User Topic: Men's Resources
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Member # 39583
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, June 24th (Monday)

Is it just me or is their a real lack or resources for betrayed men? Since D day 2 weeks ago I have been looking for books, websites, etc.. that would help me, and it seems most of what I have read is from the BW standpoint. I do believe there are subtle differences between how men and women react to uncovering infidelity. Am I missing something?

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, June 24th (Monday)


I hear you. Have you tried posting in the ICR thread titled "Betrayed Men"?

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:20 PM, June 24th (Monday)]

Posts: 35875 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, June 24th (Monday)

There might be some differences. Like jo pointed out there is a betrayed men thread in the I Can Relate forum that is fairly active. Also post any questions you have on the board. There are plenty of Betrayed Men here.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52606 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, June 24th (Monday)

I do believe there are subtle differences between how men and women react to uncovering infidelity. Am I missing something?

No, you're not missing anything, but it really is subtle enough not to matter all that much. I remember thinking the same thing following D-day, but after reading a number of infidelity books, and years on SI, the betrayed spouses (BS) reactions to an affair tend to be similar between men and women. In other words, it's all over the map. You just can't predict how someone will react to betrayal. One thing for sure, there is almost always a lot of mental pain and suffering, followed by an emotional rollercoaster that can last for months, or longer.

IMO, far and away the best book on the topic of infidelity and betrayal is Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. This book is not gender specific. It will provide you much insight into the psychology of affairs, how they get started and why they happen. This book will also help you understand the emotional suffering you are going through, as well as many other things you will need to understand. I can't recommend this book enough.

If you're looking to improve your relationship, I recommend the book, Secrets of Happily Married Men by Scott Haltzman.

As far as websites, as others have pointed out, there is a "Betrayed Men" sub-forum in the I Can Relate section of SI.

Also, if the suffering becomes overwhelming and you're looking for immediate help or answers, don't overlook the possibility of individual counseling (IC). Following D-day, I found a good counselor that knew how to handle infidelity. I only went a few sessions, but the IC's help was invaluable to me at the time.

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, June 24th (Monday)

Most of the stuff out there is written or operated for profit. They just cater to the paying audience, and there is still some assumption that unless it is about sports or cars or videogames, men will not read.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Topic Posts: 5