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Just Found Out
User Topic: Hiding from family/friends
shudistayorgo
New Member
Member # 39674
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

We are 3.5 weeks since D-Day. I have only told my closest friend and my sister of WS's A. He hasn't told anyone. Part of it for me is that I never want our children finding out...ever. And the less people who know, the less chance of that happening. But how realistic is it to maintain a "normal" relationship to the outside world?? We have plans to go away for this long weekend (Canada Day) to his best friend's cottage. I think we'll be ok with eachother but I worry about something being said or there being a trigger. It just feels like we're being forced to lie...

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013
avicarswife
Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Hi - I think it is a really personal thing and often comes down to personality.

I told some colleagues at work - but mostly because I struggled to function. Family wise - my mum asked me directly at about 6 months, our adult daughter we told at the time and our sons only very recently. None of his family know at over a year out.

Although some people asked us if things were ok - most didn't. It is fine to tell people you are going though a 'rough patch' and nothing else - every marriage goes through those.



BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
1devastedmom
Member
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

We also decided that we never want our children to find out. I know some people at church have asked me if we're ok because they can sense something is wrong. My MIL flat out asked me last month if everything was alright. I've told everyone that we're ok just going through a rough patch and to pray for us. The hardest part is hiding from my kids when I start crying from all the pain. My youngest caught me crying last week and wanted to know what was wrong. I told her a friend of mine died and I was really sad (she's 9). I felt horrible lying to her.


Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Reconcilling

Posts: 139 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
brokenhearted76
Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Hugs! And i am so sorry you are going through this. Dday for me was roughly 3 weeks ago. Husband of 7 yrs cheated. And i to am having to hide it. He doesnt want his family to know. And truth is hun, you didnt lie to your daughter. It is like a death, of the secure person we used to be. And we do mourn the loss of who we were. This site, has been my savior the past week. Please read read read and post post post. It helps!


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
TotallyPerplexed
New Member
Member # 39572
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)

I think it is ok to keep it quiet. Whether or not you are staying together/attempting recovery, why involve others who may not understand?
And the kids do not need to know, esp if they are young.
My teen daughter caught me crying/grieving... (I try to limit my grieving to early in the morning before everyone else is up...) I just told her I was moody from PMS. I also hated lying, and I hate keeping it a secret from the kids, but I also would hate for them to know.
It's a tough spot wayward spouses put us in.
So sorry you have to endure this.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jun 2013
Betrayed07
New Member
Member # 39650
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

I'm struggling with all this hiding, too. I just want to spill my guts to someone and let it all out. Dday for me was only 4 days ago and I have an appointment with IC next week. I'm hoping that gives me some relief.

I think the reason we don't want to tell people is that if they haven't been through this horrible experience, they have NO IDEA what we are going through. I feel like they will automatically hate the WS and think you are crazy for not leaving.

I think avicarswife's advice is great - tell people you are going through a rough patch, thats it. It lessens the "faking" you have to do. I'm going to try that. I'm finding it hard to even go to the store. I told my 6 yr old TWICE yesterday that I stubbed my toe. Going to have to figure out how to explain future grieving sessions.

We are all here with you, unfortunately. :-(


Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

D-Day was 2.5 weeks ago for me, I've told my 3 oldest and closest friends and that's it. I will not tell my family unless I decide to end the marriage and I know that is just too soon to decide. My dad would be heartbroken. We haven't had much socializing so far, but worried about people will notice that I've become a hermit. The kids are at camp during the day so I do my crying then or after they go to sleep. The amount of problems our WS's have caused seems limitless, doesn't it? It truly affects every single aspect of our lives. Effers.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, June 27th (Thursday)

I think this is the part that has me near insanity.

My family, my friends, they have been through so much with me, they are the greatest support system...now I am supposed to NOT tell them the thing that has knocked me the lowest?

I have decided to start talking to our non-mutual friends, i.e. my friends. I don't care if he has to some day be faced with their wrath or ridicule because they know, that is his problem.

I nearly decided to tell my family and threaten them with dire consequences if they blabbed around my son but I know this is going to gut my parents (not my siblings, they don't like H anyway) not so much because of D but because they don't handle me being in pain well even though I'm over 40 now. I don't really want to put them through that just yet. I want to be in a VERY good place so they don't see that.

F trying to be "normal", F being fake, its making me bonkers and barfy. He doesn't like being honest about this then he shouldn't have done it.

(disclosure: I would never be able to work in a gov't secret kind of job because holding stuff in instead of getting it out eats me alive)

I have been trying for a year and did pretty well but then something at the 1 year mark just snapped in me.

Good luck to you in trying to work this out.

I can say that in the last year I have learned just how much I can filter what comes out of my mouth, I have learned massive amounts of patience (esp with myself), and I have learned the self-control of a monk. It hasn't been a total waste of time/effort.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

I just want to say, within a few weeks after my 3rd birthday, yes 3 years old, I found my mother crying on her bed.

I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't feel good. I still remember thinking to myself, "She thinks I don't understand that she is sad." That was over 60 years ago and I can still see that scene in my mind vividly.

Don't under estimate what your kids understand.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
columbus66
New Member
Member # 39321
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

I am 8 months out from D-Day. I had wonderful therapists who I saw 2-3 times a week, but even talking to them that often wasn't enough to address the depth of this hurt. I had to talk about it, grieve it, over and over again. I found it easier to talk to people I barely knew...I had just relocated to a new area so I was able to find those people. I do agree, though, that you have to be careful who you decide to reveal this to, and family are the hardest. Talk, and post here...as one of my therapists wisely said, "You can't heal it if you can't get it out of your mouth." I am still talking about it A LOT 8 months later.

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2013
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

I will just echo what Jennifer said in a way and that is ...if I had cancer, I would tell my parents. If I ended up in the hosp with chest pains, I would tell my parents. If I hit something or someone w my car, they would know. But the worst time in my life, the biggest trauma in my 44 years...they dont know this. It is an odd feeling.

The only real prob with this is that my 17 year old niece found out (not by me!) and I fear she will blurt it out one day

There are people you WANT to tell (for support) but keep to a min and people you NEED to tell for fear the news reaches them first. I am in the latter place right now. Ugh!

I told my bf, sister and cousin. I TOTALLY regret telling the latter two. It just made everything much more complicated in those early BRUTAL weeks.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2431 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 28th (Friday)

You can't go through this alone. Please don't try to.

Like you, I told only one person and therapist when I first suspected something and then confronted and learned I was right. Then told my brother and SIL. Then my dad. Then slowly other close friends. Obviously, you must be WISE about who you share this info with, but you also need support and people really DO have your back. Plus, people can tell something is off. I was pretty much having a nervous breakdown and dropped out of circulation, which was definitely not in my nature. It was obvious to people who know me well (and even those who only know me on a surface level) that something was really off and that I was under extreme stress. People were concerned, not out to spread gossip.

I told my therapist the other day that I have found support in some of the most unexpected places. Example: the wife of one of WH's long time friends is furious with my H and her H is sticking up for me, told WH he is disappointed in him and that he better have ended things with OW. Obviously you don't want to have a million people involved in your issues, but select influences can help. WH - who obviously wants things to be kept secret because then he isn't judged and doesn't have to face other people thinking he's an asshole - got a reality check. People he respects think he did a really shitty thing. Another example is that a close friend shared with me her own struggle with depression/suicidal thoughts. She hasn't suffered infidelity in her marriage but she definitely said that things aren't perfect and that it's a lot of work. On the outside, they are this wealthy, vibrant couple and on the inside - like everyone else - they have their struggles.

The other aspect of this is the secretive nature of this. As you experienced with the Affair, secrets hurt relationships. You have to ask yourself are you protecting your kids? Or are you protecting him still? Your kids won't find out about this if you are smart about who knows this info because obviously, they have your kids' best interest at heart too.

Bottom line you have to balance keeping things normal and putting up appearances with actually facing up to what is going on and letting a select few trusted people in.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, June 28th (Friday)

So good to read this thread! I've told only my therapist and one friend. She isn't part of my every day life and while we talk on the phone, I don't see her very often and she is not close to any of the other people in my life. It's crazy how much shame I am still dealing with since we are trying to R. I will be in my hometown this weekend and have consciously decided NOT to see the friend I usually connect with just so I won't have to talk about the A.

[This message edited by WeepingBuddhist at 11:00 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 603 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Just found this thread and noticed several of you are on a similar timeline - I'm just coming up 3 weeks since DDay, have been married seven years (anniversary 6/26). Have not shared my story on here (have a tendency to waffle) but have found great help in reading. Only told best friend and IC/MC (she's been our counsellor for years individually and as a couple during a period of depression four years ago for both if us). Don't want to tell any other family or friends as WH and I are not splitting up and I don't want to damage their opinion of WH, but sometimes it feels like there's no consequence got his actions y'know?


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, June 28th (Friday)

In my case, I don't want my friends to think badly of ME. Sometimes I feel so stupid for letting him stay. I never would have expected that for myself and I certainly KNOW that I have thought poorly of women who did.


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 603 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, June 28th (Friday)

I'm about 2 months exactly from d day and only 2 friends and therapists know. It's a special kind of hell to go through alone, but Mr Triple was using a hook up site to find women so it is definitely not something I can share casually. At the advice of our MC we told our teenagers we are struggling in our marriage and getting help. DS16 was not fooled and wanted to drill down. Now he knows dad betrayed mom and I think he can fill in the blanks to a point. We are very social with neighbors but have basically gone into hiding, and my one dear friend stopped me in the street to say she knew something was very wrong. I just started crying and said don't expect to see much of us. They all think Mr Triple hung the moon and I want to scream he is a cheating, lying douche who nuked our family. So I hide instead. Thank heaven for SI, where everyone understands PERFECTLY the agony, madness, stages, and options and there are the experienced to coach and support the new. Hugs, friends.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 28th (Friday)

I told whoever was in earshot .....initially I thought I would regret it.

I did nothing wrong and had nothing to be ashamed of.

People who know us from pre-A are supportive of the strength and changes we have made.

Anyone who wouldn't be would not be a part of my life. Unfortunately there were a few of those.

I didn't tell my kids, but they found out ...dumb me.

If I were to do it again I would tell them.

There is an enormous lesson to be learned walking through an event as devastating as an A. It rocks a family and to have parents pick themselves up dust themselves off and go through the healing process with strength,courage and dignity(D or R) shows children that you can recover, you can be strong and you better know how to take care of you...

JMO


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Something that's killing me is the isolation. I've always been an open person, never had to keep secrets from my friends but now, it's this elephant in my life and I have to go on pretending I'm fine. We are R and I know his remorse (ONS) is genuine - he's doing everything right as per and article I read in the healing library, but fear and self doubt randomly creep in...


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Happydays
Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Initially I offered to resolve issues with exW and move on. ExW was adamant on keeping a dual life.
Plus I was dealing with a woman who's father was a an ex cop and exW knew laws for women. She kept lying and lying to her family about me and my supposedly bad behaviour.

I had no choice but to tell everyone to prove her wrong. It helped me as I got valuable inputs from everyone I told. From people who knew how to handle false dv cases, future allegations, police contacts, press , lawyers, strategies etc. in all over 25 people were helping me including neighbours. Everyone was praying and losing their sleep for me.
I will be greatful to them always.

[This message edited by Happydays at 12:15 PM, June 28th (Friday)]


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
circleoflife
New Member
Member # 39702
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 28th (Friday)

He told his sister the same lies he was telling me. I have told her some of it, but decided she is not someone I trust enough or whose opinion I respect. I told my brother b/c he is going thru something similar with his wife (or soon ex) and my close friend. I told her b/c she is a family lawyer and I also wanted to know my rights. It's hard to talk to her b/c she wants me to leave and I feel almost embarrassed to stay? I know she'll respect my decision (she may not like it) and I know it's not her life but she really is a very dear friend to me and maybe she has a point about my situation.


Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2013
onlyTHRUthePAIN
New Member
Member # 39161
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Honestly....we have told NO ONE. This was my choice, as H was more than willing to tell the kids, the in-laws, etc. I didn't want to b/c I knew once they found out, they would never forgive him, which would make R extremely difficult. I also didn't want t opinions of my family b/c they are not forgiving and are very rigid. None of them have had to deal with this and I honestly do not think they could EVER understand why we stayed together to work things out.

Just remember that once you have told someone- it can't be untold. If you have people you truly feel are a friend of the marriage and want the best for you and your spouse, then by all means vent if you need to.

I am now absolutely certain that I made the right choice for me. I wanted so badly to scream to the World what an a-hole my H was those first few days....but I didn't. And R is going very well for us. I like that we can keep everything between us and not having outside influences always telling us what we should or shouldn't do. But everyone else is right....during the lowest and hardest time in my life...I couldn't tell anyone! It is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through-alone.


Me: 32
FWH: 32
Together 16 years, met in HS.
"Sort of" Dday 2/28/06

True Dday 5/2/2012..it all came out
R going very well


Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, June 28th (Friday)

I like that we can keep everything between us and not having outside influences always telling us what we should or shouldn't do

IMO friends of the marriage support you through a trauma. They do not tell you what to do, they do not hold grudges against one party or the other.

They love, support and cheer you on when you need it. They will give advice when it's asked for but know it isn't something you have to take.

For us, the friends we have are all a part of our support system.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Happydays
Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, June 28th (Friday)

I like that we can keep everything between us and not having outside influences always telling us what we should or shouldn't do.

I think it depends on the situation.
If my exW was remorseful and adhered to rules of R then I wouldn't have told anyone to make her uncomfortable.
She planned to what they say as ' f me over'. I had to tell so everyone is aware of what she is doing and how she was manipulating.
I am glad I told everyone. Finished everything in 5 months flat.
My friends and family, hell even my lawyer, didn't believe all I had to say. It was the overwhelming evidence and torture that everyone was on my side. I wasn't able to think straight, and my folks did the thinking for me. Ultimately I chose to take or reject some advices given.


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Ladyogilvy
Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, June 28th (Friday)

I don't like secrets. I think all of the secrets around infidelity prevent people from learning the terrible truth about infidelity and it's aftermath. How do our children learn what a terrible thing it really is if we pretend everything is okay? How does society learn to put it in proper perspective if we continue to hide in shame?


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
mellie99
Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I have only told 2 friends about what has happened, though the most recent event left me pretty shaken and I guess I didn't hide it too well at work. Someone said something that really bothered me during our daily staff meeting and I guess I looked so downtrodden my boss pulled me into her office in the middle of the meeting and made me talk to her. I didn't tell her everything, just that I was dealing with some personal things and that people need to realize that I can't be strong all the time. She was very understanding and it helped...that was about 3 months ago.

The one friend I've confided in the most has a husband that cheats on her everytime he deploys (he's military) and has even given her an STD. She did leave him for about a year and had an affair of her own but came back. Even knowing what she's been through, however, I still don't feel like I can truly commiserate with her like I can with you guys here. It's tough for me to keep this from my sisters because we talk about EVERYTHING but I've always been taught not to talk about the problems in your marriage with others so I keep a lot of things to myself. As much as I hate to admit it, I think part of my fear about telling my family is that they will hate him for what he's done an do everything in their power to make me leave him...one of my sisters has offered several times to let me live with her if I ever feel like I need a break. I know she can sense something is wrong but is just waiting for me to come out and say it. In a way I feel trapped; I know I deserve better but can't bear the thought of confirming this fear I have of once again not being good enough for someone, and being pregnant also I just don't want to be alone.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I told my sister almost immediately!
My sister is also my best friend..
Her support has been lifesaving and meant a lot to me....
I was 1 1/2 years into this mess before I told anybody at work...People at work including my boss were extremely supportive..
It boils down to what you need to survive.. Your need to function with support trumps WS's need for privacy/ to look good amongst friends and family...


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Nov 2011
anewhaven
Member
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Five years out, and nobody knows. Not about the affair, the OC, nothing. I just couldn't face the phone calls, the caring looks, the sympathy.

I put my head in the sand and pretend my life is normal.


Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

I have told a ton of people. Partly because I had to. When my WH walked out on me, having dropped the bombshell he cheated, I posted on Facebook. Some people saw it before I deleted it so I explained to those people.

In some ways I regret it- I don't like everyone knowing our business. In other ways, I don't. I was in total choas and confusion and I didn't know WHO or HOW to reach out to anyone, so by throwing it out there people came to me. I know myself- if I had thought for more than 5 seconds about saying anything, I would never had said anything and would have isolated myself utterly. My friends have totally come through for me and I wouldn't have gotten through this without them.

On the downside, my WH has totally lost the respect and trust of my family, who already had issues with him.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I probably would have told no one except my dad. I was so shocked that first week though so its hard to say. However, WS told everyone - the people at church, his sister, his boss and employees (they mostly heard rumors and asked) etc etc etc. because he said he wants to be more accountable. Our therapist said we shouldn't tell our kids, just be prepared if they hear rumors someday and ask.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
RockyMtn
Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, July 1st (Monday)

IMO friends of the marriage support you through a trauma. They do not tell you what to do, they do not hold grudges against one party or the other

Yes...but..they are humans. They will judge. They will have opinions. They may keep those to themselves. For me, personally, I don't want to fret about what others think. Sure, I could just say, "I don't care what others think." But I do. And this is coming from a self-confident person. Self-confident - but private. I don't really want to deal with the chatter of others, the worries about judgment, etc. It is just another source of stress for me.

I haven't told a single friend or family member. For me, it works. But I have IC, MC, and am a member of Al-Anon, which has nothing to do with infidelity, but I can share my feelings there. And i have SI and my WH.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, July 5th (Friday)

One of my friends said in an email that "you don't seem like yourself". She's right. I'm not myself. I just can't bring myself to talk about this with her or anyone other than my therapist. I'm feel like a giant suppurating wound.


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 603 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Topic Posts: 31