SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
New Beginnings
User Topic: Weird.... need help on this one... another online dating guy
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
DOH!  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

So...this guy emails me about a week ago or so and we talk a little bit about running as he is starting to get into racing. He tells me he is an OBGYN...which is pretty impressive. Owns his own software business that he is starting up and enjoys sailing..... my first instinct is..."SO, what is wrong with you?"

He sends me an email today after just unhiding his account for a week that his match account runs out today and he wants to keep in touch...giving me his phone number and email address... wants to take me out for dinner or a drink sometime.

IDK ..... you know what they say about too good to be true....

Plus...this on again off again account stuff is a slight red flag to me.... am I just weirding out again?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

you know what they say about too good to be true

My first thought... what OBGYN has time to start their own software business?

Do you have his name? Have you google searched him?


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I don't know. I don't feel like you have enough info for there to be a red flag yet?


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

His account is closed now. Its almost as if he hid it again right after he sent his email.....or is this a possible coincidence?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

My guess is a real OB/GYN could afford to keep his account active.

Just sayin'...

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Well....he gave me his email address that had a last name on it and I put two-and two together and googled him and VOILA! Apparently he is an OBGYN! But, it just seems odd to me....why on earth would a decently attractive doctor have trouble finding people to date!!!??


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

My guess is it's because he's a gynecologist. Right or wrong, that may weird a lot of women out.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Or, just perhaps, he's posing as this OB/GYN.

Honestly, it's up to you if you want to follow-up or not. Frankly, I think he's playing you but what do I know.

Dayem, girl, it's almost like you have to CSI every guy that responds!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Or, just perhaps, he's posing as this OB/GYN

This is my thought as well. When you google him does it show what practice he works for. A lot of practices have pictures of their doctors.

why on earth would a decently attractive doctor have trouble finding people to date!!!??

Because he doesn't want his wife/gf to know he is dating??


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I feel like this is a no-win cycle. You'll never find a decent guy if you assume that every decent guy you meet is fake.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13565 | Registered: Jul 2011
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I feel like this is a no-win cycle. You'll never find a decent guy if you assume that every decent guy you meet is fake.

I agree with this, completely. Gently, if you're going to look for red flags in everything...you're going to find them. Know what I mean?


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

There is something about assuming the worst so soon that says you don't trust your instincts and boundaries enough to have a date or two and be safe from making a dumb mistake.

Totally understandable.

But you are not ruled by your past. You are a capable woman with maturing self-knowledge and confidence and you can go on a date safely to gather more in-person information if you choose.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
numbandnauseous
Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

My take? Trust your gut. Sounds like he is too good to be true.

OB/GYN, software business, sailing and racing?! He'd have to have a body double to keep up with it all! It's just too much. If all that were true and he were a normal guy, he wouldn't have to put all that out on the table so quickly to impress you. Doctor would be enough. So, even if it is true, there's NPD or something going on that is causing him to have to show off for you; to "charm" you, if you will.

Also, the account on again, off again thing bothers me.

Caveats: I am a suspicious person by nature and I haven't started dating yet, nor do I know a THING about online dating. I can see what the others are saying re: relax, it couldn't hurt to go out for coffee with him, right?

How are you doing re: IC and your own healing? That would be the other thing that I would worry about is if he is another fraud trying to suck you in. God forbid you fall for it.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I don't know, I hide my profile constantly. I'm only "on" if I see someone that has my attention. I leave it up long enough for a few emails, give him my "fake" email address so I can pull off Match.

Also, I'm not sure he would want his patients to see him on Match. I don't find it strange.

Have a cup of coffee with him and see what he is like...


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

My concerns are as others have shared the "over extended" nature of his businesses. Knowing the hours my OB/GYN keeps and its very on-call nature, I'd find him having time to be an entrepreneur with his medical career difficult at best.

His new interest in racing...hmmm...also a light red flag.

The profile on/off bit - can't really comment because I'm not doing it, though from the 10,000 foot view it seems odd.

If you do decide to meet him, I'm quite sure your BS radar being as good as it is will smell a fake a mile away.

Just be careful. It takes nothing to make a fake email account using someone else's name. Not that I'd know anything about that.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

.why on earth would a decently attractive doctor have trouble finding people to date!!!??
One word - TIME.

IDK - I wouldn't think nefarious things about him based on anything you've written, but I might wonder about how available he actually is given his occupation and his active hobbies.

But that's putting the cart just a bit before the horse. What harm can there be in meeting him for coffee?


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Why do you think he has trouble finding a date?
If its because he's on OLD, so are you! Does that mean you're automatically suspect too?

Second, I used to turn my profile on/off based on whether I found ONE person I was interested in dating for a bit. I am horrible at multidating, so I concentrated on one person at a time, only posting my profile again once I "next" a guy.

It sounds to me that he's a guy who has a comfortable lifestyle and isnt afraid to try new things. That's a plus or a minus, depending on how much of a risk-taker you prefer in a mate.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6076 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Call him up and ask him what kind of uterine sound he uses and if he hesitates look for another OBGYN.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 505 | Registered: Jun 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I list my interests on OLD as dancing (I go about 3x a year because I have no one to go with), bocce (only played two seasons), baking (for church potlucks). Just because something is a hobby doesn't mean that someone does it every weekend.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13565 | Registered: Jul 2011
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

My OB/GYN sails, but I live in Annapolis, everyone sails here

Totally get why he would be looking to get into software, OB/GYNs have one of the highest malpractice ins rates out there, pretty much if you don't work in a large group (less money) you can't afford to practice. Trust me, I've lost two great GYN docs because of this.

I totally get why he uses OLD, he can't exactly meet someone at work


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
MyReturn2Me
Member
Member # 34352
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I totally get why he uses OLD, he can't exactly meet someone at work

^^ ^^


Me: BS 51 and Freaking AWESOME!
Him: Who the fuck cares........

Posts: 259 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Puget Sound
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I'm not seeing what is too good to be true about him.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Isn't everyone using OLD these days. Everyone is busy, it is harder to meet real life people who are available without hanging out in bars and clubs. I assume this is why you are using OLD as you have a small child.

What's the harm in meeting for a coffee or a drink in a public place.

I really don't think you can learn much about a person via email. Conversations by email or texting is completely different to real life situations. Written text is open to so many different interpretations.

If you keep looking for the bad in everyone you will never find anyone we all have bad, annoying habits etc.

I have recently read a book about it talks about being open to love/relationships. You have to be open to all sorts of people, your prince charming may not come in the package you are requiring. And just saying because the sperm donor didn't have a college degree doesn't mean other suitors without a degree are going to be deadbeats.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 23