SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Details: When is it too much
CatchyUsername
Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

I am only 6 weeks from DDay. WH has been 100% NC and 100% remorseful. He has answered every question that I have. He has accepted the A is 100% his fault but also embraced that he was likely used for money and sex by OW. He has answered every question that I have posed.

I seem to be a bit strange in that I do not keep asking the same question over and over, rather my questions go deeper and deeper.

Stage 1 Questions: When were your rendezvous?
Stage 2 Questions: What did you do (did you have dinner? how much did you spend? Did you have sex?)
Stage 3 Questions: I am asking for play-by-play of a night.

Last night was the first time I asked for play-by-play - specifically of their first few nights together (before they were having sex) - it was so awful I feel so much rage.

But the questions just keep coming. Is this normal?


Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

Yes it's normal

The answer to your question is different for everyone. I needed to know everything. For many just knowing they were together was enough.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36497 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

My Qs went deeper as time went on, so that makes sense to me. Don't worry about not asking the same question more than once - you'll probably do it in the future.

You get to decide what level of detail you want. I'd go slow, especially at firs, so you can see how you respond to the details you get, but in the end - ask anything you want to ask.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

When You say it is too much.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

6 weeks. Wow. Hugs to you. I remember that time.

My questions got deeper as time went on and one set of questions, always spurred on another set.

I didn't ask for any play by play. I mean...I KNOW how to have oral sex so I don't need to know how THEY had oral sex. Ya know?

Now I ask ?'s like, "So, did you get that if you ended up with this person that our boys would see HER the same way, you see J?" J is now the wife of his dad.

Be careful what you ask CU. That is all I am saying.

LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2112 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 5