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User Topic: The one thing that haunts me
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

How can a man "run into" (she knew exactly where to find him) a woman who sent him naked photos of her nastiness and think its ok when she invites him to her home just to "talk"!?!?!? I struggle with the fact that clearly me nor the kids were in his mind when he accepted that invitation and it stings so badly. He says his downfall was thinking he was stronger than that temptation but I am so angry over this more than even the act itself.

Will this bother me forever!?!? He has been so patient and letting me vent but I keep bringing up this one thing when I can't get any new answers.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

I wonder if it's that "WHY???" question? I don't know that I will ever accept a couple of the answers my wh has given me on some points. The WHY can darn near drive me batty.

It's hard - I'm sorry.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 430 | Registered: Jan 2013
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

Why?

Because the process of self-delusion occurs. He must delude himself into believing the behavior either isnít wrong or is a much less serious than it actually is.

Intervention is making the person face the truth about his or her behavior.

At the very moment a person accepts that truth about himself, he usually accepts the path of healing offered by those who brought about the realization.

Break through the self-delusions and you have the opportunity to put the person on the path to recovery.

I thought the same thing over and over. What did you think about me and the kids while you were with her?

My husband's answer is I didn't. They compartmentalize so they can keep their worlds separate and it fits their "needs"

It will bother you for a long time because women and men's thought process is different. You are wanting logical understanding to an illogical situation.

I got the "I don't know answers" as well and told him that is not an answer, that is a child's response but even in his IC and our MC, he could never convey the WHY.

The MC finally said, he probably doesn't really know why.

Very frustrating I know.

Keep probing but know you will most likely never understand the WHY to satisfy you head or your heart.

Good luck.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

Im sorry,but I don't believe him. he knew she wasn't inviting him to talk..she had sent naked pics to him..he knew exactly what she wanted..and he went willingly. The "fight the temptation" is bullshit.

His downfall was flirting with this OW enough that she felt comfortable sending him nude pics.

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:16 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7123 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

Thank you all. I know it is the why but also the part of me that deep down knows the moment he agreed to go to her house was the moment he gave in and it wasn't just the heat of the moment.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5