My GF of 7 years had an emotional affair on facebook for almost 3 months until I discovered it on 7 April 2013. They started having sweet chats since January. She just personally met the guy once in Dec 2012. They never met again since that time. But they were chatting 24/7 from January to April 7. The only reason they weren't chatting was because I was around and when they were sleeping.
The discovery really did hurt me a lot. I read their last facebook conversation and it made me freeze and shake a lot.
Since then, she's been proving how sorry she was. She's made herself an open book since May and told me she would do everything just to make us become happy again.
Since then, we've been seeing each other every single day. We've been having sex almost every day. She also answers all questions I have to the best of her knowledge.
I tried to break up with her several times. But then I usually found myself going to their house again just hours after. I'm very confused with myself.
I also did many wrong things...
I verbally abused her about what happened. I've been calling her names whenever I experienced triggers.
A day after D-Day, I called her names while she was saying sorry and crying hard. She was so hurt by what I said that she slapped me many times. And so I spanked her hard.
One night when we were together (just a couple of days after D-Day), I blamed her for the insomnia I was having. I hit her with a cardboard box of chocolates in the face. I cried hard after that and she helped me fall asleep.
Those are the only 2 instances when I hurt her physically. I vowed never to repeat that again.
It's the verbal abuse that I still do until now. If I really want to reconcile, I should stop it asap.
She read it somewhere here that it would take me 2-5 years to heal. She told me she would help me. But she can't take 2-5 years of punishment from me (I think she was referring to the verbal abuse).
I can say she's been doing her best to help me heal. She told me that I should help myself too.
I promised earlier that I would do my best to fight my triggers. And I also promised her I wouldn't talk about breaking up with her until August (while we are trying out best to fix things).
This is my question for this post:
HOW DO YOU FIGHT YOUR TRIGGERS?
For this day, I did 2 that made me fight my trigger...
When I was tempted to check out her phone again, I realized I should not do it and so I put it down. One small victory.
When their last facebook conversation was playing back again in my mind, I scratched her back and she smiled. One small happiness.
Please help me with other ways to fight my triggers.