SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: So... I know I'm an idiot but...
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I love my wife and she's beautiful- I'm proud how far she's come on... BUT I just don't want to do anything sexy- that's not quite accurate- I do want to but I can't when it comes to it.

She's stopped taking drugs and she's like a brand new person- this is awesome but she makes me feel anxious- I'm a bit porky and my personality hasn't changed at all. I'm the same old idiot. I think when people see us they must be like- wow he's done well and I wonder what she sees in him.

My common sense knows the right answers to my worries BUT try telling my gut.

She's being sweet to me all the time and telling me nice stuff and it does help but I just can't do that- it's so stupid- eurgh


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

Sorry you are struggling. It sounds like self esteem issues which are absolutely normal for BS after infidelity.

How is your self esteem in other areas of your life outside of your relationship?

What are you doing to build your self esteem?

What are you good at?

What are your assets?

How are you working to become a better person?


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2560 | Registered: Aug 2012
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I'm sorry, Idiot, for it's very hard when we doubt our own selves. Other people shouldn't have this power or ability over us, in my humble opinion.

When Perv came back and pretended to reconcile, I found myself frantic and panicky to please him and it nearly ruined me. I found myself trying to be someone I wasn't and found myself even more uncomfortable around him and with myself and also angry.

FWIW, I don't think there's anything wrong with how you feel. Remember that affairs cause very deep wounds on the people they affect and I think affect so much of a person that it's a lot to sort out.

FWIW, I don't think you have to rush into anything physical and if you do and aren't comfortable in your mind and heart with it, it may ruin it or at the least make it really, really difficult and then cause more problems.

Nowadays, we are not in R but in D and I find myself disgusted and almost running from him, hence the nickname, "Perv", short for Disgusting Pervert.

I'm glad your WW is trying and I will be routing for you.

I think when trust is broken, other fundamental things are broken as well and being intimate or physical takes trust.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2197 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, June 13th (Thursday)

I used to be all toned up but over the past 5 months or so I haven't wanted to go running or do loads of sit ups because it makes me think about stuff that upsets me. This means I now don't have the body I want to have and she's looking so fresh and bright eyed for the first time in years- and she's pregnant.

I'm just pretty average- I'm an honest john type really- bit of a clown!

If I told my mates they'd think I'd gone barmy! I know how stupid I'm being but she might end up being like- I'm all shiny and new now so bye Idiot- if you get me


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

When you Love Someone you don't walk because they aren't shiny and new. Continue with the IC. Figure out ways to boost your self esteem maybe you can try new ways to get fit ,exercise Together . It will bring you closer and you Will feel better.


Hugs Idiot....always remember you are wonderful too.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 5:21 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 5