SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Off Topic
User Topic: I worry.
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

So much about other people. This situation, of which I have no control, has kept me sleepless for two nights.

I am retiring soon. My position is a desirable one. Eight people applied for it, one of whom is my assistant. She isn't going to get it, despite my recommendation. The trouble is, there are, most likely, several others more qualified than she. I wasn't in on the interviews, I only know a bit about some of the applicants.

My assistant is in dire need of a full time, professional position. She works for peanuts, has student loans in default, her family is about to lose their home to foreclosure, her elderly father is in jail for attempted murder of her mother. She could enhance her chances of getting a position by taking teacher preparation courses but cannot afford it.

I know I have no control over this, and have done everything I could do, so how do I stop worrying about her? I have come to be very fond of her in the 18 months I've known her...


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Hi sK, well, the thing about worrying is that it is not productive. I know you probably know this but still....its hard to stop.

This particular worry falls into the box of: Impt but have no control over. (kind of like worrying about a plane crash).

May I suggest that once she finds out she did not get the job, you take her out for lunch and let her know how much you were rooting for her. Let her know you think she is an excellent worker and has much to offer.

You can always hand her a nice card at the end of the lunch with some words about how valuable she was to you in your time together and how you see bright things for her in spite of the personal turmoil around her. She sounds like a survivor (and you sound like a good person).

I had saved a few notes from supervisors and colleagues and found them the other day. I re-read them and they were so heart-felt and genuine...I put them back in the box. One day I will come across them again and will think warmly of these people who rooted for me.

Maybe you can write up a draft now - take your mind off worrying!

LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

That's good advice. I have already set the stage for her by mentioning my own set backs, career-wise, and suggesting that she hang in there and put in more time in the school district. I have mentored her the best I can.

And lunch is a great idea.

I am a master of worry. As futile as it may be!


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I hear ya!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

I so know how you feel! My future son-in-law has only been able to work very part time this last year due to an automobile accident injury (other guy ran a stop sign). He is a chef and cannot do the heavy lifting that a chef needs to do.

He has gone on 3 interviews at a company my neighbor/best friend works for. They have 5 candidates for the job - he is the least qualified, skillwise, but the best personality, ambition, wants-the-job wise. I don't think he is going to get the job, and my heart breaks for him.

I would offer to write her a wonderful letter of recommendation for her files before you leave for her use in future job opportunities. Other than that, we can be supportive, but cannot get a job for them. Oh if it were so easy...


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6005 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

Offering to be a reference whenever she needs one and writing a letter of recommendation are great ways to help. I'll keep her in my thoughts. Hopefully something will break in her favor soon.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24435 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 6