User Topic: I need to have a pity party for a minute
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:12 AM, June 21st (Friday)

I am sick. I am SO DAMN SICK. There is no one to help out with the kids, my whole, stupid body feels like I've been kicked, and my head is throbbing. I took ibuprofen and it made no difference. My 9yo was in front of a screen most of the day, because I was struggling to even make sure everyone got fed, and I wouldn't let her invite anyone over because I don't want anyone else to catch it. I did take the kids outside for a bit, but all I could do was sit there. I feel so bad I know I'm not going to be well tomorrow, and I'm just miserable and sad that my kids only have one parent at a time now. There should be someone else here to make sure they don't feel ignored when I'm this sick, but there isn't. I feel guilty that we had an outing planned with D9's friend and instead she stared at a screen all day, with no one to engage her in anything else (she's my Aspie and would watch tv and play video games dawn to dusk, every day, if no one stopped her). I'm just miserably sick and unhappy that I'm getting divorced. I mean, the D is necessary and would happen no matter what I thought anyway, but it sucks.

Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, June 21st (Friday)

I hear you. I understand. I've been sick for over a month. I hate that for a couple weeks we just ate shitty snacks, fast food (because I was too sick to cook), and the occasional decent meal when I could drag my sorry ass to the store & push the cart around long enough to buy ingredients. It IS hard to be a single parent! It's really hard when we have a set of parenting standards we've always lived by and now have to adjust them down to drastic levels which never would have been acceptable before.

I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you feel better soon.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, June 21st (Friday)

Ugh ... I am so sorry you are sick!! Please don't be so hard on yourself. If your kid is in front of a screen most of the day, it's ok. We've all done that. It's ok if they eat cereal and fast food and granola bars. They are going to be fine. They need their mommy to get better.

When I got sick and there wasn't anyone to at least pick up fast food for the kids ~ that was the first negative experience I had being a single mom. I found that weird and kind of sad.

I really like what NG said: It IS hard to be a single parent! It's really hard when we have a set of parenting standards we've always lived by and now have to adjust them down to drastic levels which never would have been acceptable before.

I hope you get well soon!! Take care! I'm sending you a pm.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, June 21st (Friday)

I am sorry you are sick. It really sucks and it is so hard when you have toddlers and babies since there is no way to let them just chill in front of a movie or whatever.

I know you feel bad, but the kids will be fine and they will never remember this one day. It won't even be a blip on their radar. Take care of you and if there is someone you can call, do so. I wish I'd been more willing to ask for and accept help when I was going through the divorce and my kids were 6,8, and 10.

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
million pieces
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, June 21st (Friday)

It IS hard to be a single parent! It's really hard when we have a set of parenting standards we've always lived by and now have to adjust them down to drastic levels which never would have been acceptable before.

This has been the single hardest part about being divorced. I've been sep/div for almost 3.5 years now and am finally coming to terms with my guilty of not meeting my own standards.

Hugs! It will get better, I promise!

Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, June 21st (Friday)

Feel better, Coraline :(

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, June 21st (Friday)

Being sick sucks. Being sick with kids that aren't sick really sucks.

But fuck it, if the kiddo has to sit in front of the tv for one day while you are getting better...then that's ok. If they have to snack and eat microwaveable mac'n'cheese or cereal for one day...then that's ok.

Don't be hard on yourself. Single parenting is hard shit...get yourself camped out in front of the TV, wrap yourself up in a blankie, and get better.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, June 21st (Friday)

I'm so sorry. It is so hard to be sick and be alone with kids. Don't feel bad about your dd watching TV all day, you do what you have to do. She'll survive. I've had to do this countless times with my dd. Even when STBX and I were together, he was rarely home. He's always traveled extensively for work. I can't tell you how many illnesses I've gone through with no help. That's the only thing that has made my divorce a bit easier to deal with...that I've been doing the single parent thing through most of the marriage anyway.

I hope you feel better soon.

BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 924 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, June 21st (Friday)

I don't think it's a bad thing for your kids to realize you are human. It will help them learn empathy.

It could just as easily be that they got sick and had to cancel plans.

Don't try to be superwoman. No one is blaming you for being sick, so stop putting yourself through a guilt trip.

Trust me I have raised two very fine young men. I occasionally took care of myself and let them take care of themselves. They survived and thrived - so will yours.

Sending strength and peace.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Ugh. I hate being sick! So sorry Coraline!

One thing I try to remember being alone and feeling overwhelmed is to ask myself - what would really be all that different if WS (not some awesome H - but the H I had) was still there....? Sadly for me the answer was - not much. Even if I was sick, I was taking care of the kids. If they were sick - it was me. Not that comforting at the moment with pounding headache, but it helped later to adjust to the new normal.

Possible tip for a headache: when Ibprofen doesn't touch it - often an allergy pill will. (Mine are often sinus and weather change related.)

(((Coraline))) Feel better soon!

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4135 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 10