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User Topic: Frustrated, Pissed, and Feeling Down
changedforlife
Member
Member # 38474
Angry  Posted: 8:16 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Today has been a crappy day.

I have been triggering quite a bit today. The area where my WH's A took place has been in the news a lot today and the A has been on my mind even more than usual.

This evening my WH was reading some news online and started google mapping the area. When I saw that, I immediately triggered and was wondering if he was thinking about OW or the A, too. I didn't say anything right away but he did sense I was off and asked if I was OK.

I debated whether or not to tell him but I am trying to be more open and honest about my feelings instead of keeping everything bottled up. So, I told him that when I see or hear things about that area, it is a trigger for me.

And his response....complete silence. Followed shortly by him getting up and going into the bedroom and closing the door. No goodnight, nothing. I waited to see if he was going to come out and when he didn't, I went in. He tells me that since he is a trigger that he thought he should just make himself scarce. I responded that he wasn't the trigger. Then he said he is cranky and tired and had a bad day(which he did, but that is beside the point.)I said I was trying to be open and honest about my feelings and I would have liked to hear that he was sorry. He said that I know he is sorry because he said it before.

I am so frustrated. And tomorrow I am supposed to be in a 5K race to finish off a Learn to Run program that I have been going to. I had asked if he and my DD would come to see it. Now, I really don't feel like going but my DD has been excited to go and I really don't want to disappoint her. I cannot see myself sleeping well tonight now and I would have to up early to go.

Everything F!@#$%ing sucks!


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 21st (Friday)

That was a crappy response from him. You deserve better. Hugs.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2078 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, June 21st (Friday)

(((changedforlife)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16395 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
TheClimb
Member
Member # 25895
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, June 21st (Friday)

That's exactly why I stopped sharing my triggers. His response was worse than the initial trigger! I can't say if this is the right thing to do in a marriage or not. I vent here about running into her. I get a hell of a lot more compassion and can let it go.

Please complete the race, do it for yourself. You will feel so strong tomorrow when you cross that finish line!


"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 452 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Sometimes I think we need to tell them what we need. I'm sorry bc I know his negative response made everything 10x worse. As if u didn't already feel horrible. Now he won't comfort u. I find that H now will hold me say he's sorry and feel bad for me. He wasn't always like that...I had to guide him by telling him what I needed. That's part of being open. Silence avoidance or defensiveness is unacceptable for me now...good luck sweetie.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 year+ false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 and for good Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
changedforlife
Member
Member # 38474
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Thanks all! I needed somewhere to talk about this that I would feel like I was actually being heard.

He just doesn't seem to get really get it. His feelings always seem to trump mine and I am tired of it.

The Climb - I did complete the race today and I did it under my goal time! If it hadn't been for my DD being so excited about it, I might not have but I am glad I did it. Thanks!


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
TheClimb
Member
Member # 25895
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

Way to go! And under your goal time too. I'm so glad you did this.

An affair really takes a toll on our self esteem. You just took a huge step in building it back up again. You Rock.


"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 452 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland
Topic Posts: 7