User Topic: Update
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

It seems likely my STBX and his MOW have both been reading SI, so I haven't been saying much lately. I had a friend warn me not to post anything in an online forum where he might possibly find me and see that his strategy was wearing me down, but on the recording we have (the MOW's husband recorded them) my husband and the OW say that he needs a new strategy because it's "getting worse" and they could only mean I was feeling BETTER (because I was) and I think they were reading here to get that impression. And the new strategies they talked about were just more abuse. Basically, if it was working, he would amp it up, and if it wasn't working, he would...amp it up. So there was no way for me to avoid it, really.

Anywho, I'm still stuck in paradise, but we no longer have to live together. We did get the temporary restraining order, based on the conversation recorded by MOW's BH, and we got a continuance on that, so our hearing will be next week.

We don't have a custody evaluation set up yet, and I'm not sure if that's because he's going to refuse to agree to one or because he's trying to drag things out for as long as possible. The judge will order one if we ask, and we will, so I'm not sure what sort of strategy this is. They've done formal discovery requests asking for my therapist's notes, my medication list for the past 3 years, the results of any psychological testing I've ever had done in my entire life, and a few other things. I don't know the purpose of that, since I've never been diagnosed with anything other than depression, and that was years ago. Even through all this mess now, I'm not and haven't been depressed, so there's nothing to find. And medication...I had a script for heartburn meds during my last pregnancy and after the one before that, and I think they gave me something for a cough or congestion during my last pregnancy. Other than that, I can't even remember any prescriptions.

Basically, I have no idea what's going to happen or how much longer I'm going to be living in Paradise Prison. It's not ideal being kept here, because it's ridiculously expensive and I would like to get on with my life already, but I'm resigned to whatever happens. If I say life is good and they read this, I guess they'll try to do something to make it bad. If I say life is bad and they read this, I guess they'll say that means they should try to do something to make it worse, so that maybe I'll give up. Either way, they'll shit on me, so I suppose it really doesn't matter what I say. There are things to be happy about and things to be stressed about. :)

I've been trying to stick to general, generic posts in others' threads (other than about my MIL sending me a virus, because that was funny) to avoid "poking the bear", in case they are reading here, but I was feeling like I needed a touch of SI support, so there's my update.

Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Grace and Flowers
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Well, Coraline, you've got the support. You can only do what you can do, be who you are. I'm so sorry you're having to live under such stress, and I do hope the pace picks up for you. your tagline...Mumford & Sons totally got me through some of my darkest times. That dude can write, can't he. I actually put some of the lyrics on my bedroom wall, to uplift me. One of the ones that helped me most was After the Storm:

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

You WILL get over your hill, Coraline...with grace and flowers.

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 10:14 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, June 15th (Saturday)


If you need to, you can private message anyone you want on the forum. It might be easier to do that, they can't read your private messages without having your ID and password.

I am glad you posted.. I was wondering about you. Sounds like things have improved slightly... and are looking to be finalized soon.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

It is good to hear from you. I am sorry that you are in some kinda paradise limbo.

my husband and the OW say that he needs a new strategy because it's "getting worse" and they could only mean I was feeling BETTER (because I was) and I think they were reading here to get that impression. And the new strategies they talked about were just more abuse. Basically, if it was working, he would amp it up, and if it wasn't working, he would...amp it up.

Damn, that is shitty! Devilspawn!

Your are one smart cookie, hang in there.

((((Coraline))))you will prevail.

And HEY Mr. Coraline and OW, UP YOURS!

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Great to hear from you Coraline.

I second Kajem's suggestion of OM.

Mods, I do wish we could have multiple recipients of PMs.


Hopefully one day soon you won't be quite so important in their lives. Right now you are the 'glue' holding that leaky ship together. Unfortunately you can still be that glue even without participating - I hadn't realised that until now.

Leave them to their sad lives. Brace yourself for what is to come and remind yourself that no matter what he pulls nothing is as bad as still being in a relationship with him.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Stay strong. PM anytime you need an ear.

And HEY Mr. Coraline and OW, UP YOURS!


[This message edited by fallingquickly at 11:17 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

Divorced and beginning my new life.

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, June 15th (Saturday)


We are here for you! We don't need updates. Just check in every now and then and let us know you are okay. You can update us when it's safe to do so. Stay strong, you'll get through this.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, June 16th (Sunday)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

((((Coraline)))) I'e been thinking about. you. I hope your paradise prison lets you go soon!

BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

Thank you so much for the update! I have been thinking of you! Please pm me anytime! Take care!!

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

Thanks or the update Coraline, I have been wondering about you.

You can do it :) You have been incredibly brave honey keep going.

Douche & OW will get theirs!

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1361 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 6:33 AM, June 16th (Sunday)


Please note the following guideline:

FLAMING & ATTACKING: Please refrain from attacking another member, publicly or by using the Private Message feature. Do not bait or call out others. This includes members and non-members.

Thank you.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38093 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

So glad you posted...I've been thinking about you. I hope that you are able to resolve this crap quickly and get out of 'paradise.'

I hope you have seen improvement in your daughter since he's been gone. I'm willing to bet you are feeling alot more at peace now that he is out of your space. And thank goodness for MOW's BH!

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

Hang in there Coraline!

You'll be fine!

PM me anytime. I know what it is like to be married to a sociopath, manipulative, serial-cheating military man...all while 1000's of miles away from home and dealing with crazy-making.

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, June 17th (Monday)

Ugh. I'm so sorry they're continuing their efforts. Thank you for updating, I've been thinking about you.

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, June 17th (Monday)

Does he have to submit his mental health history too? I hope your lawyer is asking for a psych eval and maybe supervised visits now that you have an RO. I mean, it's pretty logical that someone who abuses their wife would also turn that nastiness on their kids eventually.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 36559
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, June 17th (Monday)

Good Lord honey, what you have to deal with right now. Stay strong. (((Coraline)))

Me 36
DS 16
DD 4


I've made a huge mistake - GOB

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: missmydogs
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 17th (Monday)

Sorry you have so much to deal with. Stay strong!! (((Coraline)))

Mumford and Sons in my tagline too. :)

DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld

Posts: 772 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Of course I don't want to say too much, because I just don't know if they are reading here right now, but we haven't asked for a psych eval. Obviously if he follows through on making accusations about my mental health, there will have to be one for both of us. I do wonder how accurate a psych eval would actually be, if he has his girlfriend, the social worker/counselor/mental health professional, advising him about what to say, how to act, etc. It doesn't worry me, just a point of curiosity, and since I'm NOT a mental health professional, I wouldn't be in a place to determine if his was accurate or not anyway, unless it was just ridiculous, lol.

Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, June 17th (Monday)

I think that''s pretty damned flattering that your STBX and his CumDumpster have to build up their little egos by trying to gang up and attack you! This ought to be a real eye-opening experience for Ms. CD. It''s not every STBX that shows his current honeypot exactly how he is going to shaft her, when its her time to go! That ought to make some Pretty Interesting Conversations in bed when her mouth isn''t full.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 20