New Beginnings
User Topic: In pain for not being ready
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, June 14th (Friday)

After 2 y of great and beautiful romance with intimate (besides sex) connection, the dream has come to an end. My SO broke up with me a couple months back.

I am lost in pain and miss the time we spent together in my or her house, long breakfasts and conversations about life and future trips or projects. I was all in but now I know she was always on the fence.

Heartbroken is a bit*&U^% feeling.

I gave myself to her in mind and flesh, I was the most loving and caring, loyal, considered and honest I have ever been. I opened up to her the most intimate thought of my inner self, but it was not enough.

I am suffering because of my incapacity to stop my XW my make my life impossible with SO.

I am taking responsibility of my lack of character to have strong boundaries with the mother of my children which used them to torture me while I was with me SO.
I have learned plenty of things in this relationship which I will use in my next relationship and hopefully, I'll be ready to honor the person and give everything again. Until that, I will be recovering for a while and taking care of myself because now I do need it.

I do not know if my capacity to love and give everything is a gift or a curse.

Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2011
little turtle
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Take some time to take care of yourself. (((mhl)))

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4209 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 14th (Friday)


Posts: 35919 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, June 15th (Saturday)


Take time to regroup, you gave it your best and that is all you can do. Kudos to you for taking it as a learning experience. I'm just sorry that happened.

Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I'm sorry that it hurts, because you've suffered loss before, you know that this pain will heal with time and work. You know that it takes a lot of time.

I do not know if my capacity to love and give everything is a gift or a curse.
It is a gift. ((missherlots))

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 16th (Sunday)


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 472 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, June 17th (Monday)

There are two things at issue here. One is that you cannot control your ex. The other is that there are steps you can take to enact consequences for this nutcase behavior. The first is on your SO to accept. It is not a failing of hers if she doesn't want to put up with it. We all have baggage and yours happens to be your nutcase ex.

But back to what you can control. What did you do to try and protect you and your SO. There are laws and processes you could have availed yourself of. What happened?

At the end of the day it is her decision. Frankly, having had a small taste of this sort of behavior in a long-ago relationship, I have very little tolerance for it.

I have even less tolerance for a person who doesn't take steps to shield their life and those of the folks in it from this nonsense.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29666 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 7