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New Beginnings
User Topic: sex talk
eyenight
Member
Member # 39488
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Last night bf and I had the sex talk. We are waiting until the right time as in we want to add that in the mix of our relationship at some time. Not sure when yet. It's bound to happen.
It's going.to.happen at.some.point but not yet. I'm not ready and nor is he. The.longer.wewait the better and special it will be. He said he.doesn't even know what I like sexually. He and I haven't gtten to know each other on a deeper level yet . We are still getting to know eachother better. I know a few of his secrets and soe of his past. He's started to get comfortable telln me deep dark secrets and that's huge for him. He has a dark past. He also told me he wants to take care of me. He wants to see where this. Goes. Taking things slow is good aswe will get to know eachother before we complicate things with sex bc once that is added things change.

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, June 17th (Monday)

What do you mean by 'dark past'?

It is said that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. What changes has he made, what work has he done?

These are the discussions I'd be having if I were contemplating a relationship with someone.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 17th (Monday)

It is said that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. What changes has he made, what work has he done?

My XWH used to talk about that time of his life when he lost his mind. How foretelling that turned out to be, and I wish I would have asked the questions above.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4562 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, June 17th (Monday)

He's started to get comfortable telln me deep dark secrets and that's huge for him. He has a dark past.

I would agree to question the work that he has done on these secrets. My ex had them too, but the problem was he didn't do anything to work on them.

I would say that if he worked on those secrets and went through counseling or guidance, they wouldn't be so deep or dark anymore, they would just be something else in his past that he had to deal with.. If they are still deep and dark, then it sounds like he needs to get help..

Please tread carefully. You can't fix someone who doesn't want to fix himself. It sounds rather manipulating to me.. It feels good to think you are the angel that helps someone deal with their deep dark past, but that's not how they heal. They heal by working on it themselves and reaching out for help, not just admitting to you that it's there..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2249 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
eyenight
Member
Member # 39488
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I had a long post and.it didn't post. He's in counseling. He knows why he had triggers and has done the work not for it happen again so that is why we are taking things slowly. He's working really hard on himself. He sees a future with me. I got the house key last.night. I never got the keys when I was with army. So makes me.think that he's.serious about me.

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5