchebag Week! I guess that we didn't get the memo!

I'm sorry that Teslet left you early. I totally get it. I need the mental preparedness as well. If you hadn't just been here, I'd say come and visit! I also like to use the time the kids are away to get less pleasant tasks done. It's nice to have them out of the way so that I can truly relax when I'm spending time with my kiddos.

So, go attack some loathsome chore with all your might, and use your ex-shat's stupidity to give you that extra boost of adrenaline you need to get it done. What a stupid dope. He definitely needs to move to Bangladesh.

(((tesla)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3387 | Registered: Oct 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Thanks everyone. It's so hard watching Teslet get excited about this trip. I want him to be happy and have fun. I know he will.
This is going to be a long trip. Hopefully ex-shat will actually have to do some *gasp* parenting.

I have lots to do to keep me busy. Lots of good old physical work around the house and yard to keep me tired.

If only that idiot would wander into a jungle in Bangladesh and run into a fucking tiger. I should be so lucky. I doubt he's taken me off his life insurance policy, he's so fucking incompetent.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Gah, if in Bangladesh, my XH would like tangle with the tiger, save 27 lives and be on the front of CNN page over it. I swear to Gah, nothing EVER happens to him.

Hopefully Teslet has fun. Didn't mean to turn it to me.


BW, divorced: 03/09


Posts: 14252 | Registered: Jun 2008
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I'm sorry, tesla. I hope you get lots done and time flies.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

Big hugs,Tesla.

Get the crappy stuff out of the way. Enjoy a minute to yourself & before you know it, Testlet will be back.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 625 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

From everything you've said about Teslet, I get this -

He'll be excited about Disneyland and will have fun.

He'll get excited if you plan a day of fun near home for the two of you, and will have fun.

So... plan something special for after he gets back. Not immediately - give him a week or so to get the trip out of his system.

But when he gets home, tell him you have X planned for the two of you in a week or two (a trip to the zoo, a hiking trip to look for bugs... whatever. Use your imagination).

He'll get geared up for it & be excited, you'll get the satisfaction of seeing him anticipating having fun with you, and you can be a "fun" parent too, while still being a responsible one.

And the one-on-one attention while doing something he likes will probably mean a whole lot more than being one of a big group at Disney.


Posts: 2192 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
MyReturn2Me
Member
Member # 34352
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

About that life insurance policy............... I'm putting a clause in our d-papers that state that I will be #1 beneficiary, until my children are grown.
I'll bet you could get something like that stipulated too.


Me: BS 51 and Freaking AWESOME!
Him: Who the fuck cares........

Posts: 259 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Puget Sound
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

Hey Tesla,
I'm 37, and I'm a child of divorce. My dad left when I was 5 (serial cheater).

He was SO Disney Dad up until I was about 10. Then I started figuring out that he took me and my brother for visitation/vacation only when it made him look good to do so. Like if he impressing his new girlfriend. Or if he was bored. Or if his family started saying things like "we haven't seen the kids in a while".

It really didn't take long to see him for what he was.

Teslet will figure it out, and he'll need you more when he does. It's hard to face that your father doesn't see you as his child, his responsibility...but as something he HAS to do.

I stopped seeing my dad for visitation when I was 12.

I see him sporadically now and only because I want a relationship with my 8 yr old half brother.

[This message edited by itainteasy at 10:23 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]


Posts: 3080 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

Tesla, I can tell you from experience with my kids, this Disney parenting shit will only work while your son is young. When he gets older he will see your XH for who he really is.
Heck my kids let him think they were buying the bullshit just so he would keep doing the fun stuff.

^^^^^ This. I have experienced it with my 3 kids. They were all under 10 when he left. Now they're 14,16 and 18. They actually now plot to get him to spend $$ on them and take them places.

FTG


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 780 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

One of my twins gets Daddy to buy her something almost everytime he has them.
I have heard her say "what should I get Daddy to buy me this time." or "Maybe I can get Daddy to buy me this."

When he goes on his trips to Europe they are looking forward to the gift he brings back more than seeing him.
He would ask them what he should bring them back and when he pretty much never brought back what they asked for it became, "whatever you think we would like."

They have his number.

I took them to Disney World for 4 days (all I could afford). He was there for 2 weeks with MOW and her son.

They are all the same apparently after reading this thread.
Poor kids.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 11:47 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(9)
WS: Him 49 (X...together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, he moved out Sept. 11, 2011...
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
I'm finding that I am growing more and more fond of his absence.

Posts: 1223 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, June 13th (Thursday)

Tesla, I wish you lived near me. We could keep each other busy. Mine left yesterday with assface until July. I'm trying to be ok.

I totally get the mental preparation. He texted on Tuesday and asked if he could take them that night instead. Ummmm........no.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1510 | Registered: Aug 2010
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, June 13th (Thursday)

Me too, r&b. Come on down, up, over, or whatever direction it is!

All this shit sucks but I am keeping very busy...so many house projects! But at least I can leave the tools out and not worry about somebody 'helping.'

Thank you everyone for all your encouraging words. I know that Teslet will get it someday. On some level, he gets it now...he was asking the other day to go eat at McDonald's (a special treat for us). I told him no because he was probably going to be eating out a lot with dad on vacation. He asked excitedly if just he and dad were going on vacation. I told him no, the whole fucking clan plus cousins and uncle were going. His next question: "Can you come mom?"

He loves his mom and he loves his dad and like any kid, all he wants is our love and attention. Somewhere down deep he knows that he doesn't have the same attention and love from his dad as he does from me. That's the sad thing about ex-shat...his son is validation for him and in his mind, ex-shat has made Teslet an exact copy of himself (he's not, my son excels his father in every aspect). Yes, ex-shat loves his son...but in a self-serving validating way...if that makes sense.

I love my kid for the mere fact that he *is*. Big difference and I just have to believe that Teslet will conciously see that difference someday. Waiting for a day that may be a decade or two in the making is so incredibly hard.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

Oh Tesla you're a better woman than me. And much more accommodating than I ever would have been.



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2793 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I'm sorry, Tesla. Is there any way to ignore or forego answering? If you could not answer right away, it may be a way to not show you care.

FWIW, months ago I got a very late night text saying, "are you going to bring playing cards?" I wrote back, "Where?"-I knew it was an error-and Perv wrote again to say it was an error his friend he was working for should have gotten, they were having guys-night-out poker.

I didn't buy it.

Why do they think they are slick and we don't know what they're up to?

And I agree, I think you're being goaded and bothered needlessly, unless it's a "real" change in plans.

I've had to tell my sometimes that Perv isn't special needs, truly, because some of the things coming from him just don't make any sense.

So I have empathy and sympathy for your frustration, too.

Is Teslet looking forward to the trip? I hope it goes well for him...as drama free as can be, that is.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1955 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

How old is their spawn?



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2793 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

OC is about 6 months old, I think. I highly doubt they took OC on the trip. Just can't imagine that being much fun having btdt. But, who knows...they kinda do dumb things.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 29