User Topic: How many of you
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

Said if he does it again I'm outta here and stayed?


I ask because I say that know i wont take him back and though I believe it won't happen again I won't be dumb either its possible its all possible hell I could cheat right if I'm not careful if I lose sight if I compromise my morals ...
How do you really know what you will accept and won't. I'm scared I don't have a line in the sand because I said if he ever cheated I'd leave guess where I am???....yeah I'm here loving him dealing with shit.

Will I take him back again god forbid he do this again ? I feel like I would be able to put aside my feeling and let go but I guess I won't know ...

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 5:32 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

No, I am 100% positive if WH cheats again I will not take him back.. I firmly believe in the old adage.. "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

My Ex cheated, I forgave him & we R'ed but when he cheated the 2nd time, it was over..

I know I will feel the same with WH.. & I know I will be much stronger & able to handle if he cheats again

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4784 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

Said if he does it again I'm outta here and stayed?

me. I actually saw him on top of another woman, three months after the first one. When I pulled him off of her and saw that it was a different woman I thought to myself, oh, he's really sick, it has nothing to do with who he's choosing to perpetuate his illness with.
and so I stayed.
But I do regret it. Not kicking him out, so /I could work exclusively on myself. But I was frantic. i'm getting there....

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5286 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I did

I'm not going to again. Next time I'm leaving for my kids, so that they can see that I am no longer willing to put up with being mistreated.

I have had a troubled past (childhood abuse and abusive boyfriend) and am somewhat used to the cycle of abuse, from my past. It's hard to break out of but I will do it should he repeat himself again. At this point if my WH were to continue or have another A. That is flat out abuse.

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I did.
I said that a NUMBER of times over our 18yr marriage (see my signature and profile).

Why? Mainly because I was afraid I wouldnt be able to take care of my kids on my own. So I went back to school, finished my degree, and got my ducks in a row.
When he did it yet again (the last time for me), I kicked him out and never looked back.

I'm still pissed at myself for having stayed so long. I have been telling anyone woman who will listen (daughter, son, nieces, nephews, friends, etc) to NEVER let yourelf become financially dependent on another person.

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 38537
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I have, at least for now.

I told him shortly after dday 1 that if it ever happened again it was done.

Dday 2 occurred about two weeks ago and... he's still here. The reason he's still here, he's showing remorse, he's answering my questions and generally kissing my ass. All thing he never did after dday 1. I'm still not 100% decided about what the future will hold and I do loathe myself at times for not sticking to my guns. But then I look at our daughter and think how a divorce will fundamentally change her.

When it comes down to it I'm a bit of a coward and still firmly fence sitting, but definitely getting stronger.

Me - 40
WH - 41
Dday - Oct 7, 2012
Dday 2 - June 4, 2013
Married - 7 years
2 daughters, 9 years old and 1 month old

Posts: 145 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 38674
Happy  Posted: 6:10 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I did if he does again I told him im gone

me 33
him 32
6 wonderful kids 12 yrs 8 yrs 5 yrs 4 yrs and 2 yrs ..and new baby
married 10 years together for 12 yrs
working on R

my give a damn is busted

Posts: 225 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: cold ohio
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I did, and I also said I would leave if anyone ever cheated on me. I haven't decided what to do yet, but I'm leaning towards S&D.

He was a loving, caring WS and I thought he got it. He did and behaved in all the ways we hope and pray a WS will. Then I discovered he forgot the biggest detail, he never left his AP.

I was checking phone, email, keylogger and he got around all of it. He took it so far underground and put on the show of a lifetime...oscar worthy.

How do you trust a liar? Maybe the better question is; why would you trust a liar? I ask myself that question everyday. Every.Single.Day.

"fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

This rings so true for me.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I did. More than once.

Why? Because I had spent so many years being so successfully gaslighted and emotionally abused that it took a really, really long time for me to realize that what I *thought* my life was (and had been) did not line up with what it *actually* was.

It was only once I was able to really *see* what I was dealing with and how pretty much every word out of his mouth was an effort to control and manipulate me in a way designed so that HE had the outcome that HE desired that I was able to walk away.

It was really horrible and the memories are extremely unpleasant. I was a total idiot to give him so many extra chances......

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)

I did. I can't say with confidence it was more than contact in April so I'm staying. I did tell him if I ever learned he so even so much as thinks of chickie again that he is gone. There will not be a next time. There will not be a 'trying to finish a conversation'. There won't be a "but we ALL went out". A next time of any sort is the end. It will be. I won't do this again.

Why? I honestly don't know.

[This message edited by stunnedin12 at 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I did, I took him back several times.

Numerous reasons:

I was extremely co-dependant and my ex is a classic NPD.

He was very emotionally controlling as well.

For me the vows I agreed to kept playing over in my head, (for better or worse), he also promised the world was seemingly doing what I needed him to do, was in MC & IC. He was not only lying to me but the IC & MC as well. We were in FR for a long time.

I also have a special needs child and thought of raising that child as a single parent was overwhelming. But I am now doing it, and doing it well.

In the end I realised I deserved more then he was willing to give. So gave him the choice give up the OW forever or me. He chose OW so I packed his stuff and made him move out immediately.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1361 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I have to raise my hand here, too. It turned out my H was a serial cheater. I stayed until I could get my ducks in a row and then escaped to a much better life.

Me-50 BW

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I can't predict the future. If my W betrays me again, I have no idea what I'll do.

I don't think it will be pretty, though....

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

FUCK THAT! I'm waiting for him to cheat again so I can finally leave!

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

FUCK THAT! I'm waiting for him to cheat again so I can finally leave!

High Five! Me too! And if/when he does...

I'm going to blindside him with D papers

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I would like to say three strikes and you are out...but. I don't know. As of right now. He does it again...I think I will leave.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 32604
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I'm gone if I get an indication. I'm worth more than that.

BH (me), WW (her), 2 boys

"You will never be the same. You accept it. You will never have closure. There is no such a word as closure. Closure does not exist. Life is different. Now you get to choose what you're going to do with it."

Posts: 435 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: United States
Member # 39570
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I said this to my WH yesterday. I also opened an individual bank account, and told him that I plan to keep enough money in it to throw him out and file for D immediately if he ever does this again. I hope I never have to do that.

Me: BS, Him: WH, 3 kids
8/08: EA with former neighbor
1/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker #1
6/13: Sexting with Coworker #2

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 18