User Topic: Are you kidding me???
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Last night, one of our kids had done something 'bad'.

My WH says to me...

"I just don't get it. I don't understand how he can do something like this and not understand why it is so bad; not understand how it hurts people; and not make any attempts to do anything about it."

Are you kidding me?

If I responded with - "Because that is exactly how you have handled your infidelity" then there would be ugly words, threats about leaving that are never followed through on, and silent treatment for God know how long. So I left it alone.

I just sat there and cried. I guess in his vacuum he thought I was crying about my son.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 8:34 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I had one of those moments last night. We were watching TV and an ad came on for a dating site for "Cougars". My wife said "is that for real? do people really use sites like that?". Uh huh. It's as real as Ashley Madison honey...

I felt like crying too. Just another night with shitty sleep and nightmares. I guess there comes a time when their transgressions fade to them or are buried. I don't think it's malicious, because it's something she would of said prior to her A. Still...just hurts.

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

You are a better person than me. I am pretty sure I would have said "really? pot...kettle".

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

That is EXACTLY what I want to say - but it never helps anything. He just doesn't get it.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)


I have yet to gain that control over myself. I still blurt out what I want about half of the time.

Just the other day I was talking to WH about maybe taking a Krav Maga class (self defense). He told me that he prefers his woman to be feminine, to which I said you mean like MOW.

It's really hard for me not to throw it back when they set themselves up for it. I'm working on it though.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:52 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Weird how they don't see themselves. Mt ws made comments about DDs bf being a POS lying cheater. How could he do that to someone who loved and cared for him so much....really?????
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I caught my DS13 texting some very inappropriate comments to a girl last week. As I chastised him, my husband called - he was out of town dealing with sick grandma. I put my husband on speaker so he could chime in as needed.

I proceeded to read the text out loud, then tell my son how disrespectful and inappropriate the text was to the girl and to himself. That I don't care what his friends do/think. I only care about him. I said that if he carried himself with class, then people around him would start to respect him and act accordingly around him. Maybe they would even change their behavior too.

When I finished my yelling, I asked my H if he had anything to add. He said "No, you about covered it."

I didn't ask my H, but I've wondered if he understood that I was talking about him too. I was disgusted by my DS13's comments, but honestly, I've seen worse on my H's phone and computer.

Big Pot meet Little Pot...
Like Father, like son...

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I have to agree with you.

At times when I am giving a 'good talking to' to one of my kids, and I COULD use a totally different analogy, I use something that directly applies to my WH.

Of course, he chimes in, agrees, and never even acts like he has a clue that it also applies to him.

Do you think they don't see it?


Do they just avoid dealing with it?

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Same thing happened today we were talking about our daughters and what they will encounter when they get older like becoming sexually active he says: " I will be upset but I know it will happen all I can tell them is make sure your smart about it and won't regret your choice and its with the right person " yeah ok dude ( he wasn't smart and nor was it with the right person ....hmmm I guess he didn't think about that.....yeah she's not your wife buddy ...



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 32604
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I asked me WW once - during one of my angrier moments - how she planned to raise our sons given her actions. She just stared at me. No words. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She would live with this disaster her whole life.

As will I.

BH (me), WW (her), 2 boys

"You will never be the same. You accept it. You will never have closure. There is no such a word as closure. Closure does not exist. Life is different. Now you get to choose what you're going to do with it."

Posts: 435 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: United States
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Do you think they don't see it?

Sometimes we see it very clearly. I raise my children from the perspective of things I have done that ended disastrously, things that worked well for me, and things I learned from others.

While I am a wayward there are things other do I do not understand at all. There are things I do they don't. It is possible to have made poor choices in your own life understanding those quite well while not getting other's choices.

Although, when "you're" always looking at others actions it does leave a very blind spot for your own. There's that.

Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth

Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 11