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User Topic: How do I find her
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, June 13th (Thursday)

All I have is her first name the town and state .....and a possible college she may attend ....but I can't find her . I'm so depressed right now . I want to see what he saw I want to have been there that night . I'm drowning right now....she only knows his first name how would I know if she is pregnant ? ( they used protection) but still . I'm in such horrible pain right now .



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, June 13th (Thursday)

Focus on your pain - feeling it and letting it go.

Focusing on ow keeps the pain inside, hurting you. At this point, she's irrelevant and totally unimportant. Your healing is what counts, and it's the only thing you can control anyway.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10430 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Take it from me. I have been torturing myself with looking up pictures of OW. It's horrible. Go to IC, work on YOUR issues, pain, and healing...

I'm just starting to heal myself.

Plus, it will never end. I want to see more pictures. It's horrible. I hate the place I brought myself to. I've been changing that.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 14th (Friday)

I know its just human nature to want to see what the ow looks like. There'sa thread going.now about it. If she's unattractive, you can't figure out why it happened, if she is attractive, it makes you feel insecure. Her looks really don't have much to do.with the why of it. Your ws confessed, that is a huge plus for your M. Some of us have never gotten a confession with a box full of
proof in our arms.
I will say though that it does help to.have a name or an image due to the fact that you don't want to be standing next to.her and not know who she is.
I'm so sorry your having to go through such hell. Read up on the healing library and see what true remorse looks like. There's an abundance of good info. I hope things work out for your family.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5172 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, June 14th (Friday)

As an answer to your question (I didn't give up looking, I created a minimal facebook and searched the heck out of that search engine until I found them...

You can type in a name and advance the search with a college name or city/state. You can even type in a phone #, that's how I found out about OW. Good luck! Oh, and don't use those online websites, they're rip offs. Also, check your phone bills! That's how I got my first lead...

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:11 PM, June 14th (Friday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, June 14th (Friday)

On the other side of this coin, I've seen a picture of OW and all it did was give me nightmares and horrible, wretched day visions. I wish I did not know anything about her.

It makes her real, and I would rather just her be a faceless demon.

And FWIW, just the thought of her name makes me throw up.

It didn't make me glad to hear, but sometimes there are answers that are better not to have and may just not come.

And at one point, hopefully HuRt, you'll get to a point where you don't want to know anymore.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 6