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User Topic: Advice re xWH
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Question  Posted: 9:31 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

It has come to my attention that my xWH is being invited to a party at my work that takes place in 2 weeks. It''s our biggest event of the year, many visiting dignitaries, & my attendance is mandatory.

My security team has promised to intercept xWH if & when he arrives telling him he has to stay away from me & is not allowed to speak to me & that if he does, he will be removed from the event & reported to HQ.

I''ve been contemplating emailing xWH & telling him that I expect him not to come, & that all the principal officers are aware of who he is, what he''s done, & that if he comes, security will be informing him that he is to stay away from me.

Is that stirring the pot? Am I increasing the chances he''ll attend if I do this? Or will his pride cause him to avoid a location where all the VIPs know what a shit he is embarrass him enough to choose not to attend?

I''ve been going back & forth in my mind for days now trying to decide what the optimal choice is that will best protect me. What are your alls thoughts?


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3053 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
meaniemouse
Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I wouldn't say anything to your ex. It sounds like you have a lot of people that will have your back there--he is the one that will be outnumbered. Hopefully he has enough sense to stay away. If not, you're covered so I'd take the high road and not say anything to him about it at all.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2105 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I'd be concerned that warning him that security will tell him not to contact you at the party will be perceived by him as a "challenge". Will his ego be all about trying to show what a "great guy" he really is?

It sounds like you will be busy all night and will be surrounded by people who are on your side. Ask one of the people you can trust to stick close to your side throughout the party to be your support person. You have a strategy in place to manage things if it escalates, unless it escalates ignore his ass at the party. If he tries to start something, security will be there to shut it down.

I wouldn't warn him or ask him not to come. Crickets now. Crickets at the party.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3081 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

I agree with the others. Do not speak to him. Don't open the door to communication.

Make him invisible cayc. It does take practice but you can do it.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5532 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

It''s so against my nature to "do nothing" but I realize that you all are right. Crickets is always the better course of action & besides, surely I''m strong enough by now to see him without fainting from terror. And too, maybe I''ll get "lucky" and he''ll make an ass out of himself & make it all worse for himself in the same moment. Lets hope so, I could use a dose of karma vis a vis him.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3053 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

I know that security will be running interfereance, but do you have colleague-friends who will be at this event as well, who can not just keep him away from you, but keep an eye on you and how you're doing? Distractions, reassurances, etc.?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

Yes I''ve got one close friend assigned to the same detail as me & ironically since my entire workplace knows the story & who he is, a lot of people will be paying attention to me.

I''m trying to be grateful for all the support I''ve got, but it still just chaps me that I D this asshole & can''t seem to get rid of him. It be one thing if we had kids but we don''t ... so shouldn''t D plus move to another country mean get out of my life??? Sheesh.

Oh & another update: xWH finally figured out I wasn''t going to respond to his constant emails about getting my box of stuff, so he mailed it to my office. And in it he included tools I gave him when we were just dating and of course he very helpfully included his return address on the package so now I know where he lives. Gah! Fucker.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3053 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

It sounds like you have a good plan in place cayc - stay strong.

I see you're hitting your 1 year antiversary from D (I noticed because it's on my bday) - how are you feeling about that?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4456 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

I vote you mark the box Return to Sender and mail that shit back.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

You know it''s funny, but I just now reached the point where I''m thrilled that I''m divorced & proud of myself for being so. I''ll admit for being grateful for that feeling. I am however still really desirous of karma happening so I know I need to get to the point where I don''t even think about that. In reality, I''ve never been one to attach meanings to days. For me it''s actually physical locations that get tainted ... I think that''s one reason why I don''t want xWH at my work. I don''t want it tainted by his presence or a memory of him yet again being a jerk.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3053 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

But keep in mind cayc this: he's not your jerk anymore. He's just another random asshole.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7535 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, June 17th (Monday)

He's just another random asshole.

Too true.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, June 17th (Monday)

he's not your jerk anymore. He's just another random asshole.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3081 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 17th (Monday)

Ha ha, well yes that''s true too! Maybe that''s what I should say to him if he does have the temerity to approach me


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3053 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Topic Posts: 14