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New Beginnings
User Topic: Did any of you splurge on something for your NB?
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

There's a ring I really want now that I'm no longer wearing my "ambiguity ring" since my D is final.

Did you guys splurge on anything when your D was final? More importantly, how did you do it and not feel terribly guilty? I'm so bad at this. I never want to buy myself anything remotely expensive. I always think, "That could be a car repair bill" or something similar.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I bought a new digital piano. Put it off for a while because they ain't cheap, but I am *so* glad I did it. It's my main therapy.

I've never understood jewelry, because it doesn't actually *do* anything. But I guess that's what makes me a guy


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I purchased a new car and a townhouse about a year after my divorce was final. I didn't feel guilty because I work hard for my money and I wanted a fresh start with my son.

You only live once and since you don't splurge on a regular basis, go get that ring and enjoy it. You deserve happiness.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Well, that's my dilemma. I'm really, really, reeeeeeeeeeally practical about most everything. I love wearing rings, but they're either gifts or cheap ones that I bought at places like craft fairs. I buy things secondhand for the most part.

So, OIAL, you are NOT helping. You were supposed to post that you bought a Harley or a gigantic, flat-screen TV!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Thank you, lieshurt!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I bought a cheap 7" tablet. I plan on buying two more motorcycles (I already have a '65 Honda 150 and my brother has a '62 Honda 305 I'm going to buy off of him. I also want a big touring bike to use when I have time off of work and am thinking about saving for a Yamaha Royal Star Venture). Aside from that, I have my eye on a trailer out in the boonies that one of my Mom's husband's friends rents for $275/month (compared to the $1400 I'm paying until the end of this month on my mortgage, that's a bargain) so I can save up some money and start gambling on the stock market.

Posts: 1581 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

There we go! A motorcycle post! Thanks, h0peless!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I bought a DSLR and zoom lens as my NB present to myself, during the divorce. I've since upgraded the camera body, as a birthday present to myself.

My other big purchase after the divorce was a car. I didn't intend to buy one quite as soon as I did, but my van got totaled in a wreck and I didn't have a choice. But I bought a car I wanted, instead of settling for something older and less expensive.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

OK, let me try again.

I bought a new mattress because the old one smelled like mildew.

Bought desks for my kids to do homework on.

Bought my kids laptops for their studies.

Oh, alright! I took my kids on a Mediterranean cruise last summer. Happy now?


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

OIAL...

I suppose that a new mattress is a splurge if you spent your whole life sleeping on [ETA: that one mildewed mattress]. Perhaps that was your experience, and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

The cruise, however, that would work for my purposes. "Well, OIAL went on a cruise! A ring is no big deal in comparison!" I'll just pretend that you went on one even if that's not true.

inconnu, do you take pictures for work or for fun? I have friends on FB who are professional photographers, and I love looking at their work.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 9:37 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Oh yeah, but not in a good way. One of the ways I self-medicated after D-day was shopping. I'll be paying off those debts for several years yet. I went a little crazy trying to keep the same lifestyle I had with two incomes, on my one, much lesser income. I rationalized it by telling myself I didn't want youngest DD to do without anything just because her father went off to la-la land. I didn't buy anything crazy, but both DD and I have enough clothing and shoes for a family of 10. We went on expensive vacations on her college breaks. I'm still ashamed of it.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4933 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Totally true, went on the cruise. And yup, a ring is a trifle by comparison.

Which reminds me. My intent was to toss the old wedding ring into the Mediterranean Sea, but that seemed far too glorious an end for that monstrosity, so it never made the journey. The blasted hunk of metal is still hanging around in my kitchen cupboard. I'd better get rid of it before Gollum comes looking.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

OIAL, why would my XWH want anything to do with your wedding ring?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

^^^


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I went to Israel with my mom. I don't regret that trip at all.

I also traded in my engagement ring for a killer pair of diamond studs, and bought a new SUV.

Yeah, it was a bit much....but damn, was it fun!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7440 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Hey trying... I got a ring. Does that help?

Honestly, it wasn't horrendously expensive by jewelry standards... it was $88... but it was a lot to me.

In fact, here it is:

I like more non-traditional things. Obviously.

Anyway, I felt bad about spending the money at the time but now I'm really glad I did. So my recommendation is go for it. Life is too short.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15363 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

The cruise, however, that would work for my purposes. "Well, OIAL went on a cruise! A ring is no big deal in comparison!" I'll just pretend that you went on one even if that's not true.
I went on a cruise AND bought a NB ring while we were docked in Curacao. Do I win a prize?


ETA: nanners - LOVE that ring!

[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 10:03 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24461 | Registered: Aug 2011
Whalers11
Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I bought a brand new car for my 30th birthday, which was about 1 year into my NB.

Also have been taking one nice week long vacation every year since 2010, which I never did while with my ex...


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Feb 2010
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Speaking of rings, I was packing stuff up to move this weekend and I found this really cool silver and onyx ring that my best friend gave me about 10 years ago. I polished it up and started wearing it. I figure that if I'm ever stranded somewhere and about to starve, I can sell it and get some food.

Posts: 1581 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Oh hell yes.

Got a beautiful silver and red amber ring and spent the same amount having it resized. I hardly ever wear it. Bad....

Between 2010 (when the House of Pain sold) and 2012 I took about $10K worth of healing vacations to the Oregon Coast, Niagara on the Lake, a couple of shorter staycations and the biggie last year, 3.5 weeks hanging around Portugal, Dublin and London after raiding my ex's frequent flyer account for a business-class trip to Heathrow. (Had that written into the separation agreement: NEWS FLASH: airmiles are a marital asset people!)

Cheaper than therapy I reckon, and I didn't buy the red Miata.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:33 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17176 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Well, I moved to another city, rented a house, went to SI g2gs, had a lot of fun.

When the D was final, I went to Vegas with SI friends and went hiking--doesn't everyone go to Las Vegas to hike??


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19817 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
meaniemouse
Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Two pairs of diamond earrings. One for every day and one for dress-up. I was able to splurge because I traded in all of the jewelry that my ex bought me, including my engagement/wedding ring. One of the best things I ever did--I still smile every time I put them on.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2095 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I got all of the marital assets and a boat load of alimony for a whole lot of years, and I had a new house built and I bought all new furniture and accessories. Seriously, down to sheets and dishes, it's all new.

It was the craziest but the best thing I ever did. And it was the most fun I ever had. The night before I closed on the house, I rented a huge U-Haul and my step-father drove it around town for me as I went shopping, making a circle around the town. I spent $5,000.00 at Walmart, $1,000.00 at Target, and $1,0000.00 at Lowe's. That was just for the miscellaneous last minute stuff. I'd already purchased furniture and appliances and a ton of other stuff for decorating. It was a once in a lifetime shopping experience! I will never forget how crazy it was to have my mother, my step-father, and two Walmart assistant managers with rolling pallets accompanying me through the store while I loaded up on stuff.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Um, yeah.
An iPad.
A tattoo.
Shoes.
Clothes.
Juvederm.
A crap load of make up from Sephora.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2572 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
sadcat
Member
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I commissioned a pendant. It symbolizes my emergence from the muck that was my marriage. I probably couldn't afford it really but I have it and love it still, 7 years out.


I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.


Posts: 13219 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I bought a NB ring, a 90$ moonstone. It's gorgeous, I love it, and it has a permanent place on my right hand.

I sold my pricey engagement ring to pay for school. That was a splurge in that it kept me out of debt.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13572 | Registered: Jul 2011
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I bought a cute little house. 1/4 of the size of anything I lived in while married, and I love it.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4051 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I'm not a shopper or buyer... I'm a traveler...

Right before dday with the knowledge of the A firmly in hand I took off to a beach in florida for a think-a-thon and ended up staying two weeks...

Costa Rica, Key West, Vegas, Too many Islands in the Carribean to name and other excursions...

I still do the same thing to this day...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5957 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
nothing2save
Member
Member # 35483
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Bought a Harley, Softail Deluxe. Always wanted one but kept putting it off. Love the white wall tires.


BS (me) 45
WS (her) 45
Married 17 yrs, Together 24 yrs
2 kids (S 14, D 10)
DDay 1/29/12 (OM #1)
DDay #2 11/19/12 (OM #2)
Divorced 04/14
Two EA/PA confirmed. MANY others suspected. Much like her, the actual total doesn't matter.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: To Be Determined
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I bought a NB necklace a couple months after moving out and filing. I think I only paid like $75 but then again I only got $150 for my engagement ring and wedding band .

But the chain broke a few months ago and I haven't got around to replacing it yet. Maybe it's time for a new NB piece of jewelry.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
TrainerCarrie
Member
Member # 14851
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Yes all new furniture and a new car. I sold my wedding rings and went on a nice vacation,


Sometimes giving up something you want is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Never, ever date your neighbor.


Posts: 2820 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Almost Heaven...West Virginia.
stronggirl72
Member
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I bought a set of pearl earrings when my D became final last week.

I had hinted for 13 years that I wanted a pair, but EXH never cared enough.

I can honestly say that I absolutely love them, and it sounds as thought I am similar to you in that I very rarely put weight on material things.

I say do it, and be sure to post a photo!!


"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."

DIVORCED!!


Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2012
downunder
Member
Member # 16631
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Six years later I'm still spending to make up for twenty years of nothing.
I now have a car, replaced the furniture, clothes, a gym membership, jewellery, perfume and about to go on my third holiday.
I earn way less than XWH. His addictions have pretty much ruined him.




Posts: 609 | Registered: Oct 2007
foxglove
Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I wouldn't say I spent money on any one thing in particular, but I did spend what funds I had on redecorating my house.

My XH got all the furniture, so after I painted the whole house, I bought new living and dining room furniture. I also bought new bedding, paint, curtains and carpeting in my "new" bedroom. Eventually, I bought a new mattress as well.

I also bought new dishes, bath towels, sheets, etc. In essence, anything he had intimate contact with, I replaced.

It was fun.

ETA: also, I bought new nightgowns and all new underwear

[This message edited by foxglove at 4:50 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1451 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I bought a luxury German automobile about a year or so after the D was final.
It was used, but barely broken in - and more importantly, it is MINE!


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

inconnu, do you take pictures for work or for fun?

I just do it for fun. It's something I used to do, back in the film days with an SLR, but gave up because I thought ex was better at it than me. It was one of those "reclaim me" things during the divorce.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I bought an original painting that I really could not afford at the time but that I still love looking at. When I finished paying for my girls university I bought myself a brand new truck. Love, love, love my truck


divorced!

Posts: 2648 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
npain
Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

I bought all new bedding, towels and curtains for the house, redecorated and painted the living room and bought a new couch. The bed is next on the list....I'm determined that everything is going to be only mine within a year. I want nothing ( except my kids) to remind me of the idiot I married.


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

I did a lot of work on the house that is now all mine (including the mortgage). I am haveing 3 windows replaced in July.

I got a lot of stuff for the kids. Took them to Disney
World for 4 days (since ex took MOW and HER SON for 2 weeks to Disney World).

The only thing for me has been a new iPad. I intended to get the iPad2 but there were none in stock so I got the new one with Retinal Display (it was $100.00 more). I did get at $30 gift card as a bonus and bought a birthday gift for one of the kids friends.
The kids have kind of taken it over but it's still mine. It stays in my bedroom.
I have to say I love it and I intend to treat myself every so often from now on.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1321 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

Once I was past xpos's continued law suits (after the D was final!), I began to relax and enjoy myself a little. I love to travel and learn about places, so I've been indulging myself that way. I've been to Vermont, Pennsylvania, the Carolinas, Ireland, Australia, and, of course, Buffalo and Niagara Falls, as well as a few more-local bus trips. And I have tickets for a couple more bus trips and an Alaska cruise-tour in my pocket!

I have yet to sort out the jewelry that will go (been too busy traveling!), but intend to get rid of the stuff xpos got me or most of it. I bought myself a great new piece on one trip. A big splurge for a limited edition, meaningful piece. I'll look for something in Alaska, too.

Bought interest in a second home. Someplace to get away, especially winters.

I bought a new mattress. Let xpos have the old one he asked for because, as my friends said, no woman with an ounce of self-respect would sleep on the mattress he had shared with his wife, but slut loves it. Besides, I believe he had some of his women there on it.

Also ended up with the M home and getting things done there to undo some of the half-@$$ed stuff xpos did to it. Oh, yeah, and I have a new big-screen TV coming in July!

doesn't everyone go to Las Vegas to hike??

Is there another reason to go there?

And, I think we have to give hurtinky first place in this event!

P.s. I was wondering about the ambiguity ring. Glad you got rid of it.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

You know, I'm glad I posted this just because it was fun to see the things that interest all of you. Thanks for the great responses!

thebighurt-- as you know, I live in a VERY small town... just wanted to keep my private life to myself until the D was over. I actually went to a professional development class with a bunch of colleagues today without the ambiguity ring. I feel ready to deal with it if people were to ask what the deal was. I think that what I learned today is how egocentric I am-- if anyone noticed my lack of ring, no one said anything, and no one probably cared!

And I'm going to try to post g2g pics now...oops, it only took me a month!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

And I'm going to try to post g2g pics now...oops, it only took me a month!

^^^^

Maybe you are the only person in town who isn't aware of the talk. Maybe they all already knew. Where I live isn't even a town and a number of my neighbors are xpos' siblings. I bet almost anything I do is checked out and talked about by someone.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 42