New Beginnings
User Topic: Geez was I drunk our whole relationship or something?
Member # 27842
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Been really busy with work and life recently. Just wanted to put some thoughts down.

Moving in with SO in a month, and by then we'll have been together for a year and a half. So things are pretty great on that front :)

Just thinking, sometimes I feel like I seriously must've been drunk or drugged my entire relationship with WXH. I feel bad even saying anything along the lines of "I can't believe I stayed in that horrible relationship" because I know people here have comparatively had much worse, and really my WXH was just a selfish asshole. But I am continually, even after almost a year and a half of dating, at least once a week straight up *amazed* at how nice SO is to me. He is so kind and loving, and considerate and supportive, and an actual partner. And it's not an all hearts and butterflies relationship, we deal with normal relationship stuff. It just amazes me that this exists and I can not fathom how I got sucked in so deep with that idiot I married. You know you were in a dysfunctional relationship when your boyfriend being nice to you is a novel idea...

I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemy, but I find myself being less and less bitter about it since it's brought me here.

Sorry if it just seems like I'm bragging. Hopefully someone new to NB will be encouraged that functional relationships do exist. And as always, thank you to NB for helping me get here.

Happy first day of summer!

I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Well, I don't see a relationship in my future - but it still makes me smile to hear that good relationships do exist!! (because like you I look back and think WTF, why did I accept that?)

The post made me smile - Thanks!

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, June 21st (Friday)

So happy for you!

Minus the moving in part, I feel the same way you's crazy easy when you find the right person to share your life with!

Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I feel the same way you do.. I hung in there for 20 years with my XH, 7 of those years were good, the last 13 were really bad..... by 2009 I was very lonely and staying in the marriage for my sons sake... today I have been married for a year and a half to a man who cherishes me and treats me soooooo dam good... I have never been happier...

Yayyy for us

DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 21st (Friday)

When I look back at my relationship with XH it seems so surreal, like you watched it in a movie but it wasn't actually your life.

You know you were in a dysfunctional relationship when your boyfriend being nice to you is a novel idea...

When I first started going to IC, to decide if I should leave XH or not, one of my first homework assignments was to make a "want and needs list" for what I want in a partner. My list had things like "Being treated nicely (ie. like a human)", "not having to walk on eggshells", "being treated with respect", "not being manipulated or controlled". Looking back now I can't believe that I didn't expect/demand these things for myself.

Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, June 21st (Friday)

LOVE these kind of posts! Happy for you that you have found a good man and a good relationship with your SO! Reading this makes me smile big.
I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemy, but I find myself being less and less bitter about it since it's brought me here.
Get this totally. Funny thing is, I said it about my first divorce too...growth through the pain...always...that is the lesson I need to keep remembering!

[This message edited by better4me at 4:42 PM, June 21st (Friday)]

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Awesome post!!

Posts: 35812 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I love posts like this.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I heard a story today about a friend (also a teacher) who came home after his last day of work to find that his significant other had bought him an outdoor chaise lounge and left a bottle of sunscreen on it with a note that said something about how he should relax on the first day of his summer vacation.

I was totally struck by how nice that was and immediately thought, "STBX never did anything like that for me."

Enjoy all things nice with your SO. I'm happy for you.

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I also love post like this, I always feel a kind of maternal happiness for anyone on here who finds joy Thanks for sharing xoxox

Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 471 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 38692
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Thanks for sharing Tennispro.

I lurk solely to hear stories like yours.


When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I love this post too!

I'm so happy that you found what we all thought we had. I hope to one day also find a true partner.

I didn't notice until the world exploded, but after this whole mess happened, i was forced to see and accept that my M was so one sided. He contributed virtually nothing emotionally. Toward the later years, I suppose I was content in the routine, but I also remember feeling empty and alone a lot. I just thought it was normal after many years and little kids at home.

When im ready, I can't wait to find someone who has true concern for how I feel and what makes me tick. I am starting to realize that I matter so much more than exWH believed.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2837 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 12