I don't know if I can ever forgive the mind games.
I believe mine has even gone so far as to call places I work and tell them lies about me.
I made the mistake of confiding in my employer years ago, because I had kind of a breakdown on the job due to his bullshit.
About six months after that, I was told that "Everything you said was a lie. I can't believe we did all that stuff for you."
I left right then and there and aside from my mom and you guys, I haven't told anybody.
That's not even the worst of it.
The mind games I've had to endure are beyond belief and some were so bad, I can't even list them here.
Almost 16 years of pure fucking hell.
Every time he tells me "I love you" I want to jump up and down and scream "Bullshit!"
This is abusive crazymaking behaviour for sure.
I should have left years ago, but I have a little one and I don't want to take the chance of her being stuck with him. If I leave, XW will be in the picture more and more.
She was a crappy mother who let SD get a tongue piercing when she was 15 years old. She is a nasty, vindictive game player in her own right, so I don't want my little girl to have any contact with her.
Also, husband kind of made SD into a surrogate spouse. There was nothing of a sexual nature, but their emotional closeness was creepy enough. I was this close to calling CPS over it because it was sickening.
I don't want him to do that to my daughter.
So, I have to be here.
I can't take the chance of my daughter thinking all this crap is okay.
To me, it's better to be here, where I can keep such damage from happening.
If I leave, he is sure to tell all kinds of lies, get SD & XW and whoever else he can on his side and fight for custody of our little one.
I am terrified of this. People tell me the judge will be on my side, who's really going to believe him?
But people do believe him. It has been proven in the past.
I don't know exactly what he told people at my jobs. Nobody was ever kind enough to let me know. And they were stupid enough to believe it.
When I look back on all these games, I hate him more and more each day.
One time, I told him I could never treat him like that. Use or manipulate him.
I believe he thinks it's out of fear or respect.
He said me and my shit would be out of here so fast if I did him like that.
I told him "It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I'm just not made that way. It's not in my nature."
He didn't seem too happy about that. About it being my nature and having nothing at all to do with him. He probably thinks the only reason I've been on the straight and narrow all these years is because of his controlling me and mind games.
He is so sick.Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.
I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.