SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: questions
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 14th (Friday)

things you shouldnt ask? things you should.....only so many when it was a ONS and lasted maybe 3 hours from hello to convo and to hotel



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
ms521
Member
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, June 14th (Friday)

You need to ask questions that figure out WHY they allowed this to happen. What, in their head, made this choice okay in their mind. Where do they draw their boundary lines and why did they cross them? Why did they think they could do this without consequences, and IS THIS THE PERSON THEY WANT TO BE?

WH and I have been talking a lot about that last one. When we first met, we talked a lot about what we wanted to DO with our lives. Now we're focusing on who we want to be IN our lives.

I don't care if it was a ONS or a 3 year affair... in either scenario the WS needs to figure out why they allowed themselves to cross a boundary line. What were they seeking? In what kind of environment could this happen again? And what tools are going to be developed to ensure it doesn't happen again.


Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)


Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, June 14th (Friday)

I agree. The reasons why they allowed it in the first place is what needs to be addressed.

Things I was advised not to ask, were sexual details. I'm so glad I listened. I have never had a "real" mind movie, only made up stuff in my head that wasn't true. Our sex life has been the best during our HB and I refuse to let OW in my sexual world. It's mine and all mine.

But, I still can't go on a vacation because that would require going to a hotel, which I'm not ready to do bc that's where FWH took his loser tramps.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.He will cheat again. But, It wont be on me.

Posts: 911 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 3