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User Topic: What does love mean to you?
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I know this might sound like a stupid question but I think I might not know what real love looks like.

So what does love mean to you? What does it look like?

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

People write entire books about this, SI doesn't have enough room

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I know this might sound like a stupid question but I think I might not know what real love looks like.

You will when you find it. And you won't need someone else's definition to recognize it. You'll just know.

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 38370
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I don't think it's a stupid question - or maybe that's just what I tell myself because I've been wondering the same thing a lot recently.

I disagree that you know it when you find it. How is one to distinguish between real and not? Time?

I do believe that love is defined as different things to different people...and at different times in their life. But I'm still curious about what other people's definitions of love are.

I'm not quite clear on what my definition of it is.

ETA: I DO know that I LOVE my furbabies. But how to translate that to humans when people can frustrate us so?

ETA 2: Sorry AN - I think I have it corrected.

[This message edited by JustAShadow at 5:24 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

ME: 41 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 1997, 2003
Him: 35 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 2004, 3/2012 - 3/2014
Status: Living Apart

Posts: 200 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I can tell you what isn't.

It isn't painful, manipulative, a bargaining tool. It doesn't have an agenda of controlling someone else.

Courageous, have you read the book The 5 love languages... it might help you define the way you define love.

I need to reread it.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5270 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 2:59 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)


Please remember that OT is an infidelity-free zone.

Thank you.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38046 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

It means never having to say you're sorry.

nah, just kidding. That's a line from a movie.

To me, love is all about how you treat someone. If I said I loved my daughter and then refused to feed her or give her warm clothes in the winter, my love wouldn't be worth a damn. Same in love relationships IMO.

I think the feeling of "in love" is just hormones and bullshit. Real love comes later.

ETA: I realized I want to say something else! I think it also comes from authentically, truly knowing a person, appreciating what makes them unique.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 3:06 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

The older I get the less I think I know about this. It's hard to tease out what is pure love and what we think is love when considering history, obligation, respect, habit, family ties, duty, fear, obsession, beauty, personality, kindness, need, want, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

But even with all that--I still think I know it when I see it. Maybe.

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2126 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

The older I get the less I think I know about this.

That is how I feel too!

I know real love because of my parents. They truly loved me and showed me in many ways. Of course I also loved them, but all kids love their parents (unless the parent is truly awful, but even then sometimes kids still love that parent). I also share real love with my siblings. I care about them, I wish the best for them, I help them when they need a hand. I have their back and they have my back. I love my nieces and nephews but I would never lean on them if I had a problem. But I would absolutely help them if they had a problem.

I feel total and unconditional love for my child.

I used to think I understood romantic love. Now I know I don't understand it at all. At one time I truly and deeply loved my X. And I can honestly say I do not love him any more. I am not sure he ever loved me because I am not sure he knows how to love someone other than himself. But at one time I thought he loved me as deeply as I loved him.

In summary, at this age I feel that love is when I KNOW that I can depend on someone no matter what and I KNOW that they wish the best for me and and I KNOW that they cheer me on thru life and I KNOW that I can ask anything of them and they will try to help, AND they KNOW the same about me. I guess it really comes down to a deep trust and shared bond.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17687 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I feel total and unconditional love for my child.

IMO, this is all there is, anything else is limerence.

time wounds all heels

Posts: 5397 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Topic Posts: 10