SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Great conversation about Excuses
Conflicted1
Member
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Feeling encouraged this morning and I needed it as I am leaving tomorrow for a week and WH will be home alone with too much time on his hands for my comfort. Saturday we went to ball game unprepared with jackets. Shortly into game (4th inning) I wanted to go home. Normally I wouldn't ask and would just suffer in silence and i would put his wants first and not speak up. Anyway I did ask if he minded leaving and he was ok with it so we did. Winning. but then...In the car I had those ugly voices of doubt saying --you're boring, this is why he cheats on you because its sat at 8p and you want to go home. Then it cuts deeper telling me I am fatter and older than all these young cute things that he is attracted to. You know the self citicicism storm. Made me cry nearly all the way home. I wasn't ready to talk about it and he tried to be patient but i could tell he was exasperated and had a loud audible sigh when I wasn't talking about what was wrong. After we sat silently watching a video for a while I had processed through things and started the conversation. Had to tell those damn critics in my head to shut the f/$& up and accept the fear I had that by sharing my innermost thoughts. I knew i was making myself vulnerable to the Jekyll and Hyde enemy/friend that I now clearly see my husband to be. I told him how I was feeling and he quietly said I understand. Those same things you tell yourself are the kind of excuses I made to myself too when I was acting out. The difference is that you reason with yourself before acting and I don't and I am so sorry.


Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Well good for you both!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1728 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
powerthroughpain
New Member
Member # 39165
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Did he apologize and comfort you for the pain you were experiencing? Remember, you have to get that crap out. Holding things in may have gotten you and your husband to this place, now itstime to change the pattern for the better.


14 years together 1 dd 3 yold
5 years married
WW dday 4/23/13 8 month ea/pa
WW in ic
Separated
No contact finally 6/3/13
Not working on r
Filing for d

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: powerthroughpain
Wonderingwhy11
Member
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Those same things you tell yourself are the kind of excuses I made to myself too when I was acting out. The difference is that you reason with yourself before acting and I don't and I am so sorry.

Wow - that is great for him to admit the difference between someone who thinks before saying or doing something hurtful and someone who doesn't. That is I think he is getting it moment. Good for you to tell your inner dialogue to shut up.


Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'


Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
Knowing
Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 17th (Monday)

My fWH and I are starting to have those good conversations. Your WS seems to get it, certainly admitting his brokenness is a big step. I hope in the future he remembers he can turn to you for support.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 5