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User Topic: Starting fights?
anemie
Member
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

It's not him starting them its me. I don't even know why. I pray it's just the pregnancy hormones and the upcoming day of the A, but I don't know. I am a very calm person, and now everything he is doing is pissing me off and he isn't doing anything wrong, seriously not a thing. Is this just another stage of recovery? Because if it is, it's really annoying!!


D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
ok4now
Member
Member # 35896
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

I did this also, looking back now that time has passed maybe I was purposely pushing away or starting fights to make sure he was really all in.

Maybe I was pissed at myself for staying or not seeing it sooner. I don't really know.

For me I knew it wasn't conducive for R but I would still do it.

For me this stopped with time once I felt more secure in the relationship.

I am also sure being pregnant isn't helping. At least when I was pregnant I lacked a lot of patience and the littlest thing would set me off.

I don't think I was much help but I just wanted you to know I could relate to what you are going through.

K


BS - 39 (me)
WS - 33
DD - 6
D Day - 6/2/11 EA (would have been a PA if the OW was game)
"I'm not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore"
Blue de Chanel Commercial

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Maryland
anemie
Member
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)

Thank you it was helpful. It makes me feel better that I am not alone. I don't think I really went through much of an anger stage or at least most of it was directed towards OW when it should have been directed towards him, perhaps that is what is exacerbating it.


D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I do this too.

In fact I've been doing it A LOT lately---we're planning a move from PA to FL. And it's stressful. And I guess I want to know that he's "all in".

So I push his buttons, and get shitty with him.

Makes sense, right?


Posts: 3396 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
anemie
Member
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

Ugh it's so frustrating because I feel like the whole situation has turned me into someone I'm not. I don't like to fight, I don't like to yell and that seems to be all I am doing lately, and while he takes responsibility for the things he did wrong the fights are about stupid little things IE he forgot to do something I asked or pick something up at the store and he argues I never told him. I just want to hit him!!! Anyway that would be counter productive.
I'm jealous you are moving to FL, that's where I'm from.


D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I don't like to be nasty either.

Sometimes I feel like I WAS NOT this person before he did what he did. So even when I start the fight it's HIS fault.

That's not fair. I KNOW it isn't. Yet I still do it. I'm also PMSing...so everything, literally EVERYTHING has me on edge.

IC on monday can't come fast enough!

Why don't you move back to FL?


Posts: 3396 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Darkonius
Member
Member # 39135
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I'm curious about this. I am wondering if what I am going through is normal as well and how many people do this.

I used to be a very kind, compassionate, caring, and patient person. But now I just really have zero patience for anything at all, the stupidest little things will cause me to snap and get very angry. I also start fights a lot now. I will intentionally say something snide until it causes a discussion and then I will intentionally escalate it. I always feel bad afterwards, and I understand it is very counterproductive to R, and yet I find myself doing it without thinking.

I have begun to notice a pattern to the things that really set me off. Basically anything that has anything to do with being sympathetic to her. Example: She had the day off yesterday and so she layed out at the pool, she got burned on her back. She fixed dinner but was distracted by her Mom texting her and burned it and then asked for help, She lost her keys and needed help finding them, she took the dogs out and one got off the leash and she cried up at me to come help, she wanted me to put lotion on her burned back and got upset that I didn't do it right that second (not really mad, just a little put off), she has also been fighting a sinus infection so has been a bit whiny about that. Anyway normally none of these things would bother me, I usually help with dinner, we walk the dogs together, I'm usually pretty happy to have a chance to rub her down with lotion ect. Its just last night each and everyone of these things took me to a whole new level of pissed off, and I have no idea why??

Sorry if this seems like a T/J but I think its related, and any responses would be mutually beneficial for everyone here.


Me:BH/Madhatter 39
Her: WS 42
Children:None
DDay#1: 1995
DDay#2: 1999
DDay#3:3/4/2013
Married:19yrs
Status: Working towards R

You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013
anemie
Member
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

My oldest 3 children were from my first marriage and my ex will never consent to me moving there with them. And I really don't want to fight it out in court. So we enjoy our vacations down there. I grew up in the panhandle. The kids have only ever been down to Disney and St Augustine so now I'm so happy to be bringing them down to Fort Walton Beach next summer.


D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 8