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User Topic: 17 year old guy & 34 year old woman?
idiot85
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Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I know a 17 year old guy- he's a boxer. He just started dating this 34 year old girl who the wife knows quite well- she ain't a weirdo.

She was saying no to him for ages- well- last 3/4 months but now- they're together.

I said to him like ain't she a bit old and he was like "so it's OK for a 34 year old man to hit 10 bells out of me but I can't date a 34 year old girl"- in boxing you become senior at 17- I suppose he has a point.

She come to my wife saying she really likes him and asking if she's wrong to.

He's fairly mature and he's a big lad- she only looks young so tbh they don't look weird.

I just wondered some opinions.


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Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
bluelady
Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I vote weird.

I'm 34. I teach in a high school. I see how 17 year olds act every day.

Just...no.

(I'm assuming the laws of consent where you are don't make this illegal).


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Yeah 16 is legal- the woman said to my wife this morning how it's weird that he can't legally buy her a drink.

I think I vote weird too- I'm 28 and 17 seems young- I couldn't date a 17 year old girl.

So it would be like me being with a 44 yr old I suppose- hmmm I don't know- she don't look 34- whatever 34 looks like!! They don't look weird together though- she's quite petite.

I think it's the boxing thing that throws me- he is big and hairy ha and if we can throw him in the ring with a 34 year old man... you get me?


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Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
authenticnow
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Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Oops, wrong thread!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:08 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


Take up your space (and do it well).

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Posts: 37243 | Registered: Sep 2007
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

You're just scaring me for no reason now! Ha

First post in a while and I thought- in trouble again

ha


BH-29 (me)
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Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
authenticnow
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Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Nope, you're good.

Just ignore me .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37243 | Registered: Sep 2007
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I just don't see where it can go, being at such different stages of life. I'm 29, age of consent here is 18, and I can't even imagine dating someone who is that young. Heck, I tried dating guys in their mid twenties and it was too young - not their age, but they consistently just weren't in the same place in life as me.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13684 | Registered: Jul 2011
karmahappens
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Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

The age diference would be different if it was 40/57. I think the age difference at this point is too much.

Just because he likes to get hit in the head doesn't make him adult.

Just icky....IMO


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
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Him: 47
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Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
idiot85
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Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I said that about the life stage too- I myself have different priorities now I'm 28 to when I was 17 and I don't mean just responsibilities I mean a different outlook.

He's easygoing- thinks she's blowing it up and it ain't a big deal- she is worrying what others will think and asked the wife if it makes her weird!


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Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
lost_in_toronto
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Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I agree that seventeen is really young, having had conversations with many seventeen year olds. But maybe he is an exception to that rule?

I do have a relative whose husband is twelve years younger than her. When they met, he was twenty and she was thirty-two. He pursued her for two years before she finally agreed to a first date. They married, he adopted and raised her children as his own. They have been married for more than thirty years now.

So the big age difference can work - but the one you describe seems like a pretty big one to me.

[This message edited by lost_in_toronto at 6:43 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1654 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

So the big age difference can work - but the one you describe seems like a pretty big one to me.

I agree with this and know some people who have good marriages with a big age difference.

However, it is hard for me to relate to because when I was single, I was never interested in someone a lot older or younger. My XH was 7 years older and I decided that was too much, so when I became single in my early 30's I limited myself to no more than 5 years older or younger guys. I just feel it gives the relationship more balance, and a chance to have more in common.

But that aside, whether it is a 34 yr old man or woman dating a 17 yr old (half their age) possibly still in high school, to me it is ridiculous. While not illegal, it is certainly icky and not balanced. That is my view of it.


Posts: 5727 | Registered: Apr 2006
atsenaotie
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Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Add me for weird too. Nobody is saying he can't date a 34 yo woman, just saying it is weird. I suspect they are both projecting things onto the other, and that is what they are finding attractive.

There is a reason 17 year olds cannot buy alcohol or vote.


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Posts: 4113 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Tred
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Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I85,

I use the rule of thumb "1/2 + 7" (keeping in mind all the legal rules). But that's just me...I'd say that it sounds like hormones for both and long term probably won't work.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
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Posts: 3868 | Registered: Dec 2011
idiot85
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Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

But in 6 months he will be able to buy alcohol and vote...

So I now know what's happened- They've been sort of friends for 4 months- she's told him he's too young consistently.

At the weekend she went on a first date with another guy. bumped into 17yr old on way home- he acted a bit 'off'. He didn't respond to a text- she went round his place (he has his own place) and she pretended to not know why he was acting weird- he said something like "ok well if you haven't even considered me that way- why are you here- you may as well leave" - she said "OK so I have considered but I just think you're too young- you can't even buy me a drink" then apparently one thing led to another!

Today she's telling my Mrs that she's thinking about cancelling their date tonight.

We got a right old bit of drama in the office and for once nothing to do with the wife and me! Woohoo!! haha

Yes Tred! The fact they got down to 'it' at the weekend sounds like a bit of lusting to me too- I never knew that until about 30 mins ago!

[This message edited by idiot85 at 7:51 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


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Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
itainteasy
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Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

To me, personally, it's weird.

17 yr olds are children, to me.

I'm 37, a twenty year old is a child to me.

I could never do it.

But, if it's legal, and no one is getting harmed, it's not for me to regulate. (I don't believe in the US it would be legal though..age of consent or not, the boy's parents could pursue statutory rape until he turned 18, I think).

I don't think there's long term potential, though.

But, who knows?


Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
SisterMilkshake
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Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

My DS is 17 y.o. I would be furious if some 34 y.o. woman started dating my child. I would want to do her physical harm, actually. Not proud of that, but that is how I feel I would feel.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Lucky2HaveMe
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Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

If this were a 34yo MAN hitting on a 17yo GIRL society would see it as all kinds of WRONG.

I see it as all kinds of WRONG for a 34yo WOMAN (not girl) hitting on a 17yo BOY.

Good grief she is old enough to be his mama!

So No. Just No.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6243 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
metamorphisis
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Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

17 yr olds are children, to me.

This. I have a 16.5 year old. She's a lovely girl but not even ready for a relationship with someone her own age! Perhaps we're behind the curve but she's just learning to do things like manage her time appropriately and do her laundry and apply for jobs etc.
At school they are teaching them about budgets and bank accounts and their options after high school. She's going to be taking driving lessons and thinking about a career. She's completely overwhelmed as it is and she knows it. To add in all the complications of an adult relationship and what comes with it would be a disaster. Just because someone looks like an adult doesn't mean they are at all and they end up robbed of the energy and emotional focus they need to continue with just simply growing up IMO.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44392 | Registered: Sep 2006
Unagie
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Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

In the US age of consent is between 16-18 depending on what state your in. Statutory rape cannot be charged if the child is at the age of consent unless they are seen as mentally incapable to consent deapiye age. Pretty sure I'm remembering the law right but feel free to set me straight . I do still see them as children though age of consent or not. I know even between the age of 17 and 21 my thinking about life changed and at 28 I would not be willing to date a 21 year old because they are at a different point then me in life. Perhaps not all but the vast majority. So yea I vote weird if nothing else.


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No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

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Posts: 2700 | Registered: Oct 2012
lynnm1947
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Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I should not be one to throw stones at this glass house (my S/O is 11 years younger than me--we met when I was 55) but oh my Lord, at his age, that kind of age difference is a freaking chasm. She's TWICE his age. I think we all know this probably isn't a till-death-do-us-part relationship, though, so hey, if it meets both their needs at THIS moment, I (repressing every urge to shout "NO!!!!")say who am I to complain? A friend's 16-year-old son was seeing a 28-year-old for a while, but he ended it. He found her too immature! (And she was. Is still.)Any chance this is true in this case?

We must also all remember that a century ago, the 34-year-old would have been considered too old to be considered as a mate. Many people were married and raising kids at 17. How many boys of that age died in long ago wars?

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 8:28 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

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Posts: 7180 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

He's a disciplined guy- has his own place (does prizefighting) up at 5am every day to train I'd say he's a mature 17 yr old but like I said- I personally couldn't date a 17 yr old and I'm 28 not 34.

She's... dare I say immature? I mean she's nice not weird but only just moved from home and she is quite little so gets ID'd a lot!

Makes me think like what's his name- Tooms from the X-files!! That's weird... I don't know his name- he's in the green mile too.


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WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
Kajem
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Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

They've been sort of friends for 4 months- she's told him he's too young consistently.

^^^^ This, check me on it, but I think it is called grooming, it is what pedophiles do. Not saying she is a pedophile.. she may just be thinking this.

BUT..

She went on a date, and ended up running into him...(was the date planned to run into him) and he was off. Of course he was off... her words are not matching her actions... she never says she doesn't want to date him, she tells him he is too young.

He didn't respond to a text- she went round his place (he has his own place) and she pretended to not know why he was acting weird- he said something like "ok well if you haven't even considered me that way- why are you here- you may as well leave" - she said "OK so I have considered but I just think you're too young- you can't even buy me a drink" then apparently one thing led to another!

Why do this? If she wasn't interested in sexually (and that may be ALL she was interested in) Then why go to his place. Leave the conversation for another day... after all if he is too young to date, he should be too young for sex.

And yes it is wierd, and this kid needs help when he gets dumped.... because that will be just what she does.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Amazonia
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Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Stage of life is much more than just maturity, idiot85. He is 17. Does he live with his parents? Does he have a job? Is he in school? Does he have plans to go to university?

Surely she, as an adult, has her own place, income stream(s), etc. that would make their relationship extremely unbalanced.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13684 | Registered: Jul 2011
lieshurt
Member
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Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Ummm...no, no...oh hell no. That is just wrong. Add me to the group that would be kicking somebody's ass if a 34 year old woman went after my 17 year old son.

I think it is just gross to be with somebody young enough to be your child...no matter what the age group is. Have you ever noticed how the older person typically says "I don't look my age" ? Yeah, they do. It's like they are trying to regain their youth by being with somebody significantly younger. Well, that isn't going to happen...no matter who they do


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13720 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
idiot85
Member
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Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I'm more like devil's advocate here you know- I'm still thinking it's weird!!

I don't think pedophile though- he is honestly like over 6ft of muscle and beard ha.

He has his own place and drives makes his own money- no uni he's 100% into boxing and makes money from prize fighting as a senior amateur boxer (age 17-34).

He ran into her because he wanted to- nothing to do with her but I suspect he planned it. Why not wait for another day- I guess because she does like him that way.

She doesnt say she looks young- I'm saying that!! She says "omg what have I done" type of thing and his sister who works here is saying if you like him, go out and just see.

He's a bit of ladies man/boy- been with a lot of girls- whereas she was with a guy for a few years then they finished up last year.

He's going to want to talk to me soon to try and get me to tell my wife to persuade her to go meet him tonight!!


BH-29 (me)
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Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
Amazonia
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Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

So is she some sort of conquest for him?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13684 | Registered: Jul 2011
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I'm wondering the same Amazonia- he told me he really likes her and thinks she's funny blah blah blah and she has already been conquered but I wonder if he thinks it will be 'cool'- if you get me


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Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
metamorphisis
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Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

You can bet the farm on that Ama. It occurred to me he's likely quite the player and SHE is the one who will end up hurt here. But honestly good sense should have told her that to begin with IMO.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

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Bobbi_sue
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Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Have you ever noticed how the older person typically says "I don't look my age

Yes, I have noticed this. I have noticed womanizing old men say it too, and they make me ill because I see them all for the age they are.

I do understand that often times a petite 34 year old woman who dresses and acts young will actually "appear" much younger but if you take a closer look, I'll bet you will see her as the fully 34 year old that she is.


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MissesJai
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Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

weird, creepy, just no. My DS is 18. I'm with Sister.


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5843 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

He rang me like "come on mate I really like her and want to see her again- help me out here- age is nothing"

I said "nothing to do with me- I personally think you're a bit young" well that really just offends him tbh!! He got a bit moody then... maybe like a teenager would?! Ha


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Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
JanaGreen
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Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Let's see - I'm 33. My oldest nephew is 19 and my nieces are both 18, so both older than this boxer guy. And they are, for the most part, pretty mature and awesome kids. But they are KIDS and SO young to me. I just thought about their friends/boyfriends, thought of myself dating one of them, and wanted to simultaneously and . They are children.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6663 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

i85, I know the actor you mean.....he married his "child bride" when she was 16. Courtney Stodden.

His name is Doug....something. Can't remember.

THAT is a trainwreck of a relationship.


Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Doug Hutchison. He's 54. Courtney is now 18. She was 16 when they married, he was 52. That whole thing is just...UGH!


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5843 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
JanaGreen
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Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Are they still married??


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6663 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
MissesJai
Member
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Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

You betcha


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5843 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Thank you MissesJai that's the guy- now that is defo wrong wrong WRONG! Properly put me right off him- I always call him tooms.

I'm undecided if this falls in the same category- anyway they've gone out tonight.


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WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
Faithful w/Love
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Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

Why are you so worried about this? It is not your business and I would stay out of it.(not to sound mean)
It just sounds like drama.

He is 17 he is a baby, even if he looks older he is not. Just because he seems mature does not mean he knows how to handle life in a way that someone who has more experince would.

I also think this is a player mode for him... She is the older hot woman that all teenage boys would like to get ahold of and have for awhile. The thing is what is going to happen when he becomes of age and get to go party, have fun, and be the normal kid in his twenties.
It will not last. If he is hitting and quieting it with other girls that is all this will be. And this 34 year old should know better.

Yes, it is strange that a 34 yr old would want to be with a 17 yrs old. And then to have sex with them? That is sorta nasty.

It is all about the attraction of being wanted by a younger man/boy and the attraction of the man/boy with an older woman..

Can you see what he would be saying to all his boys that are his age about it???


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Rebreather
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Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

I have a 17 year old daughter. If a 34 year old man was trying to date her, he'd wake up in a tub of ice missing some vital organs.

When you are older and more mature, you can make these choices. Big age differences when one person is not yet a mature adult just scream "wrong" to me.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
tushnurse
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Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

ick.
just ick.

I'm fairly openminded but 17? What life experience doe he have? How can he have a real perspective on what the world is?

I can see the older person liking the attention and the sex, it says look how young I am. But it screams of mommy issues for the younger person, and major self esteem issues for the older person.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
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Posts: 8194 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

t/j
Are they still married??
Yes, they are Jana. He is now 53 and she is 18. Courtney loves to look slutty. She is an attention whore. They just had twins. Tit and Tay. She went from C's to Double D's. If you want more info on them here is a link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/courtney-stodden/

end t/j

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:09 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

Sister - did you watch them on Couples Therapy? Her mom is just as delusional as Courtney.


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5843 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

I saw that on somewherewith the headline "courtney stodden brings new boobs to church" ha

I think theyre both weirdos to- her too!

If my daughter grew up like that I'd take her back "this is not what I ordered"


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
SisterMilkshake
Member
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Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

No, MissesJai, I missed that. I can imagine her mother must be something else. They got married when she was 16, so that means they must have been "dating" when she was what 14 and 15? What kind of parents allows that shit??!!!!?????


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

The funniest video of them is on Anderson Cooper's Ridiculist. Look it up on Youtube. She does this thing with her lips that is just hilarious.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13720 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Topic Posts: 45