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User Topic: The P/A Narcissist - comedy thread - who's got one??
dumped&replaced
Member
Member # 34288
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

Ok been catching up on SI tonight (it's been awhile)..For those of us dealing with the Passive Aggressive/Narcissist - let's share some quick one hitters....I think we can all use some laughter.

I'll start it off:

Our son :" Dad, can you pay for this one summer class I have to take?"

His father.."What is your mother putting toward it? Put her on the phone"

then...

" I will NOT be nickel and dimed to death"....with his voice shaking

Reality: he moved in with his girlfriend 2 years ago, has given his college age sons NOTHING since ... he makes over $100,000 a year which is 3 x more than me even WITH alimony and I pay their phones, car, insurance, clothing, food and shelter when they are home ... but he will NOT BE NICKLE AND DIMED TO DEATH

hahahahaha

OK, here's another one:

Me: "You said you would put the riding mower on craig's list to sell when we listed the house Sept...it's now May and we sold the house in January. When will you do this"

him: crickets...

me, 4 days later: "hello? r u going to sell this or what?"

him: crickets....

Me (2 weeks later) "I went to our old neighbor's house who was nice enough to store the tractor and brought it to my new house. I will take care of it"

Him: "See , there ya go again dumped&replaced - you are SUCH a controlling bit**"

HAHAHAHAHA...LMAO

I could do this all night...Really? me and my girlfriends have almost peed our pants laughing at this kind of stuff...

Please share if you have more illustrations..........



Dday: 8/22/11
Divorce final: 10/6/12 - my 22nd wedding anniversary
Married: 21 years, together 23 years
BS: 51
WS: 47
2 awesome sons, ages 19 & 20

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: PA
SweetheartVixen
Member
Member # 4956
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, June 27th (Thursday)

I am quite certain mine is a PA narc.
I don't know if this counts but last nite he offered to take me to GDs last ballgame. OK,I went as he was just in a wreck and drives(hes legally Blind) and a big storm was predicted.

He soon says get in the truck, time to go. Game was only half over and weather was fine. I didn't immediately jump and out he pulls. My 8 year old GS says would he realy go and make you walk all the way home. I said yea I am pretty sure he would. I either obey him right now or else. Don't know if he had a hot date or was missing his wresling.
Anyway GS runs to his truck as he is so confused and shook up.

I really wanted to stay but Ive had a splinter in my foot for a week and it was hurting at the time and I didn't think I could make the walk w/o sidewalks.

Wish I would have stayed and hopped home.

ETA: Oh I just saw where it said funny. Not to much about him is funny ATM. I will get there though. Every once in a while I just smile at his antics and stupidity. I guess control becomes funny when you are no longer being controlled. And I think I am almost there!

[This message edited by SweetheartVixen at 1:55 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14


Posts: 3097 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Oldest son refuses to visit xwh

Xwh: He will be made to come it's in our court orders blah blah (more about how it effects him)

Me: I am not stopping him from going.

Xwh: Yes you are, he can't continue to hide behind you. I am going to get the police and they will make him go. I'm going to get a lawyer.

Me: Ok.

Xwh: You can't control me and my life anymore, you are such a controlling bitch.

Me: Crickets

At next pick up X turns up and is nice as pie to me & youngest DS (no police) and they leave without incident.

Oldest DS: WTF is wrong with him he has some sort of personality disorder mean and nasty one minute and nice the next


Next one:

Xwh: you can't take the kids on holidays I won't let them go.

Me: why would you want to stop them having a holiday. They can have some fun, and experience some new things. The kids will love it.

Xwh: Because I can't have one why should they. You are not taking them on holiday.

Me: I am taking them to x location on this date and we will be back on x date. Here is a copy of our plane tickets etc. Contact info while we are away.

Xwh: You are not taking them on holiday I won't allow it.

Me: I don't need your permission refer to item 32 in our court orders.

Xwh: Whatever you can't take them out of the state without my permission. You are such a controlling bitch BB.

Me: See item 32 I don't need your permission.

Xwh: Yes you do, you can't take them it effects my time with them.

Me: No it doesn't it is during my vacation time with the children.

Xwh: You are not leaving the state with them, you don't have my permission.

Me: Crickets

Xwh: You can't take them on holidays.

Me: Crickets

Xwh: I will get the police they will meet you at the airport and stop you from boarding the plane with them.

Me: Crickets

XWH: I have seen a lawyer you can't take them out of the state without my permission. They will not be going on holidays.

Me: See item 32.


ETA another one:

DS: I am really hurt that you didn't celebrate my birthday with me.

XWH: Because you didn't do anything for my birthday the week before.

DS: I am a child how can I go and buy you something for your birthday?

XWH: I don't care you did nothing for my birthday why should I do anything for yours, you would rather spend your birthday with your friends at your party your problem not mine.

[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 12:17 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1348 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
honesttoafault
Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, June 28th (Friday)

There's so many, I could write a book.

WH had 3 OC's with OW with his LTA while we were married.

WH: If the 3 OC's and our 2 DS's don't get along and have a good relationship, I'm going to blame you.

Me: Blame me? I never said anything bad about the OC's.

WH: But you are always depressed and sad since I told you about the OW and OC's and that affects the DS's and that's why they don't want to meet them. You don't have to say anything. They see that and it's all your fault.


You can't make this stuff up.


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, June 28th (Friday)

STBX: I'm not going to MC.

Me: If we don't do MC this marriage is over. We need help. We can't even talk to each other. No MC, no marriage.

STBX: Okay, I'll go, but only because you're forcing me.

Later, when we get home from MC...

STBX: I just want you to know I won't be going back to MC.

Me: Why not?

STBX: Because I don't want to talk about what you think is wrong with me.

Me: Do you think there's nothing wrong with you? Do you think we should NOT talk about the love letters & your anger?

STBX: No. There's nothing wrong with me.

Me: We should still go so we can learn to communicate.

STBX: Fine. We'll go. But we can't talk about me.

Me: Can we talk about me?

STBX: There's lots about you to talk about. But if you mention me again in any way, I'm done with MC and done with you. I'm sick of being told what to do.

Me: What if the counselors want both of us to do something?

STBX: Only you. Not me. You can't talk about me, you can't mention me, you can't tell me what to do.

Me: So then, it's MC, but only one of us is going to participate?

STBX: That's right. You said I had to go to MC or the marriage is over. So I'm going. Don't blame me if this isn't what you wanted. You wanted me to go. I'm going.

Me: Okay then.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, June 28th (Friday)

You can't talk about me, you can't mention me, you can't tell me what to do.

During marriage counseling, no less!!! lol

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 2:29 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, June 28th (Friday)

xh: I'm not taking DS to trumpet lessons during my summer visiation.

me: Why not? Aren't you going to be in town and not working?

XH: Yes, but I hate football, so I'm not participating in band. I'll drop him off and you can take him. And I'm not going to any more football games to watch his 1/2 time show bc I hate football.

me: Don't you understand, this is what families do? They support each other's activities?

XH: oh no no no!!! No they do not. That is not what families do. OW and I decide what we will go to and then we tell the kids. Also the kids want to live with me. Have you paid the house payment because if you get behind, I get to move back in and you are out of there.

me: I hope you two get married so she can bring other men into your house while you are at work (what they did to her XH) LOL


I see why we are encouraged to get mental health. These people are nuts and we have to really be strong mentally to help ourselves and our children. Our conversation went from trumpet lessons to house issues.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Jan 2012
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Confrontation occurred on holidays. I handed him my "i know you're seeing someone else and we're done"letter at breakfast.

WH: I don't want to read this
TC: read it
WH: crickets
TC: so- how long has this been going on?
WH: I don't want to discuss this. I want you to relax around the pool.

Or-
TC: I see from the bank statements that your "1-4 night stand" is actually 15 months and counting.
WH: I can see that you are a hard, unforgiving person.
TC: wha???
WH: when I asked for forgiveness, it was for that entire time period. This is why the marriage is over- you are just like your mother and won't let things go.

Happy to say that as of today, it is now "X"WH


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
jackie89
Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, June 28th (Friday)

So funny! Thanks for this!

Me: if you want to continue in this marriage, you need to go NC with OW.

STBX - I'll go contact when I'm ready to go NC

Me: - then you need to leave and move out!

STBX - I'll leaven when I'm ready to leave!

This was our conversation for a few months.

I put by bitch boots on and filed for Divorce - served him at work and I made sure I was not home that night.

STBX came home - left me a note on top of divorce papers

STBX - "Don't ever say you love me, ever again, after what you just did to me"


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 489 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, June 28th (Friday)

We had this conversation virtually the entire False R - the last time being about 2 mins after giving me what felt like the most heartfelt and honest apology he had ever given me. It was the turn of midnight on our 8th wedding anniversary. I had been a mess all week - I asked for a little space because I was not strong enough to cope with his neediness at this time:

X: Why can't you believe me? [he said there was only 1 OW. I never believed it. Ever].

Me: Because you have lied to me for so long - you've lied to yourself for so long. You are lying now. She was not the only one.

X: I don't expect you to believe me but I expect you to trust me. I can't be in a marriage without trust.

Me: Me either (said to myself: WTF dude, are you serious????).

X: You're not invested in this at all. You're using this as an excuse to punish me.

ETA: this was the night of final S - a few mins into our 8th wedding anniversary. It got heated so I went to leave. As I was at the door he said "If you walk out that door we are done". I said "You promise?" and walked out.

It is the only promise to me he has ever kept. I intend to make him keep it forever.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 9:14 PM, June 28th (Friday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, June 28th (Friday)

I'd just read the sleazy messages between MOW2 & STBX and I sent her a FB message. She must have panicked and called it off with him that day.

Him (with tears in his eyes): 'congratulations, you got what you wanted'

Me: 'no, you're still here. Did she dump your sorry ass?'

Him:'it's over. It's ruined! You ruin everything!!'

Other rot that came out of his mouth:
'You're not my wife! You're just the mother of my children!'

Said with a smug smile on his face - 'define adultery!'

'If I were you, I'd be asking myself what drove me to have an affair'

'I'm going to tell everyone what you're REALLY like'

Oh you gotta laugh


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 28th (Friday)

This thread is helping me so much!!! I really thought I was the only one hearing this type of cr**.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Jan 2012
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Not sure if this is P/A, NPD or just plain nuts! One thing seems obvious - the only person on his radar is him!

Background: Dday occurred on the phone while I was visiting my mother - he packed and left within 3 hours.

A week later I got home, DDs' had moved furniture back in the living room (it had been his office) and DD's bf had mowed the lawn (It hadn't been mowed all summer because WH refused. read: PA started.)

WH - I see you put the living room back.
Me - Yeah, well it was empty.
WH - (with tears) It's like you couldn't wait to get rid of all traces of me!
Me -

WH - Who mowed the lawn?
Me - DD's boyfriend.
WH - So what? Why couldn't he do that when I was living there?
Me -

WH - (after I refused to let him move back in.) "I don't think you ever loved me. I think you planned this from the beginning!"
Me: (yep, all part of my evil plan: get M, become a BS, and D 30 yrs later...)

Over time I got really good at NC! Which resulted in:

WH - (18 months after Dday)
"I'm committed. I've changed. I want to be a family again. I don't expect you to say anything, I'm going to prove myself to you."
Me - *crickets*
WH - (2 days later) Thanks for giving me a second chance!

Me: and crickets (it would've been a 32nd chance... and um: no.)

Two weeks ago (4.5 years from Dday) a text:

XWH: "I love you. I'm sorry. I long for what was...I long to be with you. Please forgive me."
Me:

Crickets are easiest when the communication leaves you speechless!

[This message edited by Take2 at 11:31 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Well, there's so much material to work with, what to choose?

Happy Pants (f/k/a Perv, for a change) always has been concerned about controlling money. He put every single bill we ever had save the house itself in his own name. He works hard to keep me from knowing even what mail he gets now and got a p.o. box. (I asked why isn't his mail going to Fatty B? already...this got ignored.)

So now that we are moving through the divorce process (snail's pace) and have to account for everything legally beside to creditors and we are in financial crisis, guess what? It's only coming down on the head of HP! Not me!

I am having other struggles, but as one bank man reminded me, I can kind of start out new, like a college kid and not have the added worry of them coming after me!

In the divorce papers they are trying to set me up and ding me for this and that to "share" expenses and I keep reminding the L's -both-that these are empty pockets they are looking in for gold coins. I have been SAHM for almost 10 years! Not gonna happen for quite some time!

There's so much to write on, but I will share a word I have for the concept of this thread: Opposite Land, because things people do to get out of something so often just bite them in the end.

I wish more time could be spent on fixing a problem authentically and having it truly be gone then this way.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, June 28th (Friday)

My 'best' one:

After catching him and the OW together for god know's how many times, he locked himself in the bedroom. (Background: He is retired NYPD, currently a corrections officer)

X: I'm going to shoot myself!

Me: Do you really want to do this to your son??

X: I'm going to shoot myself!

Me: I have my cell phone; I'm calling the police.

X: Don't do that! I'll lose my guns!

Me:


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20227 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, June 28th (Friday)

P.S. "We" had the lawn problem here and a magnitude of unfinished projects just abandoned as we were.

There's also the plowing in winter and Happy Pants would make deals with the neighbors and one would not follow through, so it's biting him now, you know when people try to barter a service for a service? The other people didn't want the trade we could offer so now "we" are stuck with a bill.

Well, it's another one he only put his name on and he made the deal with the other guy, so L says, "Nope, not your responsibility."

He left our lawn equipment broken when he took off, too, so it made it extra hard to find someone to do it. For a while some teenagers did it, but they wrecked it and he got mad at that, too.

Life just isn't always going toot-sweet, is it?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
loveisareddress
Member
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, June 28th (Friday)

I don't expect you to believe me but I expect you to trust me. I can't be in a marriage without trust.

This one has always made me furious.

Reading it now makes me want to

Maybe I'm not ready for this yet.

I'll just wander on back to general now.


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 28th (Friday)

Somehow I had ended up in yet another conversation about his affair. As usual he is minimizing, blameshifting, gaslighting...using the standard narc responses.

Him: Were you trying to reconcile when you called me an 'evil monster'?

Me: I said that the week you were spending your mornings sleeping with OW before coming home from work while our kids and I were at home waiting for you.

Him: We're talking about what is going on NOW stop bringing up the past (insert my name)!

Me: Ummm..we are both talking about something that happened at the same point in time.

Him: Look, this is why we can't get past this (insert my name). You can't let anything go.

Me: crickets.


What an idiot. And yet another opportunity to see that trying to talk rationally with a crazy person is an exercise in futility.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 11:50 AM, June 28th (Friday)]


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Oooh, I'll play! My psychoX gives me so much material!

I get P.O.'s renewed every two years, and he fights them every time.

1st P.O....it wasn't going the way he wanted so he argued with the judge and got hostile...I got my P.O.

2nd P.O. He apologized for behaving badly (to the judge, not me) and said he was over it and was moving on. I showed proof he was having a friend of his stalk me. Judge said she would renew it one more time and he got hostile again.

3rd P.O. He said I didn't need a P.O. anymore and it was ruining his life and his dd thinks he is a criminal (how would she even know about it unless he told her...I don't bring this stuff up). When it wasn't going his way, he brought in proof that "I" was the one harassing him. His proof? A police document that showed he was reported for threatening to go to the court house and shoot everyone. DD overheard him talking on phone to his friend about it and taped him, she was scared. She had him on her tape recorder threatening to get a gun and shoot up the court house.... I took it to the police. Judge just looked at him and gave me my P.O. again.

Last court session when I went for my 4rd P.O.

He brought a lawyer with him (yes, to a P.O. hearing) to PROVE that he did not need to have a P.O. against him and it was ruining his life.....

Him: I really, really want to be able to communicate with NA for the sake of our daughter.

Me: We have been sending written letters back and forth when we need to discuss something important or communicate about visitation. (Our P.O. states he cannot contact or harass me in any way, but it is not to interfere with our child custody arrangement which is shared custody which means we can communicate non-directly about visitation and dd emergencies).

So for the past 4 years, we both have sent written communication only about our dd....

Him: Look, she has been contacting me in violation of the P.O.....she sent me a letter about summer visitation....I'm afraid I could go to jail over this!

Me: We have been doing this for 4 years, and we are supposed to be able to communicate about dd as long as it is not threatening.

Him: (Lying thru his teeth) I just ignore them and I don't send them to her...because I don't want to be in violation and I don't want to go to jail (I have many written letters from him about dd).

The judge: It looks like NA is not causing you any problems with the written communication and has not reported you about communication with your dd... I am going to renew the P.O. but write specifically in the order that you are allowed written communication about your dd.

Him: I don't want no letters or written communication from NA......(Then, he slammed his fist down and looked up at the ceiling and said "I'm just going to have to tell DD about this" (His lawyer kept trying to shush him LOL!)

The judge just stared at him and gave me another P.O. for 2 years.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 12:14 PM, June 28th (Friday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15241 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Love it. Funny but so sad.

Me: What did you get out of it (the A)?

STBXW: A connection! We were in love and you should be grateful it wasn't just about the sex

Me (at time of her establishing NC with OM -- "so did you tell him NC?"

STBXW: (storming off) yes, and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to in my life. It really crushed him and (shouting) I don't want to discuss it with you - it's none of your fucking business"

During weak attempt at "R"

STBXW: It's not fair that you get to question me on where I've been, but I can't do the same to you"

Me: Sure you can, I've nothing to hide

STBXW: Well that's not the point, it's having privacy to do things I don't want to have to share with you.

Me: Like an A?

STBXW: There you go again casting me as one of those people that run around sleeping with strangers"

Me. But that's what you did, no?

STBXW: It was different and I resent you making the A out to be this dirty little thing. It's unfair to me.

and on and on and on. Wash, rinse, repeat.

As I recant these gems, so grateful I'm now on the path to freedom.

[This message edited by Markone at 12:18 PM, June 28th (Friday)]


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2010
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 28th (Friday)

XWH#1 and I were separated and this was the last conversation we had about potential R.

ME: What do you REALLY want from me?

XWH#1: I want you to be like my mother.

Ok...CREEPY!

I got up, left the restaurant and filed the next day.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, June 28th (Friday)

XH and I had just finished seeing a movie and I needed to go to the bathroom before we went home. I looked directly at him and told him I was going to the bathroom. When I get done and found him he was pissed because I didn't tell him where I was going. When I told him that I looked right at him and told him I was going to the bathroom he said I should have "confirmed" that he heard me.

When I started going to IC XH told me he didn't want me going because I would only tell my side of the story. But whenever I suggested we go together he said he didn't need any help.

XH use to snore really bad but would get pissed if I woke him up to make him stop. One night when he was snoring I got up and went into the spare bedroom. He woke up a bit later and was pissed because he didn't know where I was and didn't like that I wasn't in bed. When I told him I was in there because he was snoring he said I should have woken him up.

A week after we separated he asks how long it would take to work things out so I could come home. I told him I didn't know, that it could be a month, two months or six months and that it depended on how things went. He told me that he didn't know if he could be faithful if it was going to take that long.

We met at our bank to have the divorce paper notarized and as we were leaving he told me "just be careful, there are worse guys out there than me".


I could go on and on...


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
fraeuken
Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 28th (Friday)

NatureGirl, we had almost exactly the same exchange. XH refused to continue to go for the same reason and because the counselor and I 'did gang up on him'.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1257 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, June 28th (Friday)

It's like dealing with toddlers in adult bodies. Some of these responses amaze me. These would make great SNL skits!


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1905 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 28th (Friday)

My XH isn't a PA NPD but he is NPD.

When he found out about me filing for divorce, he told me that he thought we would just be seperated for 2-3 years like his parents. He had walked out after hitting me.

During a MC session the counselor told him he needed to get therapy for the SA and therapy for anger management because he had a history of hitting me. She wouldn't see us without him doing those things. She also wanted to see us for IC. He told her he didn't have any issues, it was all me. (She seen some of it in MC)

I was such a dumbass, we had driven there together. He went balistic on the way home. He was driving crazy. I thought at one point he was going to kill us. I got him to pull the car over. He had a little fight with the seatbelt. I drove the rest of the way home. I dropped him off where he was staying. He gets out of the car, still having a hissy fit. He hit the car! He doesn't have any issues though.

I called the MC and let her know what happened. I also cancelled the next session and told her I was going through with the divorce.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Until the A and I started reading up and learning, I never realized my XWH was an NPD. Until reading this thread, I never realized he was PA! Now I think maybe so. Some examples:

ME: Please don't pay anything out of the checking account right now. That $$ is all committed to auto pay bills coming out soon.

HIM: Whatever, you don't have to make me feel like an asshole about it. I have bills I need to pay too!

ME: Well, I noticed you haven't put anything into the joint account in several months... ?? If you have something to deposit you can make payments now, but I don't get paid again until next month.

HIM (shouting): Oh my GOD! I spend every dime on things for this family! Do I have to provide you with receipts? Would that satisfy you?!

ME: I never said you don't spend it on us. I don't know where the money goes, I only know where it is not.

HIM (grabbing and shaking a little craft basket nearby): Are you even listening to me? Are you even in the same room with me?! You act like if there's money in this basket and money on the floor beside it, its not all in the same room!!!

ME: I don't know anything about the "basket" money. (he later opened his own account with a deposit of $12,000.- exactly 6 mos worth of him withholding his paychecks and leaving me to support him and his son with my income alone.)

Or this....

HIM (on a nice Saturday morning): I'm going to be gone all day hiking the waterfalls.

ME: Oh cool. Are you taking DS? (who had been pleading for time with his father)

HIM (looking disgusted): NO! I'm going with the guys I was out with last night. (rolling his eyes now) WHAT?! Why are you looking sad?

ME: Because I am sad. Once again its obvious you aren't going to spend any time with DS or me this weekend. I just don't understand.

HIM (violently flinging things into his daypack): I am NOT going to let you do this!!!

ME: Do what??

HIM: Ruin my day.

He storms out, is gone until 10pm or so. Later I find out he was never out with the guys, or out hiking. It was all time spent with the OW, of course.

Lots of other similar scenarios took place. What do you guys think? Is this PA?


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 866 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, June 28th (Friday)

No, gypsybird, not P/A; asshole comes to mind, but possibly cover aggressive. It's scary--google and read about it.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20227 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
NoTriangles
Member
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Yikes! You all had it even worse that I did. But I'll still play.

Second False R (April 2012) .... after he had told me, with flowing tears and snot bubbles, that he had ended it with TroutFace, and that he was so sorry and that he had been missing me every day and would DO ANYTHING for a chance for us ...... and then I busted him spending the night with her. I texted him the following morning something like "Well, now I guess I know the truth."

He replied to me, still trying to play both sides of the fence, with ..... you guessed it .... a dick pic. And some "this is for you" nonsense. (He'd exlucded his face but the juvenile drunk-and-age-17 red devil tattto on his groin was unmistakeable.)

I said "Oh that's nice. Maybe I'll forward it to Troutface at troutface@hotmail.com"

He replied "Ha ha that would be funny."

Don't goad a betrayed woman, Pigfucker.

So I did. With the title "This is what your 'boyfriend' sent to me after he was done with you this morning."

I arrived at work to a one word e-mail from him: "Why?"

Followed by a text: "You ruined our chances to be together again."

Sure. Okay, buddy. My bad. Whatever.

And then this randomness two days ago: "Do you think we could travel together again someday? We were really good at that."

He got crickets.

It really is insanity.


Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
Missymomma
Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 28th (Friday)

O.k. Mine isn't with my husband but with a friend that seems to be NPD. We had a discussion several months ago where I told her I didn't want to associate with her while she was having an affair. She said she was stopping and going to therapy. Then left me an angry VM and we met to talk about it.

Her: I feel judged by you.

Me: I am not going to be exposed to your affair and neither are my children. That is a boundary.

Her: I am not sleeping with him anymore.

Me: Really, someone told me they saw you two together 3 weeks ago behaving inappropriately.

Her: I have never been inappropriate in public. Besides, I have now hired him to work for me as my daughter's Nanny. We aren't sleeping together anymore.

Me: What?

Her: Oh, you can call my husband. Here's the phone. Nothing is going on.

Me: I don't believe you. You stated on the VM that "he makes you happy!"

Her: Well, he does make me happy. That is why I hired him to help with my daughter. My husband and I have come to an agreement.

Me: So, you have come to an agreement or nothing is going on?

Her: Oh, nothing is going on.

Really, just crazy. Who hires their male AP to look after their little girl? Needless to say, I am no longer interested in being friends. I had been distancing myself, hence I got the angry VM leading to this talk.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Thanks, Sad. I looked up covert aggressive and that does sound more right. XWH was manipulative but never shy about expressing anger with me. One time I questioned purchasing a coat he had selected for DS. It was a very nice coat, but expensive, and I didn't think leather was the best choice for a 17yo boy walking home from school in Oregon. (rain, rain RAIN!). XWH had a hissy fit, right there in the JC Penneys. Flung the coat down, threw down the other items he'd chosen and started complaining how I NEVER support his choices, NEVER want to spend money on the kids, blah blah blah. I was so shocked and embarrassed.

And yeah, DS got the $80 leather coat... and yeah, XWH got his shirt and tie and other crap, and I yeah, I paid for all of it and bought nothing for myself.

Sometimes I look back and think, who WAS that dumb chick putting up with all that guy's crap??


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 866 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, June 28th (Friday)

I don't really think my STBX is PA. He's just aggressive in a "whatever the hell will make her feel like crap and/or do what I want" kind of way. I also don't know if he's exactly NPD, but he's certainly not entirely normal, because normal people don't act like this, and he and OW, the social worker, can pontificate all damn day about how normal they are and I'm not, but I have one word for that bullshit, and it's the only word anyone is going to care about: ACTIONS.

So, not sure if I exactly meet the criteria for this thread, but I have dealt with my fair share of ridiculousness, so I'll play.

This first one was actually OW, not STBX, since he didn't respond to this. Recorded convo btwn OW and STBX, apparently discussing my posts here on SI, since I don't know what else they could be talking about:

OW: But she's still stalking you. She's still talking about this girl as of today. She is crazy.

Erm, so as they were reading my posts every day, she was accusing me of a stalking him because I looked at the fb page of *someone else* based on a friend telling me I should check out how much her kid looked like mine? Because I sort of think covertly following me online qualifies more as "stalking", but hey, accuse me of what you're actually doing. People can't help it if they have no self-awareness, I guess.

And back in October, this happened after I came home from a little birthday thing my neighbors had for me:

STBX (angry that he wasn't invited?): You have no shame, Coraline, no shame. Blah, blah, blah, Coraline sucks. You must think I'm the lowest of the low. Blah, blah, blah, Coraline is the worst person ever. You're the lowest of the low, Coraline, the lowest of the low.

Uh, yes, approximately 98 seconds after accusing me of thinking that about him, acting as if it were shocking that I would think such a thing, before I was even finished thinking, "Actually, you're accusing me of what you're thinking about me," he then verified that yes, that was actually just what he thought about me. I couldn't even make that shit up if I tried. It wouldn't occur to me because my mind doesn't go those places. However, if I ever decide to write a book, I now have the inner workings of his mind down pretty well, and I could definitely work him in. Wouldn't it be sweet if I could turn this into a profitable endeavor? lol

[This message edited by Coraline at 8:13 PM, June 28th (Friday)]


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dumped&replaced
Member
Member # 34288
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Hey friends..I am so happy I started this thread last night and thanks soooo much to every one of you who shared...I NEVER thought I'd be able to say this but being 2 years out has mellowed me and I really believe laughter is a huge part of the healing process...

I would like to ask the moderators of this site if they would consider putting the "comedy" thing on it's own forum.. We could just do the play by play, NO emotion , few details.. just the "hey can u top this?" stuff hahaha.. cuz this got a lot of responses and LAUGHTER truly is the best medicine.

That being said here's one last nugget I should have posted last night but forgot:

Background: this is fall 2011...divorce filed but EX still lives at home with me & younger son, oldest son off at college..he is still f*ing MOW at every opportunity

Me: I really hope you will continue to support your kids financially...yeah PA state law says they are legal adults but they can't support themselves til they graduate

him: well of course I will support them. ...How can you even ASK me that? YOU ARE QUESTIONING MY CORE VALUES

me: You have been having a sexual/emotional relationship with another women for at least a year that I can prove. DID U JUST ASK ME HOW I CAN QUESTION YOUR CORE VALUES? think about it.................

him: I just can't believe you don't trust me on my core values


HAHAHAHAHAHA Really????

Laugh on my friends....and let's continue to share the truly comical parts of all this hell that none of us ever asked for but we found ourselves right straight in the middle of:):)

PS I was deadnuts right on....it's been TWO years...he has given our sons MAYBE (being generous here) a total of $100 each...very randomly...

What goes around comes around right? I hope when HE needs help they remember how much he was there for them...one of them is on his path to be a doctor, the other is an Engineering student

oh screw that - they are their mother's kids...they will do the right thing ALWAYS.........including supporting the sperm donor if he needs it...when will the KARMA BUS be stopping by????



Dday: 8/22/11
Divorce final: 10/6/12 - my 22nd wedding anniversary
Married: 21 years, together 23 years
BS: 51
WS: 47
2 awesome sons, ages 19 & 20

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: PA
dumped&replaced
Member
Member # 34288
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, June 28th (Friday)

Hey friends..I am so happy I started this thread last night and thanks soooo much to every one of you who shared...I NEVER thought I'd be able to say this but being 2 years out has mellowed me and I really believe laughter is a huge part of the healing process...

I would like to ask the moderators of this site if they would consider putting the "comedy" thing on it's own forum.. We could just do the play by play, NO emotion , few details.. just the "hey can u top this?" stuff hahaha.. cuz this got a lot of responses and LAUGHTER truly is the best medicine.

That being said here's one last nugget I should have posted last night but forgot:

Background: this is fall 2011...divorce filed but EX still lives at home with me & younger son, oldest son off at college..he is still f*ing MOW at every opportunity....right down the street from our marital home

Me: I really hope you will continue to support your kids financially...yeah PA state law says they are legal adults but they can't support themselves til they graduate college

him: well of course I will support them. ...How can you even ASK me that? YOU ARE QUESTIONING MY CORE VALUES

me: You have been having a sexual/emotional relationship with another women for at least a year that I can prove. DID U JUST ASK ME HOW I CAN QUESTION YOUR CORE VALUES? think about it.................

him: I just can't believe you don't trust me on my core values


HAHAHAHAHAHA Really????

Laugh on my friends....and let's continue to share the truly comical parts of all this hell that none of us ever asked for but we found ourselves right straight in the middle of:):)

PS I was deadnuts right on....it's been TWO years...he has given our sons MAYBE (being generous here) a total of $100 each...very randomly...

What goes around comes around right? I hope when HE needs help they remember how much he was there for them...one of them is on his path to be a doctor, the other is an Engineering student

oh screw that - they are their mother's kids...they will do the right thing ALWAYS.........including supporting the sperm donor if he needs it...when will the KARMA BUS be stopping by????



Dday: 8/22/11
Divorce final: 10/6/12 - my 22nd wedding anniversary
Married: 21 years, together 23 years
BS: 51
WS: 47
2 awesome sons, ages 19 & 20

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: PA
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, June 29th (Saturday)

wrong thread

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:55 AM, June 29th (Saturday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1261 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

Just remembered this rare gem..Approx one month after kicking out my oh so remorseful husband, I had what I *thought* was going to be a talk about what was going on that would lead to something positive. Oh how naive of me.

Him: You just wanted me to stop being with her so I can be single like you!

Me: Whaaaaaaa....

Him: No, no, no, no, no listen to yourself. Do you hear how selfish that is? You just want to me to be single like you.

(This fool really thought he had just made a good point!)

Me: What in the hell?!?...you are not a single man! You are MARRIED! I am MARRIED! I want you to stop cheating on me!! I'm your wife!!!

Him: (insert my name), this isn't going anywhere. You keep bringing up the past. You can't get over the past and that's why we are here."

One of his DUMBEST statements to date.

Every time he says something dumb and I respond with a little dose of logic/reality he IMMEDIATELY shifts the conversation to how everything is "the past". Every. Single. Time. That man's brain in permanently stuck on stupid.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

XH was all worked up, screaming, acting like a child & not getting the desired response, says 'you have no integrity'.

I don't respond, he repeats it.

V: 'you mean like your mistress?'

XH: 'yes, she has integrity. unlike you'


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 756 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
dumped&replaced
Member
Member # 34288
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

XH use to snore really bad but would get pissed if I woke him up to make him stop. One night when he was snoring I got up and went into the spare bedroom. He woke up a bit later and was pissed because he didn't know where I was and didn't like that I
wasn't in bed.
When I told him I was in there because he was snoring he said I should have woken him up.

That made me laugh too...WOW - can't even count the number of times this happened during our marriage...only I didn't HAVE a spare bedroom...so he would finally move to a downstairs couch screaming at me about what a BIT** I was the entire time....

AHHHHHH... thanks for sharing - I am going to bed with a giant smile on my face right now, and thanking GOD that I no longer have to put up with that crap and Never will again!!! ThankyaLord:)

One more "share": this is more about the Narcissist side than the P/A side but mind blowing nonetheless.

OK , about 2 months after Dday I am with our youngest son looking at colleges...DS tells me that about a conversation he had with his father:

EX: I am so sorry about the timing of this...I didn't want to hurt you. I was going to wait until next year when we dropped YOU off at college...and THEN tell your mother I wanted a divorce

DS: Really Dad? You were gonna string her along for another year and drop that bomb on her after her youngest left?

Ex: well sure, I wanted to do that for YOU...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! LMAO...here's dumbass thinking he's scoring points with the kid, when all my son could think (and this is what he told me and I WISH he would have told his dad but my kids are not honest with him, they've seen the fallout")

OMG!!! What kind of a monster would DO THAT???


Meaning, continue to screw around behind his wife's back, pretend to be "working on the marriage" and then tell her after the nest is empty - "hey, your replacement is all lined up and I am OUTTA HERE...".


hahaha - me and DS still laugh about that one sometimes...THANK GOD my kids know right from wrong...

Good night SI'ers...keep fighting the good fight...better things are in store:)


Dday: 8/22/11
Divorce final: 10/6/12 - my 22nd wedding anniversary
Married: 21 years, together 23 years
BS: 51
WS: 47
2 awesome sons, ages 19 & 20

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: PA
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, June 29th (Saturday)

I've got another one...

6 months after Dday and S. WH (now X) needed relatively minor surgery. He'd never been put under, and I agreed to take him... (cause... I'm an idiot, I guess.)

Anyway, after surgery I drive him home. He tries to put his arm around me, and I move away. He gets pissed - tells me he doesn't need my help: "You call me selfish but you are the selfish one! You only came with me so you could feel good about yourself - doing the right thing!!"


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, June 30th (Sunday)

My XWH is massively PA. He would frequently "set me up". The last notable time was on our way to an appointment in a tight time frame. On the way, we got caught in a hailstorm and had to pull off under trees to protect the vehicle.
After several minutes it subsided, but WH just sat there silently at the wheel. Minutes passed. I waited, knowing it was dangerous to say anything. Finally I said," gee it's hardly hailing at all now" ( hint hint)
No response. Whatsoever.
Another 10 min goes by in dead silence, WH staring straight ahead. Now we are VERY late. I try " well honey, it's only raining now and the accountant has to leave in ten minutes. maybe we could go?"

He jammed the SUV into gear and went careening down the rainflooded road driving like a maniac - I seriously thought we were going to
flip the vehicle.
Me: WHAT are you doing??!!
Him- yelling: I'm going to the accountants because YOU said to! Ars you happy now??! You have to control everything! I couldn't possibly make a decision- it always has to be you that knows best! You won't even let me choose my own socks!!

( two months prior I had giggled briefly in spite of myself when he came out wearing white socks folded down over black ones -in his sandals. (who does that? ) I never said he couldn't wear them. And he did. )

Typical. Don't do anything and then be mad when I do. Story of my life.

[This message edited by trebleclef at 12:59 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, June 30th (Sunday)

I've been having a hard time labeling my POS, and frankly I'm tired of trying to figure it out. For now, I'm going with NPD, physically and emotionally abusive, sexually inappropriate, manipulating, alienating, lower muppet, devil from hell with MAJOR family of origin issues who forces the kids to keep secrets..

But since I've had almost the exact same conversations as some of the ones I've read here, I'll play.

Just after finding out I was in false R as he took the A underground using the chat feature on a word game on his phone:

STBX: You stupid bitch. I was trying to make it work with you. This is never going to work since you don't trust me.

Me: Crickets.

STBX: I'm sorry Butterfly!! I was just confused!! I love you and want to make this work. I just didn't want to lose both of you!

Me: Crickets, followed by filing for divorce.


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2249 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Bravenewgirl
Member
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 30th (Sunday)

WH: We should get start living a healthier lifestyle.

Me: Agreed, why don't you go to the gym and when you get back, I'll go to yoga at 10:30?

WH: Okay (proceeds to play Angry Birds until 10:15)

Me: Okay, I am leaving for yoga now.

WH: You are SO SELFISH! I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO THE GYM YET. Its all about you!!

Me: Okay, why don't you go when I get back from yoga.

WH: You know I can't work out in the afternoon! (what?, why the hell not?) You are so selfish!

________

WH: We should start eating better.

Me: yes, we should

WH: look, I bought these oreos for you.

(okay, this one is a condensed version of a scene that played out a gazillion times, where he would sabotage all my efforts at self-improvement. My being fat helped him justify the A).


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
npain
Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Gotta put my 2 cents in with this one...
So STBX refuses to stop his affair and acts outraged when I kicked him out. He has since paid not one cent on the mortgage or anything else connected to the house saying that "he has to live". So the tenants downstairs move out and I promply replace them. One day he brings the kids back after visitation and he has the nerve to say to me "What are they paying?". I told him that "it doesn't matter as long as the mortgage is paid". Then he says to me " I don't like the kind of people you have around my children (translate: male). I replied " This coming from the person who brought his whore to babysit our kids ? " He then replied "What does that have to do with anything? Are you going to bring this up all the time..it isn't relevant".

He got crickets on that one...I couldn't see how he could miss the relevance--he brought the woman he already had been sleeping with for over a year to babysit our kids as a live-in babysitter but cannot see how that isn't relevant to their well being now?

[This message edited by npain at 3:45 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
newnormal
Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

These stories are so funny! Someone should publish then as illustrations of npd, non remorse, candy dropping unicorn behaviors.

My latest:
Following back and forth debate on qdro and a few other language details in the separation agreement (read: stbx cant do simple math) where we are both at a mutual safe public location:
Stbx: Do you want to get ice cream now?
Nn: no thanks
Stbx: well, after the D is final maybe someday we can go on a date and who knows what can happen.

Thats right, im D you so we can date.


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

^^^ Wow!

Stbx: well, after the D is final maybe someday we can go on a date and who knows what can happen.

Umm, did you tell him that YOU knew exactly what could happen?


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, June 30th (Sunday)

Several years ago the kids & I all had the stomach flu, the kind where you can't keep anything down and you have uncontrollable urges from both ends, if you know what I mean (and I bet you do). So I was taking care of the children by myself while also being sick, STBX kept himself fully isolated from us so he wouldn't get sick. Fair enough. Wouldn't want him to miss work, right?

But when the weekend rolled around, uh oh, now STBX is sick, too. He needs me to bring him meals in bed (which means I go up/down an extra flight of stairs to accomplish this in our 3-floor home). He needs me to help him to the shower. He needs me to fluff his pillows (truly, he needed me to plump them up so he could rest). All the while me & the kids were STILL puking and pooping and extremely ill. I realized I was spending an awful lot of time caring for STBX, who was lying there in bed crying in agony.

Funny thing was, I never heard any sounds of vomiting, nor did I detect any odor. Hmmmmm... Meanwhile I have the washer & dryer going constantly for me & the kids. Hmmmmm...

So finally on Sunday night as I've already collapsed once from exhaustion & dehydration, I ask STBX as he lay there weakly in bed, "Are you sure you're sick?"

WH - I have what you have! What you all have! You made me sick! I'm going to miss work tomorrow because of you!

Me - Well, you still seem able to eat. How much have you been vomiting back up?

WH - I haven't vomited anything.

Me - I thought you said you had what we had?

WH - I do! I'M SICK, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

Me - Have you vomited?

WH - No.

Me - Are you shitting your guts out?

WH - No.

Me - Then how are you sick like us?

WH - I feel nauseous! Can't you see that?

Me - You feel nauseous? But you're still able to eat normally and you aren't actually vomiting nor do you have diarrhea. You're just naseous? NASEOUS?

WH - Yes, I don't feel well!

Me - I'm so sick I've passed out today, trying to take care of you and the children. I haven't eaten since Thursday. The kids are dehydrated because they can't keep water down. But you're insisting I bring you regular meals & snacks on a tray so you can watch TV in bed all weekend???

WH - That's what a good Christian wife would do. That's what your mother would do for your father.

Me - I'm not bringing you anything else tonight. You're not sick. Don't tell me you're sick. You're just jealous of the attention I've been giving the kids.

=========

Guess who was miraculously better the next day & able to go to work? And who never was sick? Bastard!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
whatdoto
Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 1st (Monday)

WH and I had a little blow up Sat. evening. I packed a bag. DS saw me, so he packed a bag for himself. I got the 2 dogs and DS and jumped into the truck and left for town. Stayed in a hotel.

DS and I return home next morning. Go thru our day and I'm making supper. I'm looking for the cast iron skillet because I'm making cornbread to go with homemade soup. I ask WH "where's the cast iron skillet?". He leaves and walks to our room. He appears from our closet........ with the skillet in his hand. WTF?

I said "why is it in the closet?" He says "I got a little crazy last night."

Huh? So you hide the skillet?

Anyway, took a look around the room and see that he has removed other objects and hid them.

That's what he does people. He's a hoarder of stuff, and hides them like they are squirrel nuts.

Also, we ran out of TP in the bathroom, so I go out to the guest BR and get a few rolls. Went to put one on the holder and see that WH found a roll and hid it under the commode. Think he's pissed?

Oh, and he wants me to change my mind, he wants me to get the courthouse to unfile the petition so the local gossip newspaper won't print the D, actually all he's said all weekend is what HE wants.

Geez.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Oh my gosh - is this the new mysterious items in the garage thread? Was it NG's or Tesla's husband who use to hide things on her in the garage? And someone else - her husband hid her jewelry at his office....

"I'll hide the toilet paper - that will get her!" Lordie people are weirdo's!!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Okay, I'll play.

Was going through POS's horde of boxes to try to reorganize and make family room presentable (after five years of him ignoring it and saying he would get to it). As I was going through umpteen zillion papers, found a receipt for a down payment on a $25k Harley Davidson motorcycle as well as a receipt for over $2k in furniture that ended up being given to OW#2. I knew nothing about either purchase, and hid those receipts away for future evidence.

Fast forward to May 2013, when we are still antagonistic about working out the distribution of assets. I sent him a copy of both those receipts and demanded to know their disposition, otherwise their value would be added to his side of the distribution as assets. He was furious and said he did not have to ask me permission for anything and he did not have to justify anything to me. I told him that was fine and the value would be credited to him regardless of their whereabouts (I happen to know he has neither in his possession).

Fast forward to our blow up in mid-June where he accused me a violating his privacy by going through his personal stuff (his horde) for the "sole purpose of looking for stuff to use against him." He also said, "I would never think of going through your stuff like that."

My response, "Well, I wouldn't care if you did go through my stuff because I have nothing to hide from my spouse, and I never would have ever considered spending money in those amounts without discussing it with my spouse first!"

His response: Dead silence... he still does not feel that he did anything wrong...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1137 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

WH (now X) needed relatively minor surgery.

This reminded me of another story that I had completely forgotten. XH and I had been married for about 6 months and he had to have knee surgery which was suppose to be an outpatient procedure but the doctors screwed it up. He ended up with compartmentalization (all the water they put in to expand the knee joint ended up in his thigh and they had to cut 3 2inch incisions to let the water out. I'm not denying that it was extremely painful but his true character showed through for the first time.

After the long surgery and time in recovery (where they have given him tons of morphine) he is being wheeled up to the hospital room when I see him for the first time. I, trying to be the caring, concerned wife who has already been freaking out for several hours after being told the surgery didn't go as planned, ask him how he is feelings/what I can do and he says to me in the nastiest, you're scum of the earth, I wish you would die way "how do you fucking think I feel". All of the nurses, doctors, my parents and his parents are horrified by the hatred that comes through his voice and I can see the pity on their faces as they stand there stunned.

At the time I shrugged it off thinking that everyone can be an asshole when they are in so much pain. I didn't realize until last year when I ended up in the ER(cut halfway through my finger, severed a nerve and nicked a tendon)that it was his true character that had shown though that day. Instead of being an asshole when I was in the ER, waiting for the hand surgeon to examine my hand before they could give me pain killer or stitch it up, I was cracking jokes and being as polite as ever.

WH: We should start eating better.

Me: yes, we should

WH: look, I bought these oreos for you.

XH use to do this all the time. He would say that we needed to eat healthier or start working out while in the same breath asking me to bring him some fast food to have lunch with him at work. He would also try to imply that I was the one who needed to lose weight (I even believed him at one point) when in reality I was actually too skinny and he was just trying to impose his poor body images on me to make me feel bad about myself too.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
cletuswv
Member
Member # 37463
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

So my WW is in her second affair and actually moving out today...On Saturday night she went out with "friends" and we have a rule you cannot come at night when partying...So she usually stays with friend

She came home at 9AM hungover in the same close from the night before. Last straw for me.

ME...I know for a fact you left the bar with him

WW...Why? Who told you? Was it so and so or so and so?

ME: no you just did?

WW: Real nice, trick me into telling the truth

ME: Would not have gotten it any other way


Me: BH 40
Her: WW 35
DDay #1: 9/28/2012
TT until:
DDay #2: 1/03/2013
2.5 yr LTA EA/PA
Dday #3 6/19/2013 OM #2
DD 4
DS 7
She moved out on 7/2/2013

Posts: 94 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: The best Virginia
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

Stbx: well, after the D is final maybe someday we can go on a date and who knows what can happen.

On DD, I got: We can get M'd again after we get D'd.

This being the next sentence after "I have to fuck OW, she makes me feel good about myself".


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 756 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)

These are just hilarious!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Sagittarius01
Member
Member # 33643
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Ok my turn. This actually happened last week.

He made dinner for us. He made porkchops and mutton. I, truthfully, do not care for mutton one bit. But, I was a trooper and tried some to make him happy. I doused it in BBQ sauce which turned out pretty good, I was so proud of myself for being a good sport. So I'm chugging along taking my time, and I was actually chowing down because it was good. 10 minutes pass and he suddenly says:

Him: I know you don't fucking like it just stop eating it!

Me: (with a mouthful of meat)

Him: (shouting) You never compliment me, you always criticize my cooking, nit-pick and don't eat it!

Me: You *clearly* see me eating this right? It's good!

Him: STOP FUCKING EATING IT!

I put down the meat and just sit there shocked because I didn't do or say anything to criticize him. He spent the next 15 minutes telling me I'm selfish.

So now it's been 5 days that I've complimented his cooking. Yes, he's keeping count.


Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: AZ
Elaine2012
Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, July 5th (Friday)

I didn't think I had one because we had such little interaction after dday (hard 180).

But one came to mind after reading some today. The dishwasher had been broken for several months. I had told him about it and he was capable of fixing it but chose not to. I didn't talk about it since I didn't have money to fix it and he was choosing not to spend "his money" to fix or buy a by a new one. I just did the dishes by hand.

So after dday and I knew that he was D me and wanted to sell the house I came home from church and he proudly tells me "I fixed the dishwasher!" He figured it out by talking to a repair man and all it needed was a cleaning. Mind you I had already started 180 so we had had very little interaction.

I just looked at him and walked away. I didn't think it needed any response.

A few weeks later he inquired if I had used the dishwasher. "No" he then starts to get huffy and says "why because I fixed it". I calmly replied no because there were so few dishes to wash I just did them by hand.

Because of SI I had learned about the buttons he had installed and that was the day I became aware of his hook and that this was his MO to triggering my buttons.

Pre-Dday I would have walked into the trap of arguing with him about it. And made him feel better about himself because of the "poor me" you don't appreciate anything I do for you and this family.

I'm so glad to not have these interactions anymore.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, July 5th (Friday)

x: "You sent the kids here with lice just to spite me! how dare you. So, I'm taking $34.50 off medical co pays I owe you"

Um ok if I KNEW they had lice I would have treated them, not 'sent them to him' with lice just for kicks.

x, during the marriage "What should we do about xyz? "(translation: you figure it out I don't want responsibility)
I made a decision about xyz he wasn't willing to contribute to discussion at all.
xyz goes wrong.
x: "How could you have been so stupid, why did you decide xyz?!"


Posts: 4703 | Registered: Dec 2009
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 5th (Friday)

XWH really wanted to reconcile (after ignoring my attempts to want to R in the beginning.)

Background: he couldn't get a job in the city where we lived (Shocking! Employers don't want to hire you if you're screwing co-workers instead of taking care of your patients!), I'd just started a new, high-paying job, and he'd accepted a job 3-4 hours away, where I'd have no friends, family, or support system. Oh, and I put him through medical school/residency/fellowship, and he was just about to make a doctor's salary.

Against my better judgment, I said I would R -- but only if he signed a post-nup where he'd make up the difference between the job I'd be giving up for him and whatever job I found later on if I had to divorce him for infidelity. If he remained faithful, this would never come into play.

He refused, stating that it was punitive, and that I should just trust him to be faithful I therefore declined to try to R, which was the best decision I could have made.

Other funny remarks include the fact that I've ruined him for all future commitments (he claimed to never want to get married, buy a house, or have a pet again because of me )

And that I was so terrible and he had to cheat because I liked to read and I saved for retirement. (Note: he didn't mind taking my retirement money in the divorce!)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
Runningaway
Member
Member # 30707
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, July 5th (Friday)

Conversation I had with xh after I had told him things weren't working and I wanted him to move out.

Me - you don't act like you want to be married.

xh - I told you I wanted to be married. This is VERY important to me.

Me - Actions speak louder than words. You lie all the time. Your words mean nothing to me. Your actions tell me you want to be single.

xh - That's not fair! If I had known you would start judging me by my actions I would have acted differently!

He was pissed. Ranted for awhile. Like I pulled one over on him by not believing every lie that came out of his mouth. Crazy.

My other favorite is:

xh - you have to take me back, no one else wants me b/c I can't have anymore children.

True story.


What doesn't kill us makes us smaller. - Mario

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Canada
honesttoafault
Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, July 5th (Friday)

I love this thread!! I think reading real life examples of the craziness really helps us.

There are so many, but one that stands out:

Me: Why?
WH: Because you were always depressed, you are too loose "down there", and you were suspicious.

Me: Crickets

WH: Well.....maybe you had a reason to be suspicious



Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
Bravenewgirl
Member
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 6th (Saturday)

That's not fair! If I had known you would start judging me by my actions I would have acted differently!

Oh. My. God.

Where is the mouth hanging open emoticon?


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

That's not fair! If I had known you would start judging me by my actions I would have acted differently!

Cunning little snakes - all our fault, right?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Mandilwen
Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

My xh has some traits of an npd, but I don't think he is, just stupid I guess. After all these years, I will share my favorite. Little backstory, he was stationed overseas for 13 months during his affair, we had previously discussed a separation. This was about 6 months after DDay during false r...

XH: I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

Me: If you weren't in love with me, then why not let me know so I could have started dating as well?

XH: That wouldn't be fair!

Me: Are you shitting me?

That little convo helped me see that his brain is seriously not wired right, lol. I was pregnant at that time, but filed soon after the baby was born. Never regretted it.


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 6th (Saturday)

XH: I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

Me: If you weren't in love with me, then why not let me know so I could have started dating as well?

XH: That wouldn't be fair!

Me: Are you shitting me?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Celticlass
Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, July 12th (Friday)

This happened just today! I printed out a series of text messages where he was talking with the OW about meeting at a local hotel after he called & lied to me about where he was. I took the print outs to him and confronted him.

A couple of hours later, he sends me a text saying Celticlass, how could you think I was going to get a hotel room, I don't have any money! My response, read your print out....crackerjack hotel, room 124, bring sex toys, lube,and prepare to be fucked......guess that's not a reason to get a room! What a moron!




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
realitybites
Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Me: Can you follow me to the dealership? I have to drop my car off for service.

(can't go to a car dealership w/out him wanting to look at cars we cannot afford)

Him: I will be right behind you. I say sure. (which gives me time to check in the car)

He shows up right as I am walking out, which is perfect timing, and I go to get into his car. He says "Wait, I want to go and look at SUV's" I say that I am all done and ready to go. He gets mad says fine and we leave.

Of course now we have to go back and pick up my now finished car. I tell him he just has to drop me off and I will go in and pay and be done.

Him: As he drops me off....I want to go and look at SUV's....I say you can do what you want but I am done once I pay for my car. He gets MAD....says FINE and drives way too fast out of the dealership after I get out of the car.

He wants a new car but won't do any of the work to get financials together and wants something also that we can't afford. So I don't do anything for him and he pouts and will do the P/A thing and keep talking about how he needs a new car but won't do anything about it.


Posts: 5661 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
thenon-goddess
Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Okay, I've got one...several months old, but still funny...

I was telling WH the M was over and I wanted him to move out. He stalled for several weeks, would say he was working on it and night after night goes by where he sits his ass in his recliner, ignores the kids and me, and expects sex and meals served to him in his chair. I finally lost my shit on him one night and we had a huge fight. It was going no where (one of those fights where he talks in circles and contradicts himself) so I say I'm done and get on my iPad and ignore. He continues to sit there and bitch at me and when I won't reply to him he send me an e-mail with a link to an article about how spouses diagnosing their partners with personality disorders is ruining marriages! I had told him he was a narcissist and he was pissed at me!

Ummm...the M is over because *I* am done with YOU! Have you not understood that for the past two weeks I have been asking you to get the hell out?!


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Feb 2011
whyohwhyohwhy
Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 12th (Friday)

within a day or so of D-day....

x was ranting about why he did it...every excuse under the sun....I don't clean, I'm a terrible cook, I don't do this etc.....he was going off for probably about 1/2 an hour, until I finally just said "I'm not buying any of this crap."

He then says "I've been telling you about why I did this for over a half an hour, and you won't even listen! You're such a narcissist!"

I swear I was dumbfounded....


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
Weatherly
Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I have a couple from this week alone.

I am remarried and recently got the boys dog tags from a military museum. With both the names they go by on the first line, and MY last name on the 2nd line. We travel a lot, if they were to get lost somewhere, I wanted people to be able to easily know who they were/who to get ahold of. With an uncommon last name and a child with a lisp, I was kind of proud of this. They were so excited about this, and showed their father. I figured he'd get mad and I explained I used both names, and I even had reason to. The kids left for the week with him. We get the kids back, have a couple days with them. Monday morning my H (Aussie) leaves for work, and the texts from X begin. (because, he is always VERY nice when my H is around.)

X-"You can't use Aussie's last name on things for the kids."

Me-"Yes I can, I already explained this to you."

X-"They have a father, you can't just replace me because you think you've moved on."

silence from me

X-"Don't put his last name on things for MY kids."

Me-"It's MY last name."

X-"I don't give a shit, you better never put Aussie's last name on things for them again." (Really? Never? So, you want me to remove Aussie's last name from the health insurance through HIS work, that HE pays for, unreimbursed from their father?)

X-"I called my lawyer and she said you can't do that. It is illegal to use anything but their legal names and you can't put Aussie's name on anything." (Dude, they were dog tags...I can put DS9 Trashcan BananaFace on it if I feel like it.)

Me-"Then call the police. And, since you are so concerned about legalities, I'm sure your lawyer informed you our divorce decree states that you have to tell me where you take them when you leave the state. I'm so glad to see you'll oblige without any hassle. We really need to do things the legal way."

X-"Whatever, you're a bitch. And, since we have joint custody, I expect the same from you before you take my kids."

Me "Ok, thanks, bye."

X-You got that?"

Silence

X- You have to tell me

Silence

X- Whatever Weatherly, I'm tired of your shit and i'm done arguing with you.

Funny thing...when we did the divorce settlement, he was damn sure to read the financial stuff and make sure he could claim the kids every other year on taxes. But, that is where the reading stopped apparently, because...I have sole legal and physical custody, and he doesn't even know it.

Then, a couple days later, I get "I need you to tell me your full name, birthday, where you were born, when we got married and divorced, for my passport bullshit."

Really? You're an ass to me and expect me to help you? I am not your secretary. And, I don't even get a please? That was last night, and as I write this he is calling me. Really?


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4487 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
cdagal
Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 12th (Friday)

We went through a period where he was running up bills through the roof and purchasing expensive items. Long and short of it - all the bills and the accounts were mostly in my name and so I entered into a debt management plan to clear up everything - trashed my credit rating for a period of time.

Many years later, we're renewing our mortgage - not getting the best rate because of the former DMP.

Him - My credit rating is perfect. You're the problem. It's all your fault

Me - Ummmm, wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been running up the bills

Him - You're always trying to control me. You never let me spend anything!

Fast forward to today - he gets to say that to his new wife and I get to sleep well at night knowing that my bank balances only change when I say so.


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Selkie
Member
Member # 22595
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 12th (Friday)

Soon after I filed we had this convo..

Him: I dont want you dating anyone else while you have DD (I have sole physical atm) you just are not a good judge of character..

Me: .....

Me: ..... *biting tongue hard*.. (trying to not say the obvious comeback and start world war three)..

Me: Um well, I know you will have DD around OW when she visits how can I be sure..

Him: (Interrupting) I have always been a VERY good judge of character you can trust her...fact is I will even let you interview her..

Me: ....

Me: Um, well thanks I will talk to you later then..

DD Never did visit him, so the ..erm..interview process proved unnecessary


Posts: 233 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: USA
eyesrnowopen
Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

In MC
WH: "I only had my affair because you had your affair with your computer and worked all the time"
ME: "Was that before or after you lost all of our money, put us in debt and lost your job?"


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 98 | Registered: Apr 2013
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

This thread should be pinned to the top.

I have another one. This happened a few months after our divorce was final. Unknown to me at the time, my XH and the OW had been married a few weeks. I found out about their marriage 2 years later. They had gotten married in another state.

We had been arguing on the phone about money he owed. He wanted to take the kids to a family reunion the OW's family was having. The kids weren't supposed to be around her at that time.

The conversation went something like this.

Me: The kids aren't supposed to be around the crazy whore.

Him: Don't talk about my girlfriend like that!

Me: Why not? It's the truth!

He: She's my girlfriend. I left you because you didn't do what I say. She does what I tell her and I can control her. (He said that lmao!)

Me: Let's see, I kicked your ass out of the house and filed for divorce. You didn't leave me dumbass.As for her, I will refer to her any way I want.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
Bravenewgirl
Member
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

"I need you to tell me your full name, birthday, where you were born, when we got married and divorced, for my passport bullshit."

It boggles the mind that a ex-husband would need to check with his ex-wife for this information. Did he have a lobotomy along with the divorce? Sheesh, Weatherly, I don't know how you stand it!

This thread is awesome.


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
Bravenewgirl
Member
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

For months after d-day, we would have this exact conversation as I got ready to go grocery shopping in the evening, usually dressed in sweatpants and a pony tail:

WH: Where are you really going?

Me: Grocery shopping. See my list and shopping bags?

WH: Are you going to meet someone?

Me: I am not the cheater around here.

WH: Where are you really going?

Me: If I was cheating, do you really think I would go meet my boyfriend looking like this?

WH: Its a good cover

Me: You would know.

He would then proceed to text me throughout the grocery shopping trip and quizz me when I got home 45 minutes later laden with groceries. Yes, WH, I bought food for the family and then stopped off for a 15 second sex session with my imaginary AP. Idiot.


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

Bravenewgirl, I sell things on Ebay. I schedule pick ups instead of going to the post office. So the mailman was always picking something up. I also do most of my shopping online so sometimes the ups guy would show up.

My XH would jokingly accuse me of having sex with both of them.

Right before or after he would accuse me, he would joke about having a girlfriend.

At first I thought it was just a joke because he was like that but then he started getting serious. Wasn't quite laughing or smiling when he said it. I started noticing other things though. I started thinking he may not be joking.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
Elaine2012
Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I just remembered another one! After dday I felt the need to meet with WH and our clergyman so that he could be accountable for his actions. Much to my surprise he agreed to go.

Our pastor asked WH what his reasons were for us "splitting up" (WH term for divorce). WH jumped into a long drawn out explanation about how I didn't like his hobby that often involved at minimum 20 hours outside of his full time job. He never understood the idea of balance for family time as part of his life. Minimized involvement of the OW "there is another woman involved" Blah, blah, blah...


I had gone in armed with the idea that whatever he said didn't matter because he chose to have an affair and destroy our marriage. So after he is finished with his long drawn out "justified" reasons for his affair I said something along the lines that his reasons didn't matter he betrayed me and our vows of a forever marriage, that there is no excuse for cheating. He then says "see she never listens to anything I say".

I have since learned that he is most likely NPD and went so he could make sure he didn't look bad.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
katiesmom
Member
Member # 39074
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I've got a few.

This conversation was right before he walked out..he had no idea I was about to confront him about the phone records between him and OW ( I had over a hundred pages printed out going back several months):
Him: I just want you to know, I am never coming back. I am not happy and haven't been for a very long time.

Me: (after showing him the phone records) Funny, you never expressed any real concerns about our marriage up until a few months ago. Care to explain these?

Him: (while stammering, sweating and glaring)She's just a good friend. That's all. We confide in each other and she is having problems in her marriage, and it's none of your business what we talk about.

Me: I believe this is what's called an affair. And how is this not my business? You are my husband!

Him: Damn woman! You are such a drama queen. I am not having an affair!
I believe he was trying to brainwash me into believing him as he constantly told me he did not have an affair
like if he said it enough I would believe him. Hell, he told it to himself enough that he believed it, why not try it with me?

It was this woman he "was not having an affair with" that he paraded around town with and introduced to his family while we were still married..stayed with while the divorce was going on, and married three months after the divorce was final. I just want to know what his definition of an affair is. What a douchebag!

Other gems I heard as he was preparing to leave me for OW (I swear he must have read a book of cliches on what to tell your spouse when you are having an affair)

You are a good mother, just not a good wife

We are two good people, just not good together

In reality, I haven't been happy for at least the last few years


And my favorite..It's just bad timing!! (bad timing meaning that OW was just in the background, and that he was going to leave me all along, regardless of her presence). Whatever asshole!



Posts: 70 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Kentucky
honesttoafault
Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

This is from today:

WH: How are doing today?
Me: Not too good
WH: (sarcastically) When ARE you going to feel good?


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 77