SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Alimony question-do I have to support his prostitutes?
Athena1979
Member
Member # 39393
Question  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

Hey- I'm the girl who caught her 2 faced husband with multiPle prostitutes.

Reconciliation is not possible, as, just found text messages from today to one of his fave prostitutes and another to one from backpage.

I'm scared of divorce. I've worked so hard for what I have.

We have 2 children together, a 7 year old and a 9 month old.

We will have been married for 2 years in November.

We've been living together since 2005.

He has a full time job that constantly has him laid off and I am forced to struggle to get bills paid and kids fed.

I make too much money to get any kind of welfare.

My husband, as it turns out, is a registered sex offender of sexual assault of a minor child. Plus, we will be divorcing due to his prostitution. I hate finding out these secrets.

Anyway, I don't think any judge would award him custody, a sex offender of a minor who has a prostitution habit.

So I am fairly confident I would get child support.

Would he be able to get alimony put of me? Even without kids?

I bought this house with my savings and long before we were married. The mortgage is in my name and he has never made a single payment towards the mortgage.

Could he take my house?

Do I have to sustain his life by providing a house for him, pay his bills and help him pay for prostitutes, since I have, apparently, been enabling this behavior for many, many years?

I know...talk to a lawyer. They are the only ones who can give me sound advice. And it depends on the state.

But just any perspective from personal experiences regarding alimony and property separation would be appreciated!

Thanks!


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

In my state, he couldn't take the house from you but you might have to pay him a bit of money because in my state all loan payments made while married would be considered joint property. His share would be first be calculated as a share of the total equity. (Basically half of how much the loan was paid down in your marriage vs the equity you owned at the time of marriage) and that could be scaled (up or down) based on the value of the home then versus now.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 9:53 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51944 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

Check with a lawyer in your state, but in mine, it is unlikely that alimony would be awarded after only 2 years of marriage. I have been married for almost 10 years (probably more once the D is final), and my L says to expect about 3 years of spousal support.

Also, my state is equitable distribution, not community property. Your house would not be marital property, so you would keep it. The most he could try would be to get a portion of the appreciation (if any) during the marriage. Again, that's my state, so you'd need to check how things work in yours.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 10:07 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
numbandnauseous
Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

I wouldn't worry about what you will get or won't get as far as money goes - YOU ARE MARRIED TO A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER/PEDOPHILE WHO IS FUCKING PROSTITUTES!!!! You have got to get you and your children as far away from him and as fast as possible!

Are you in IC? You will have a lot of trauma from this. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

With the above being said, I am not saying that you roll over and give him your house and money. Hire the best L you can and find out your options. Your situation is such that you have a very good upper hand and things will go your way generally. Might you have to give him a few concessions? Maybe, but it would be totally worth it to get away from him.

Talk to a L ASAP and you will know your rights and feel much better.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

Two years is not a very long time for the judge to consider alimony, I don't think. I was married for 9, and my lawyer said the courts like to see at least 10.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:55 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1232 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, June 16th (Sunday)

Any form of shared physical custody seems unlikely, however don't rule out the probability of at least supervised visits being ordered. You should expect him to fight you for it.

You should expect him to fight you for spousal support, too. Yes, your marriage is so short-term that normally it wouldn't apply. However, you were together for a very long time beforehand, so I would expect his lawyer to try to make the case that your entire relationship should count towards length. Not that he'd win, but you never know. At least expect him to try.

Him taking your house might not be likely. However, you having to pay him some kind of equitable cash payout wouldn't surprise me. Sorry, but I'm very jaded.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9536 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Athena1979
Member
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Thank you, everyone, for the honest and realistic expectations.

He has had the same lawyer for years and years. So they know each other very well.

He was divorced before and his lawyer helped him through that divorce.

My husband had tried to get alimony from his ex. He tried this without having kids with her. She just made more money and he wanted some of it.

He said his lawyer said he couldn't get alimony because they hadn't been married long enough. But I wasn't sure how long they were together before marriage.

He did end up having to pay off a pick up that was in her name but he drove it.

I'm trying to think of all the things he tried to pull off in his first divorce. It can be telling.

I wasn't around for the divorce, but I remember him talking about it.

I'm also considering an annulment. I certainly wouldn't have married him if I had known he has been sleeping with prostitutes and the sex offender thing. I have found so much for documentation for his addiction from before we were married. Although, I would have to figure out how to prove I didn't know.

The reason for annulment is that 1. He isn't who I thought he was. 2. Its one thing to get divorced. It validates that there was a marriage. For an annulment, it's like the marriage didn't happen.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, June 17th (Monday)

If I was Catholic I'd have gone for annullment. However, I understand that one still has to go through divorce for legal purposes.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9536 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, June 17th (Monday)

A legal annulment is different from a religious annulment. A legal annulment declares the marriage void from the beginning and takes the place of a divorce. It says that the marriage was entered into under false pretenses - essentially fraudulently. It sounds like you could have a case for that.

A catholic annulment requires a divorce first because it holds no civil legal standing. It is a religious determination.

I hope you got yourself tested for STD's. If he was having sex with prostitutes throughout your marriage and you have two children together you know you have been exposed to anything he may have. Please get tested.

As far as the community property - I seem to recall that in Texas, your house would be property that you brought into the marriage and as long as the title wasn't transferred into his name then you should be able to show that it is yours only and that he is not entitled to it.

Alimony has nothing to do with whether you have children - that would be covered by CS. In Georgia, proof of adultery is one of the fault reasons that disallows spousal support. I hope your state has a similr stipulation.

[This message edited by gahurts at 4:13 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, June 17th (Monday)

I guess it would depend on the state you live in. In my state he could not get your house if it was not acquired during the marriage. Also, alimony is not usually awarded when there is infidelity involved here, even though it is no fault. I would think that 2 years would not be enough time anyway.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 10