SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: Boundaries Issues
FR2012
Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, June 14th (Friday)

I have been doing a lot of work on myself the past year. I have been bettering myself in order to be better for my husband and children.

The other day I had to make a phone call, my husband was sitting next to me while I was on the phone. I ended up talking to a male on the phone. When I got off the phone my husband pointed out that I was a little bit flirty on the phone with my fake laugh. I never noticed how I was acting. I didn't think I was being flirty at the time but thinking about it after he pointed it out, I was. I wasn't meaning anything by it and wasn't doing it intentionally.

I know I still have a of work to do on myself to be where I want to be. I am still having trouble strengthening my boundaries though. Anyone have any suggestions on how I could go about doing so?


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 14th (Friday)

FR, with the little you have here, I would be hard pressed to say that a fake laugh while talking to I guess was a call center for something would be a boundary crossing.

I guess why do you now think it was a boundary crossing? Was personal info shared?


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Hey FR2012

Was it a guy you knew or a call centre guy?

My only suggestion is to be aware of your voice tones. My BH has called me out and imitated my phone voice with my customers. I had no idea I was using a different tone with my male customers. He said to me which still haunts me.. "Gee I wish you talked to me like that". This was preA and all that so it was a random call out on my phone voice. Since then I have really made an effort to keep a normal voice. It takes practice when you don''t know you do it until you have been called out on it.


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 768 | Registered: Jul 2012
SurprisinglyOkay
Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 14th (Friday)

MUC ^^^ post 666!!!!


I wasn't meaning anything by it and wasn't doing it intentionally.


I'm really taking a look at this right now!

I'm looking at how I come across. Just because I'm not outwardly flirting, does not mean that I'm acting appropriately.
I think it's going to take a hell of a lot of self awareness!!!

There was a thread started about boundaries a few days ago (by me).
It's called Another Boundary Thread... There might be some helpful responses there.

[This message edited by broevil at 1:23 PM, June 14th (Friday)]


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1130 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Oh crap! I didn''t notice that.. This will be my post count changer. Phew!!


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 768 | Registered: Jul 2012
Listeningclosely
Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, June 14th (Friday)

How about using a digital recorder to record your voice as you talk on the phone for a while? Then go back and play it back listening to your voice. We frequently have no idea how we sound or even what we are saying as we say it. Listening afterward can be a real eye opener.


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 24 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4467 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
FR2012
Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Hardlessons:

If you need more details in order to understand better, I will provide.

It was a call center agent that I talked to.

I guess why do you now think it was a boundary crossing? Was personal info shared?

No personal information was shared. I just feel that I crossed a line of talking to someone on the phone. I guess I just feel like I was too friendly while talking to him.


MUC:

It was a guy from a call center.

Whenever I talk on the phone, I don't really pay attention how I talk or the tone in my voice. I honestly never realized it until my husband pointed it out to me after that call. I guess that is something I do have to pay attention to.


broevil:

Just because I'm not outwardly flirting, does not mean that I'm acting appropriately.

You are right. I never thought about it that way.

I am going to go and read your thread about boundaries.

Listeningclosely:

That sounds like it might be a good idea. That way I could analyze what is said and how it is said. Thank you for the suggestion.


Thank you everyone for your responses. It has given me something to think about and look at about myself.

[This message edited by FR2012 at 10:35 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 7