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User Topic: I'm so sad
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, June 24th (Monday)

It still makes me so sick and sad with what he did. Will I ever truly get over this?


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 24th (Monday)

You will recover, honey, but "get over?" I'm not sure how to answer that one. ((((forgivingnow))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24461 | Registered: Aug 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 24th (Monday)

(((forgivingnow)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, June 24th (Monday)


..((((((hugs)))))))

..same dilemma

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4105 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 24th (Monday)

I do not believe that we can ever *truly get over it* I say, it is just too huge.

We have been in R for 2.5+ years and life is 100% better today. Why? because my WH works every single day to right his wrong.

Just days after Dday he stated that, if I would give him a 2nd chance he would work every day to try make me happy. I did not care what he said but I did pay close attention to what he did.

There were months, many months, of very dark days when my anger and rage flared daily. My WH never wavered, he never left, he never gave up. All of this (his actions) makes it much easier.

There are moments when I feel sad but these moments no longer cause me to spiral out of control.

Truly over it? No, but I do hope that you are able to look back over the 1+yrs and see a huge improvement.

(forgivingnow)


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2094 | Registered: Nov 2011
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 24th (Monday)

Thank you.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, June 24th (Monday)

His actions are wonderful, true & real but I still have moments of pain, disbelief, anguish & I am so thankful for you that have walked this path just ahead of me & said just keep walking.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 24th (Monday)

His actions are wonderful, true & real but I still have moments of pain, disbelief, anguish & I am so thankful for you that have walked this path just ahead of me & said just keep walking.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, June 24th (Monday)

Sadly, I dont feel like I will ever "get over it" It is and will always be a part of our lives, a part of our history.

But I want to believe that I will learn to live with the pain, learn to deal with it, and find some peace.

Take one day at a time, take care of yourself and focus on your blessings not your burdens. Burdens brought into your life unfortunately by someone else's selfish actions.

But I would never want to trade places with my WH, I can hold my head high and know that I did nothing wrong. Can't say the same for him


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 24th (Monday)

I don't know about getting over anything. We are a collection of our experiences, in a way.

I DO believe that there's potential for us to collect enough happiness and contentment that this doesn't weigh as heavily on us as time passes.

(((forgivingnow)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16467 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Betrayeddaddio
Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I don't think I ever described myself as "sad" pre D-day, bummed, down in the dumps, depressed but never sad.....just recently I realized that I am, and unlike depression there is no pill for sad.....only action will effect sadness.

I'm with the not getting fully over this crowd.


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 702 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Same here. Some days it does just make me so sad. I know that time will get me past it, but I will never really get over it. It is just a point of history now, and there is nothing I can do to change it. I can only live my life as fully as I can and try not to think about it. That gets easier the more time that passes. Truly, I think time (and a loving FWH) is really what heals.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1279 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Get over it? No. Learn from it? Definitely.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1004 | Registered: Mar 2012
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Thank you for the hugs and wonderful words.
SO...I need to realize I will never truly get over this. Accept that.

RidingHealingRd-When I look back, there IS a huge improvement, for both of us. I don't want to go back. I want what we have now. Thank you for your gentle reminder.

Sunshine-"Focus on your blessings not your burdens" Yes, I need to focus on gratitude.

Jrazz-"we are a collection of our experiences"...yes...I wrote about that in the positive reconcilliation stories...I need to read what I have felt in the past when I am sad.

Betrayed-"only action will affect sadness" I need to remind myself I do have some control.

Kansas-I feel exactly what you wrote. It took listeneing to all of you to realize I truly won't ever get over this AND that's ok. It is not my reality now.

LivinginLimbo- I have learned so much about myself, resilance and strength.
Thank you everyone.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I don't think the betrayal and the words that come after are ever gotten over. Can you move past it? Sure. Will it affect you less as time goes on? Yes. Will you wake up one day and say "this happened in my past but look at where I am now"? Yes. Everything you're feeling right now is normal. It gets better, whether it ends in D or R, it does get better. (((hugs)))


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I wish I knew. Life changed forever for both of us on a January day in 2011 when my H of over 30 years went to her bed. My world crumbled at 6:05 am on March 16, 2011, when he admitted screwing a needy, NPD, never married, desparate whore. The saddness in my life comes from dashed dreams of the "relaxed, golden years" that are supposed to be the reward of a life lived with integrity and pride. Now, there is shame, guilt, remorse, anger, and the unrelenting saddness.

My biggest fear that causes me great saddness? At our age I will not live long enough to get any of my comfort and safety back. He is trying to be what I need and want, but some days I feel as if the ship has already sailed and we missed it.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1405 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
looking forward
Member
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I don't know about getting over anything. We are a collection of our experiences, in a way.
I DO believe that there's potential for us to collect enough happiness and contentment that this doesn't weigh as heavily on us as time passes.

I can only hope!


Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2839 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
Topic Posts: 17