Sorry your so angry , I'm right there with you the angry phase that is .
I can't even imagine your pass struggles , I have had them but not like yours . Your very strong !
I believe it though it being worse than all of it . You put all of it out there with your WS giving them the gun and expecting them not to pull the trigger and they do!
I'm angry for you and for me I'm angry for all the BS that have to endure such pain when all they did was love and commit themselves to one person and it wasn't enough.
All I can tell you is what I do and even then it doesn't always work so I end up bashing my WH.
I listen to music from my teen years ones I know every word to and I clean( cleaning makes me direct my focus or not think at all during this )
I took up smoking ( I know bad ) but its makes me light headed and calm .
I am doing workouts not everyday but whenever I'm up and can't sleep .
I write in a journal not about the A but how I feel now days and how I miss day before , or how I think WH has changed .
I haven't gotten to a point where I can wake up happy though every morning is a battle and feel sick to my stomach and can't eat early mornings .
I admitted to my WH that I lost interest in our kids that's a toughy ! It hurts but its true I can't focus on them like I did and they feel it.
Wish I could help I wish somebody could help me , I wish god would get his revenge already