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New Beginnings
User Topic: Follow up on dissconnect, and I am falling hard
want_to_forgive
Member
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, June 17th (Monday)

I posted a few days ago about feeling really disconnected from the last 12 years of my life. I was concerned that something might be wrong with me that I am viewing my marriage through a filter of unreality.

I had a long talk with the guy I am seeing about this this last weekend. He has been in my life throughout my marriage and offered the following observation:

“Want_to_forgive, you have made the decision to move on with your life and be happy. It isn’t in you to hold a grudge or be angry all the time. In order for you to move forward in a healthy way you have had to separate yourself from the injustice of your marriage and the years you gave up for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you just choose happiness over sadness and I love that about you.”

So that made me feel better.

He really is a sweetheart. When we are together it feels so easy and right. I am trying hard to keep an appropriate amount of distance and go slow, but when he looks in my eyes and says “I ADORE you” it’s hard not to fall.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, June 17th (Monday)

I didn't see your other post, but this guy sounds like a positive influence for you. Good for you!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4456 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)

This makes me smile. Thank you for sharing.

I posted recently that I'm starting to feel like this whole mess happened to a good friend of mine - not to me.

In many ways it is true. I'm not that woman - I never was. I was just playing a part. I don't need to play that part anymore. I'm just free to be me. And it is glorious!!

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 9:03 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5532 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Heavy Sigh
Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)

He is wise.

I realized this weekend how I did a similar disassociation in order to get through pain in childhood. All of my friends posted photos of their father on Facebook. I commented on the photos, gave our daughter a photo of her dad with her as a baby for her to post on Facebook.

BUT NOT ONCE for the years I've been on Facebook, ever thought to post a photo of my dad, who when I was in fourth grade.

I had disassociated with him, and with Father's Day, in order to get past the fear and grief of the shocking loss at the time, and to be able to get on with my life.

Sometimes we do what we have to do in order to move forward.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 8:56 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 4