Just Found Out
User Topic: broken heart
Member # 39616
Concerned  Posted: 8:33 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

Long story, I am sorry. Just found out a week ago that my husband cheated on me 2 weeks ago with an ex gf. I knew something was up, had that gut feeling, and gave him chances to tell me. He lied and denied. The "ow" husband busted them, and thats who clued me in. Not my hubbys first time cheating either. More like the 4th, all diff women. I know i am stupid for staying. I have super low self esteem i know. But he always makes promises and things are ok for awhile. This time its worse though. Our daughter is special needs, and has been in and out of hospitals for suicide attempts, and he chose now to rip my heart out when i am alreqdy fragile. Then today i get a text from another woman he was sending nude pics of himself to. And saying he loved her. And another one he was texting saying the same things. I started crying, and didnt think i was going to stop. Im tore apart.

~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 20th (Thursday)


You do not deserve to be treated this way by your husband.

I know you are in a lot of pain worrying about your daughter.

So you know what you need to do? Forget about your husband. Get rid of him. He is simply sapping all the energy and happiness right out of you like a giant black hole.

You need to have all your strength and happiness to deal with your daughter, How dare he take that from her?!?!?

Get mad. Get really mad. Get rid of him.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 847 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, June 20th (Thursday)


So sorry you are here. This is the best place I have found in the web. Start reading the links in the healing library. Be strong! we are all here for a reason. My wife did the same to me. ripped my heart apart. It has been first since 06 so here I am and I am ok I am going to move on and so are you broken heart you will heal where as your husband will 4ever be broken. Yes its time to get mad and 180. 180for YOU! and YOUR DAUGHTER!!

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
New Member
Member # 39506
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry for your pain. It is earth shattering when we see the person we loves true colors. He is showing you who he is sweetie and its not going to change. You need to take care of you and your precious daughter. I work in special needs..I know the care you must provide and I admire you. Take care of you. You deserve better!!! ((((Hugs))))

Me: BSO 37yrs old
Him: Old enough to know better.
3 years -raising my 2 daughters and his son
Dday#1 6/7/13 Dday#2 6/9/13
R: not a chance
The further she walked, the stronger her stride became and the louder her broken heart sang. -anonymous.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 21st (Friday)

sorry your here, sucks that he is repeating this behavior im mad for you .
that said im guessing all promises and no action? i think it would be time to pack up and 180 him . once is more than enough in fact it should never happen but more than once its just who they are . do you want that for yourself



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 31582
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, June 21st (Friday)

So sorry for you Broken, but I think you know what you need to do, put yourself first, maybe for the first time in your life.

You dont' deserve this, you did nothing to make him this way. He is what he is and no amount of love will change that.

Time to start planning your new life. It will be better than living this one, I am sure.

Picture you new life, it will be better for your daughter also.

Don't wait for him to become the man you deserve.

BS (me)59 FWH 71
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

Posts: 560 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: New Jersey
New Member
Member # 39602
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, June 21st (Friday)

I'm so sorry. *hugs * I feel the same way right now, and def can relate. Please put your own needs first and consider what it means to still be taking an emotional beating from this guy. Once is a mistake, four times shows an utter lack of regard.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, June 21st (Friday)

What he is doing is abusive.


Please read up on the 180. You don't deserve this.

FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7381 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 39616
Sad  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Thank you all for the support. My head is still reeling, and its still hard to breathe. I am trying to make decisions, and its nnot as easy as i thought it would be. I have 2 kids to think about, my daughter being special needs(mentally). One minute i want to just take my kids and run. The next i know it isnt fair to rip them from their home and surroundings. The hubby has been extra attentive since all has came out. I know it is partly guilt, and partly fear. I have told him i am done, he is begging, making empty promises, even saying he will go to counseling. His family surprisingly, is behind me. They are all telling him he needs help, annd if i leave he deserves it. I know i should leave. But im taking time so i dont make rash decisions based purely on emotions. But it still hurts! 3 weeks past dday and i still feel as raw as day one.-

~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
New Member
Member # 39177
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

So sorry Brokenhearted. I do know how you feel the hurt and the anger and the scare and the lost self. I am 8 weeks out from Dday, and this is the first time I have had the energy or mental space to write here.

I admire your strength to be able to reach out here at just 3 weeks out!! At 3 weeks out I was still in shock and unable to even eat or sleep, let alone put words together, so I think you are a VERY strong person, and you WILL get through this.

I think you should kick him out why would you leave? He is the cheater! You have to take care of the kids tell the bastard to get out. You can let him back in later, if you really want. Right now, you need space.

M 15 yrs
2 girls, 10 & 12
Dday April 28, 2013
July 2012 to April 28, 2013: 1 Major EA/PA,1 minor PA/EA, 2 ONSs, 1 on-going sexting w/ ex boyfriend

Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 24445
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

So sorry you are going through this. Be strong. Take care of yourself and your children. And always remember, YOU deserve better.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 11