In a lot of ways this was my 2nd Dday 5 weeks ago. In July 2008 (i had just given birth to baby #6) I found out my H of then 11 years was having an EA with a coworker. We never really dealt with it - he never apologized, didn't want to end it and finally we moved hours away and changed phone numbers.
Then last month he went on an overnight visit to see family hours away and came home the next day and confessed to flirting with an old friend on Facebook then having a one night stand the previous night(there is so much story but I'm on my iPhone). He was so broken and guilt ridden he held nothing back. He said he didn't care what he had to do to make things right. I handed him the phone and said if he was serious he would call a counselor. Oh and I also found out the EA wasn't all just that and he had kissed her. Grrrrr....
We have gone to the counselor 3 times and spend hours talking every night. He basically apologized for 17 years of treating me poorly and not trusting me and keeping me at arms length. He has never been defensive or anything and keeps apologizing and letting me cry. This is not the man I knew for 17 years, he said he hit rock bottom that night and his eyes were opened to his selfish ways.
Things are looking up but of course I am still angry and at times feel so broken and wonder if I will ever be fully fixed. I do have more self confidence then ever before and that feels good.
I have never had to ask my H for anything - he did NC, deleted all email accounts, offers to leave his phone with me and lets me have access to anything. Of course the OW hasn't taken it well and finds new ways to inflict her evil - including threatening to use our own kids! I hate her so much but have never said a word or typed a single letter to her. But just when we think she's moved on she pops up. :(
I haven't found people IRL to relate to which is why I came here. Thanks for listening. Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".