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Reconciliation
User Topic: 5th Wedding Anniversary Today
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Red roses on the table when I woke up. Heartfelt card with notes after every sentence, and a ceramic strawberry dish because he knows I love to collect them. Plans to go see a movie in an hour.

It's hard. Not terrible, just heavy. There's some shell around my heart and it's just so hard to break through to it sometimes.

My brain is screaming at me that these gestures are meaningful and I need to hang in there. For DD. For me.

I am a firm believer in R and have seen so many relationships become stronger and better as a result.

I think I just need some encouragement today. I feel more like crying than celebrating, and I know in my heart that Crazz is trying to do as much as he can to show me that he loves me.

It's not easy to stay... but it can be worth it. Just gotta keep trying.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17755 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, June 21st (Friday)

(((Jrazz)))

I hope you find your happy today.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2774 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Thanks HF.


We're had a lot of life stress over the last 6 months, so I'm really going to try and just breathe and enjoy today and take things as they come.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17755 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
hopelessromantic
Member
Member # 25415
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, June 21st (Friday)

((Jrazz))

It's not easy to stay... but it can be worth it. Just gotta keep trying.


^^this^^ marriage after affairs is hard work! For *me* as long as my FWS is making the efforts to keep moving us forward and making loving and caring gestures, then it's worth the work and as you say - to keep trying.

Hoping you find the inner peace you need today, and enjoy the movie - together.

PS - it's ok to have that shell around your heart for a while....just not as a permanent fixture.


BS-Me FWS-him (bigdog)
D-Day 5/3/09 TT til 6/22/09
Behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way.

Posts: 2836 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Midwest
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, June 21st (Friday)

((Jrazz))


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5230 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Rocketqueen
New Member
Member # 38119
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Jrazz, my WH and I recently had our 12th wedding anniversary. I did not want to celebrate it or acknowledge it any way and you know what? I regret that.

Wanna know why? I felt that the fact that we are still together and trying should be celebrated and I wish we had.

So be glad that he is trying to make you happy and celebrate that your marriage has survived this long!


Married 6/16/01
10/25/11- trouble in the air
DDay 11/15/11 -she's "just a friend" co-worker
1/18/12 - continued contact - kicked WH out of house
1/29/12 WH admitted to PA
3/7/12 NC letter sent
Working on recovery

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jan 2013
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Jrazz,

You have contributed so much to all of us here on SI. It makes me sad that you are struggling on a day that should have been filled with happiness. I wish that you can find joy and hope today.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, June 21st (Friday)

(((Jrazz)))

Happy Anniversary! They can be bittersweet sometimes, but the fact that you and Crazz are present and trying speaks volumes.

Take the day and know you deserve the love, gifts and true effort he is giving to you.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
wert
Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 21st (Friday)

There's some shell around my heart and it's just so hard to break through to it sometimes.

Christ women...that just about broke my heart...mainly because its how I feel every time my W tries to get close.

Let him in...Let it in....I have realized that a life without that love is no life at all. Whole hearted when you believe in it..even if you get burned.

take care...



Posts: 1428 | Registered: Jan 2012
Nailinmyforehead
Member
Member # 38427
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy Anniversary, and I sincerely mean that. FWW and I just celebrated 17 years and I felt the same way. I realized that no matter what- we made it. Same for you and your spouse. It is a milestone and you are doing the hard thing- reconciling. My hat is off to both of you.


"Son, you've got the future- shining like a piece of gold, but I swear as we get closer- it looks more like a lump of coal"

Posts: 135 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ohio
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Maybe it's just a hard candy shell? Try licking it and see what happens.

See if you can pull the shell off for awhile. You can always put it back up. But it would probably feel really good to take it down for a bit. Like how it feels when they use the cheese grater on your feet during a pedicure.

Happy Anniversary.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6542 | Registered: Jan 2011
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Focus on how hard he is trying--that says a lot.

I hope you have a nice day.

Are you going to see World War Z? That should keep your mind busy!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful (and hilarious) notes.

We had a very nice time at the movie (Star Trek - FINALLY!!!)

I dropped him back off at work and felt a bit lighter.

Same days I blame his "slip ups" as reasons I can't move forward, but on days like today it's clear to me that I can be so deep in self-protect mode that I'm scared to actually enjoy myself with him.

Still trying to find the balance between what I need to overlook as growing pains and what I need Crazz to bring to the table to make me feel safe. It's a lot of work, and I try to take it one day at a time.

Thanks again for listening.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17755 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Happy anniversary!

I tend to think that the self-protectiveness is wise, and that time, along with lots of trust-building by Crazz (and Mrs. s, in my case), will take care of it.

So enjoy what you can, and looking forward to upping your enjoyment quotient as you go along.

(((Jrazz)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10332 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)

We had a very nice time at the movie (Star Trek - FINALLY!!!)

KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHNNNN!!!!

We finally saw it last week, too!

I'm glad you were able to stay in the moment and enjoy the movie with Crazz. I know how these moments can be bittersweet, and at times heavy as lead.

Hang in there, and Happy Anniversary!

(((Razz's)))


Posts: 7463 | Registered: Dec 2010
looking forward
Member
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, June 21st (Friday)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

>>THIS<<

Just gotta keep trying.


Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2849 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, June 21st (Friday)

(((Jrazz)))

I hope you have a wonderful day.


Posts: 35758 | Registered: Mar 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, June 21st (Friday)

KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHNNNN!!!!


I'm currently drafting a manifesto about how pissed I am about the ending. I'll have to find a way to give it really good spoiler alerts and then let the people here have a go at it.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17755 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, June 21st (Friday)

(((jrazz))
Happy anniversary year !!!!
Our 30th anniversary was Tuesday & was wonderful. This weekend was to celebrate us, no kids... He's sleeping, I'm watching the sunset, having a glass o wine by myself.
Let's just celebrate the whole year, not just one day or moment.
(((Hugs)))


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 615 | Registered: Oct 2011
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Glad that you enjoyed the movie, sorta? That KAAAAAHHHHN remark makes me put the sorta in there! (((hugs))) Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. So feel what you need to feel and appreciate the loving effort that was expended.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 21st (Friday)

It took 7 years for that shell around my heart to crack open enough to actually celebrate and enjoy a wedding anniversary after Day.

It can happen... To quote a wise woman: "Just keep trying"


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6542 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, June 21st (Friday)

There's some shell around my heart and it's just so hard to break through to it sometimes.

Wow, that sounds like my ol' pal "PAIN". It's my buddy that I wear as a shild...I feel the need to keep it around...just in case, ya know?

I'm so glad you had a lovely day with Crazz. Waking to roses on the bed-stand is the BESTEST!!

Your words are so wise I thought that you had been here longer but we have been here about the same time.

I get not letting your guard down.

But is nice to truly feel the love from your husband like the A never happened. It's kinda of a rush to truly be two becoming one.

Let it be just you two today.

(((((Congrats Jrazz and Crazz)))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Ladyogilvy
Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

(((Jrazz)))

"I blame his "slip ups" as reasons I can't move forward, but on days like today it's clear to me that I can be so deep in self-protect mode that I'm scared to actually enjoy myself with him."

I can relate, and, it seems like a pretty reasonable response to betrayal.

[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 1:28 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Lowlow
Member
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

My brain is screaming at me that these gestures are meaningful and I need to hang in there.

^^^^^^^ this

We "celebrated " our 10th anniversary last week. He put out all the stops... Champagne at 5 am, our fist dance song, a limo to airport, trip to NYC and new diamonds for our wedding bands

But all I can think is that I was not good enough for the better part of 18 months. He cheated on me. Planned to leave me. And now I'm supposed to believe it was a mistake?

I feel like such a jerk posting here, he is trying, trying trying, I have read stories of heartbreak and sorrow especially about non remorseful spouses.... But for me, I'm beginning to wonder if this whole thing isn't a deal breaker


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I think that one of the tricks to this whole thing, Lowlow, is that we have to incorporate the fact that there are going to be down days, and big doubts.

Crazz has done a few categorically dumb things over the last few months, and it puts my doubts to the front and makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing here. It somehow temporarily washes away all the work he's done in my head and I want to run screaming for the door.

The thing is, I KNOW that it's an uphill battle for him to shed a lot of his selfish behaviors, and he IS trying. If I can calm down and look at the big picture, there are a lot of days that I'm ready to lose it if he's not being perfect, and that's on me.

People would give their right eye for a FWS that works as hard as mine does, and I have some hangups I need to let go of. I still get to be confused and frustrated as he figures out how to be a good partner, but yesterday really helped me take a look in the mirror.

He wanted to do whatever I did, whenever I did. His gifts were thoughtful - not out of apology like gifts used to arrive, but preemptively even though I've been doubting everything about us out loud for the last few months.

I don't HAVE to stay. This doesn't HAVE to work, but when I see clear signs that me not letting go is a hinderance, I try to take a deep breath and allow myself to feel vulnerable to the possibility that we could work. It feels ok today.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:37 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17755 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Hey, happy anniversary!!!

The mixed feelings are understandable. Keep at it, sweetie. It gets easier .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37970 | Registered: Sep 2007
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Happy anniversary Jrazz and Crazz, and all the other SIers with annivs this weekend, including me and fwh.

Here is a song I love, that I couldn't listen to thru a lot of our journey to R. Today it makes me feel happy.

Kat Edmonson, Lucky.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=68xjjR5ztoQ&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D68xjjR5ztoQ


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 27