User Topic: bad day. :(
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

Today is my birthday. I had a horrible day at work. And may not be able to work from home anymore when need be which will put me in a bad spot as far as child care. (sometimes I am required to work late at night) My ex is dammed if he does and dammed if he doesn't. In the three years we've been apart he's wished me a happy birthday which pissed me off. This year he didn't which also pissed me off and hurt a little if I'm going to be totally honest. I'm all over the place today. I just wanted to come home to someone today and have them put their arms around me and tell me it's going to be ok. And I don't have that anymore and it sucks. It just fucking sucks.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, r&b!!!

Second, a big hug: (((((((r&b))))))))

Third, I am so sorry for your bad day. Did you have someone to put their arms around you and tell you it's going to be ok when you were M? Because I am still M now and I sure don't.

Just wanted to let you know that you are heard and I am so sorry.

ETA: And tomorrow will be a better day!!!

[This message edited by numbandnauseous at 11:25 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]

BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, June 20th (Thursday)

Happy Birthday friend.

Ride through the dips - lean into the pain when it gets bad. Keep working on detaching.

I've never felt as lonely as I was even with that man's arms around me. His arms were there but his heart and soul were black. Instead of soothing me they sucked me of my pride, self-respect, self-love and self-care.

Wrap your arms around yourself today. I use the imagery of the child inside me on those days. I hold her and tell her its all going to be OK.

The development of healthy self-soothing tools has been one of the surprise gifts out of all of this. I'm still learning but getting better at it as each day passes.

Breathe through it. The dips will get further and further apart and the recovery time will get faster and faster.

Keep working on detaching. Keep working on taking care of yourself.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, June 20th (Thursday)


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, June 21st (Friday)


It will get better. It will.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9820 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, June 21st (Friday)


It will be okay.

Happy birthday! It will be ok.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy Birthday!

Hang in there! It will get better!


"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy belated birthday.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy Birthday!

S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 512 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I hope it will get better soon.

STBX wishes me happy times on those days and it makes me very angry. When father's day came, I had a terrible time because he greatly angered me and so I did not wish him happiness on that day.

He also has the nerve to continuously say "enjoy" whatever is going to happen he may know of. I have little to no joy whatsoever in life-am searching for it-and have asked him not to say that, but he insists.

Last year was my first round of first occasions without him and it was truly horrible. But this year I've already started telling myself that I'm going to work really hard not to let those feelings in, because it's too much about him and not about myself or children...I hope Ruined can get there at some point.

Hearing "happy" anything while he snuck off from OW to write to me messed with my head. Now I have some guilt that I didn't say anything on Father's day, but he had more lack of respect for us that day so only a little.

Mother's day was more of an inner battle, knowing who was going to get a present when I wasn't, but DD remembered me so in my mind I made it about her and me. (I got nothing from my own mother).

I'm sorry for your pain, I have felt it too. I don't know if any of that helps, but I'm in the same place and suspect others on SI are, too.

There are a few people we know of who's jobs are being lost or changed and it's very sad.

Perv has been unemployed for over a year now.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 21st (Friday)

And P.S. yes, very Happy Birthday to you! I hope you'll get some time to indulge in something you really used to like that's just for you, even if it's not spending money.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, June 21st (Friday)


I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope you were able to enjoy part of your bday. Sending you hope for better days.

Posts: 35837 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy birthday. Do something nice for yourself-- an awesome birthday cupcake to indulge in comes to mind.

It does suck, but you'll get through it, and there will be future birthdays that are awesome.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy birthday and hugs!

Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, June 21st (Friday)

It's going to be okay, r& really is.

Here's to a better upcoming year!


"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."


Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2012
New Member
Member # 39123
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)

Happy Birthday to such a good person! I had my 35th this weekend and it was really tough too, so I totally get it. All I wanted was my husband to be there and hug me and wish me happy birthday and care. Obviously that didn't happen and just feels so crazy. I had some terrible moments this weekend, but some good ones too.

I just know that the next one will be better and so will yours. No matter how sad I am or how much I miss him or number of times I cry, I know in my heart that he was never really there like I deserved or needed anyhow. I'm sure that is true for you too.

Big HUGS!!

Together 11 yrs, married 5, no kids
BS: 35 yrs old
WS: 35 yrs old
OW: 30 yrs old (same name, background, and looks like me)
D-Day: 4/23/13
Status: In the thick of it, he left and trying to grieve the dream and deal with his selfishness and callo

Posts: 8 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: DC
Topic Posts: 16