User Topic: haterraid on tap this morning!
New Member
Member # 39586
Shutup  Posted: 1:16 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

UGH!!! So angry today!! I feel like I've drank a big pimp cup of haterraid and am ready for a fight!

Why do we have this urge to fight? I know it needs to be NC except fiances and it because I want to him hurt like I'm hurting? Is it because he seems fine, and he blames me for our DD being a total mess?

I want him to hurt, I want him to cry and not be okay.
The punch I smoked him with, just doesn't seem enough.

I'm pretty sure I'm keeping my anger as a defense, as we had separated before over his wandering ways. I got sucked back in.

I DO NOT want to be his friend. I envy people that can get along.

I feel like I need my anger....does anyone else feel like that?

I know it will go away,and I hope so, it's honestly a little exhausting.

There is no stronger message, then dirt in your face.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I intentionally held on to my anger during in-house S just to make sure I didn't falter during the 180. I actually DO want to be able to be cordial at some point in the future since we have kids but it pissed me off to have her walkign around the house like things were okay. So I chose to intentionally make things uncomfortable and awkward to keep me on track. I can finally relax in 3 more days.

Yes it is exhausting but when you let your guard down it's like they can smell the lack of piss and vinegar in the air and think everything is fine.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1914 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

It IS exhausting... and the intensity of these emotions will subside in time.


Just focus on DD and breathing today.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17914 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

Try going to the gym, a kickboxing class, or do it fight club style. lol. I'm totally kidding. You have built up physical anger. I posted something like this a while back and someone told me to go to the gym. I DID! I go all the time now. It feels so good afterwards.

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
New Member
Member # 39586
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I run, but the weather is epically bad today, so I've stayed indoors. And still having the finger healing means i gotta take it easier with the push ups and stuff. I was at 150 squats a day, and 50 push ups before I broke my knuckle. I''m slowly crawling back now that the cast is off.

We don't live together. But having kids together means we have to communicate. Which is kinda funny,since he filed court papers wanting 50/50 custody (which im not going to give) and never said a word to me, but he freaked on me yesterday for not telling him about DD minor dental appointment.

I'd kinda like to get one of those bullhorn type thingies, and just stand in front of his place yelling "fuck you!" until I lose my voice.

I honestly, have not done a single constructive thing today. I haven't even gotten out of my jammies.
My kiddies will be home from school, soon though, so I figure I better shower and at least give the appearance I have my shit together.

There is no stronger message, then dirt in your face.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
New Member
Member # 39586
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

I forgot to mention I'm a derby girl, but the Dr won't clear me to go back until August, so hat I don't fall and break my finger again

There is no stronger message, then dirt in your face.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 6