I am burned out. I was going to post a vent b/c I am out of sorts. Instead, I'm going to shift and post good. I've just read and heard too much negative relationship stuff this week.
I'm at my wits end with some things in my life right now. My relationship with my father has fallen off, my little sister is busy creating epic family drama, mom is having the first health issues that remind me she is 71 not 41. TGs kids are going to drive me to madness.
I have been working at a frantic pace for a few months. It is good but I am tired. Deep, unyielding tired, every day.
I am grateful that tomorrow night I will be home on one of the longest nights of the year. I will sit on my deck with TG as the sun sets with someone very special.
TG says to me the other night "I am worried about you. You seem like you're in over your head". I told him I was. I promised him I would be OK and I will.
We talked a little more. I hung up and cried like a baby for a few minutes. He noticed. He said something. He was supportive. I needed that more than I knew.
The other night due to some weather delays we were in the same airport at the same time for 30 minutes. We found a quiet spot to talk and be in the same space. It was wonderful. Just the simple hug where we just fit together. The whole world around us melted away. I so needed that.
TG goes does little things that make all of this time on the road tolerable. I am very very lucky.
Earlier tonight I was feeling like I was dissatisfied with some things about my life with TG. I feel somewhat constrained by parts of my relationship. After getting off the phone with him, I realized that regardless of some changes I need to make, just hearing his voice makes me smile and its worth the effort to work on the balance in my individual and relationship self.
I am grateful that I survived it all so that this is current set of challenges and blessings.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler